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miller3 · Mar 1, 2008, 09:05 AM

I have been with my girlfriend for 2 years and 4 months ago we got engaged. She lives 4 hours away so we only see each other on weekends. She recently out of the blue said she needs space but its not over completely she says. I asked her what was the problem and she said she is unhappy with us and unhappy with her life, she said she is said and does not know really why. She has brought up the past with some stupid things I have done. She thinks I cheated on her in the past but I did not. The other things are her mom does not like me and continues to tell my girlfriend that we should not be together. When we got engaged her mom was not happy for us and since, things have gotten worse that her mom will not talk to her or me. Her moms reasons are that long distance relationships do not work and she does not know me and over the last 2 years I have had chances to get to know her but never tried to get to know her. Me and my girlfriend continued to fight about this situation with her mom and my girlfriend says she has has enough. She sais that all of this has taken a toll on her. I have called her mom names to my girlfriend and I have called my girlfriend names when we fight about her mom. She stated that her friends do not like me and do not think we click. I get along well with her dad and brothers and sisters just not her mom. I was going to end up moving there to be with her later this year. Now we have not seen each other in 4 weeks because she keeps making excuses for me not to fly there everyweekend, also she does not answer my calls but sometimes answers when I text her. She keeps saying we will talk but she wants to get her head straight first. I love her and she stated that she still loves me. I am so afraid of losing her and I feel she is being unfair to me by shutting me out since we are engaged. She still has the ring and wears it but it feels we are not together anymore by the way she is acting. I have been e-mailing her and telling her I lover her, other then that I have not called her in many days. What do I do to help this situation in order to get her back. Do I completely not bother her and see if she comes around or do I keep e-mailing her and texting her sometimes? What should I do? The love is still there and I do not think thiere is someone else.

The young lover · Mar 1, 2008, 09:20 AM

I'm no expert on this but I do know this if she loves you she will talk to you just wait and call her every now and again to show you care but if she doesn't replie back then I guess fly up there and surprise her but don't freak her out and if she does flip for flying out say its just because you love and need to see and talk to her in private don't let a mom get in the way of love! You have ben given a rare and very very specail thing don't waste it she might not always be there and you can't wait forever! :)

The young lover
Ang good luck!

miller3 · Mar 25, 2008, 11:21 AM

Hi,

My name is matt and my girlfriend of 2 years has called it off. We recently got engaged 4 months ago and since things have gone down hill. We live 4 hours apart so I travel there each weekend and sometimes she does as well. The problems started with her mom not liking me. Her mom does not like me because she does not know me and I never tried to get to know her. Her mom and dad are remarried and her dad loves me. When we got engaged her mom was so upset and it affected everyone else to be happy for us because of that. It got so bad I was not allowed at her moms house anymore so I had to stay at her dads. It caused me to be angry all the time to my girlfriend and we would always fight a lot. I would call her names and be mean because she would not stick up to her mom when her mom was treating her and I this way. Also my girlfriend thinks I have betrayed her in the past with other girls but I did not. I told her they are friends and they are. She all of a sudden on valentines day said she does not want her job and does not want ot be engaged anymore. She said she wants time to think about things. Two weeks went by she sends me a e-mail to end it for good saying she is unhappy and does not think we are right for each other and said its not because of her mom but because she has changed and feels different about things. She said she loves me but all has taken a toll on her. I tried to talk to her but she will not answer her phone to talk but she will e-mail me if I e-mail her but she will respond with mean things to say to me. Three weeks have passed and she e-mailed me saying all this time apart has made her realize she does not need me in her life and we are night right for each other. She has not given the ring or any of my stuff back like she said she was going to 3 weeks ago. Finally I had enough and told her I am backing off because I am getting no where and all she says is mean things that I have done to me all the time. I don't know what to do she means the world to me and I know she loves me but she is even talking about moving away to get another job where her friends now live. She is not all there right now talking like she is. She refuses to talk to me because she does not want to give me any hope of us getting back together. In 3 weeks I am going to vegas for work and will be there the same time she is there and she said that I should not go when she is there. Shold I call her or e-mail her then? It will be 3 weeks from now so a lot of time will pass that I have left her alone. What should I do every one says give ti time and back off but I am worried her mom is adding to this telling her to get away from me. What to do please help!!

Smoked · Mar 25, 2008, 11:41 AM

First, Give her space and take that time for yourself also.

Going through your post I see two major issues you brought up.

Her mom- You don't have a relationship by your own account because you never tried to develop one. Did you ever try to work on this with your girl, her mom and you? Remember her mom is her mom, guys/girls come and go. Family is forever.

Trust- What happened in the past to cause this "trust issue"? What steps have her and you taken to work through this? Any? Some? None?

From what you said about her lashing back at you, have you said some nasty things? No? Yes? If no, then sounds like she is hurt. Can you tell us why? If yes, then she is mad because you are being hateful and reacting.

BTW- What state do you live in? She may not have to give the ring back (/ouch)

miller3 · Mar 25, 2008, 11:56 AM

I got along with everyone but her mom and I never did anything wrong to her mom. Her mom just thinks we can not be together because I live here and she lives there. Her mom is stuck up and never tried her self to get to know me. How come I got along with her dad and her brothers and sisters? Her mom and I have had good times but never really hit it off. He mom said " you hid in my daughters room all the time when you came over our house" And I did at first because I was shy but then got better. No matter what I say or do the mother does not want me with her daughter. Her mom refused to work things out and talk with me and my girlfriend she would make reasons not to. She does not trust me because she got my phone records and seen girls calling me but the girls are friends nothing more. She assumes I cheated on her but never had solid proof. She is lashing back at me and she is very mad and yes I have said very mean things to her and called her names but ti was because I was angry with her mom treating me bad. I took iut out on my girlfriend for her to stand up to her mom because her mom tries to run her life. When I e-mail her she comes back with mean things to say to me so I refuse to have contact with her because of that. I know I must let time past because she acts like she doe snto care. She told me to find someone else and move on. She is so not herself. What about the veags thing? How do I apporach her if I want to see her in vegas for a drink. How much time is enoough? What do I do?

miller3 · Mar 25, 2008, 11:57 AM

She said she was sending the ring and my stuff back in the mail a month ago and still has not. Do you think its because she is holding on to it because she is confused on what to do? I do not think she is trying to keep it. Her family does not want her to keep it.

spitvenom · Mar 25, 2008, 12:00 PM

I know for