[pburke]

There is a man I casually know, a friend of my husband's. I don't see him much, but recently he has started to pay attention to me. He is also married. He started coming around when I was working, and would stand next to me, very close. He calls occasionally, for little reasons. He always speaks to me when I am around. He says little things about my husband, lfor instance "if you have the looks and the brains, what does he have?" He is always looking at me when we are together and whenever I move away from him, he quickly turns to watch me. He is in law enforcement and once while questioning a suspect in front of our store, right in the middle, he turned around, smiled, winked at me and said "hi". He came to our house the other night very late because we had called to ask him a question, and instead of answering on the phone, he came all the way to our house and ended up staying 2 1/2 hours, while he was supposed to be working. I noticed that when I walk past him, if he needs to move for me to get past, he is reluctant to do so. He also was noticeably "stroking" the table while he sat across from me. Is this guy just harmlessly flirting, or does he have serious intentions?

[blueiman]

Is this guy just harmlessly flirting, or does he have serious intentions?

You're joking right? This guy is dangerous. Geez girl. If you continue being nice to him don't you think he feels like maybe you want him to. Smell the roses. I hate dudes like this. I see this all the time at bars. They are like sharks. Swimming around until they see a piece of meat then they go for the kill. Look out girl. Just my opinion.

[Chery]

WARNING, WARNING, WARNING!

It all starts this way and one evening your spouses will be unavailable, and you'll have a glass of wine together, and oops, he'll have his arm around you. Shall I go on, or have you seen a few movies on the subject?

He's a flirt, but it will most likely NOT stop there unless you tell him you feel uncomfortable about this. It will feel strange at first, but you'll sleep better once it's out in the air.

To be safe, you could say: "I feel strange, and please forgive me if I'm wrong, because I've never felt this way, but are you flirting with me? If you are, then please don't as this makes me very uncomfortable and I'd like to stay friends" This will not outright accuse him, and will also give him a chance to laugh it off. But believe me, he is a wolf in sheepskin.

If you let this go on, you will be in a trap that is hard to get out of, so act as soon as possible.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

Beware!

[blueiman]

Chery knows what she is talking about. Nice post chery.

[pburke]

There is something I should have probably mentioned... I am very attracted to this man (ugh)

[Fr_Chuck]

There is something I should have probably mentioned......I am very attracted to this man (ugh)

Tell this man point out to keep his distance and not to come around.

If it does not stop, tell your husband and don't go around this man.

He is trouble and danger.

[blueiman]

There is something I should have probably mentioned......I am very attracted to this man (ugh)

Attracted to this man. What! Are you sure. Because he would do the same to you. Hello. If you're with him he has other women he is checking out. Come on look at what's going on here. He says, I will treat you better, spend more time with you, etc. he want to get into you pants.

[bizygurl]

Are you attracted to hima and his personality? Which doesn't say much because he sounds kind of creepy. Or are you attracted to him because he is giving you attention and its kind of thrilling? Don't confuse the two. I've seen way to many scenarios when a married person taked that plunge into an affair, and afterwards saying :I think I did it for the thrill. I believe that 9 times out of 10 that's why most people have an affair.
But to be honest with you the guy sounds creepy and he knows your married. I would be careful. Having a harmless flirtation is one thing, if your comfortable with it. Im a big flirt. But I know where that line is. But this guys actions don't sound like flirty they sound creepy. Just becareful.

[talaniman]

No wonder you didn't nip his advances in the bud!What can you be thinking, Your married so act like it or tell your husband what a lousy wife he has,Sorry but your disgusting and your life will be hell until you wake up and act like the married person you are,did you say he knows your husband?UGH!Respect yourself and your husband and kick this creep to the curb,now!:cool: :eek: :(

[momincali]

I think you knew just how serious this guy was about getting with you from the get go. I also think you've enjoyed it much more then you have admitted to. This man is so not worth ruining your life for! Whether you're having problems with your marriage or not, tell this guy to back off, just like that and don't spend 5 more minutes thinking about him when you could be fantasizing about your husband instead. Harmless flirtation my a**, unless it's okay that your man does the same??

[blueiman]

Apears to me that your not into your relationship. So, why don't you take a break from it. And find out what you want. You will be doing yourself a favor and not leading you man on. Hello.

[talaniman]

apears to me that your not into your relationship. so, why dont you take a break from it. and find out what you want. you will be doing yourself a favor and not leading you man on. hello.

Its not always easy for married people to take a break especially if the husband has no clue as to what the wife is doing behind his back with a friend of his!:cool:

[bizygurl]

There are plenty of people who are married that flirt that doesn't mean they are going to jump into bed with that person. When you flirt with someone the only way that can go wrong is when both people who are doing the flirting take it too far. Both parties need to respect those limits, and if your married and the other isn't and that person has crossed that line then you know its gone too far and you don't flirt with them anymore and remain distant from them.
Hitting on someone is a bit different, Its one thing to say "oh your such a funny guy" and laugh and toss you hair. Its another to say"I want you so bad and I need you in my bed" Could that harmless flirtation lead to something more inappropriate, sure it could. But like I said you have to set boundaries and limits and know when its gone too far. Or at least never let it get to that point.

I agree that this guy is not worth ruining your life. The fact that he is pursuing you, not just flirting, and knowing full well that you are married shows how little respect he has for you and your husband, which is not much. He sounds like a hound and Im sure you aren't the first married woman he has done this to. Id stay away cause he really only sounds like he wants to get you in bed, really think hard if this is worth ruining your marriage over.

[Chery]

Just because you're married, does not mean you have to 'play dead' when meeting other people. But make sure that you know why you are attracted to a man that is obviously a womanizer and will not be serious. He will never make any commitment except an occasional night in bed, which you will feel guilty for, and you have to assess whether this is worth it.
If you married early in life, or you are at a stage where it's getting 'old', then you need to communicate with your husband more and tell him that you need a little excitement in your life again. Remember what attracted you to him in the first place and try to re-kindle the excitement.
If your husband is looking like and acting like a looser now, and you are not sure you want to stay with him, THIS guy is not the one to start anything with - you'll wind up losing everything in the end, including your self-respect.
I would see a professional, either alone or together first, before making a move you might regret for the remainder of your life.
Hope all works out well, and please keep us posted.
Nobody is 100 percent perfect. It also takes two to keep a relatioship growing.

[Wildcat21]

This guy is a MASSIVE creep. Your first post just CREEPS me out. AND you're attrached to him??

QUIT using your feelinsg as a gauge... AND USE SOME SERIOUS LOGIC HERE.

Again THIS GUY IS A MASSIVE CREEP. He is TRAINED in law inforcement to MANIPULATE people.

PLEASE RUN from this guy. He WILL ruin your life. STOP paying any attention to him and he will go away.

AGAIN HE IS a MASSIVE CREEP!! RUN!!

UGHHHHHHHHHHHhh hate women like this who fall for their feelings about someone. Use some logic here. WHY do women do this?? Then they have an affair with this creep, can't get rid of him, lose their marriage, husband runs from them, life is ruined.

These guys are SCUM OF THE EARTH!!

I can just see this greaasy scum... doesn't respect you one bit. Thinks you'd be easy - which I bet you would be - you seem real vulnerable. Guys like this prey on the weak.

[giggles]

Your husband considers this man a FRIEND?
Are you taking the piss?
[B]You are making a fool of yourself, and your husband for the sake of a weirdo[/B]!
You need to talk to your husband ASAP. Tell him his friend is a little creepy. (Yes go against your hormones! Nip this in the bud before you do something stupid.) Let your husband in on this, work as a team. Your relationship with him is obviously in jeopardy too. You need to focus on this and your long term goals - not a romp in bed with a conniving, manipulative creep. This guy has NO RESPECT for you. It's that obvious to me and everyone else on this site. Perhaps yourself esteem is a little low too right now.
If you can afford it, take your husband away for a weekend. Work on your bond. And ditch the friend. For Good.

[Wildcat21]

I would bet $1 million that this is one of those CREEPS that hits on every woman. The man in uniform thing - he thinks everyone loves cops. I bet he ruined multiple marriages and relationships. I know this type of guy. Creep!

The guy who thinks every woman wants him.

Let me guess - he has a cheesy mustache.

[pburke]

Ok, I get the point. Thanks.

[giggles]

But what do you think? Did any of this strike a chord or are you still confused? I hope it works out OK for you, whatever you decide to do x

[Wildcat21]

AND THE CREEP IS MARRIED!! HE'LL CHEAT ON HIS WIFE... THEN CHEAT ON YOU. LIES.

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh - WHY wouldyou even have feelings over this. This guy is scum of the earth.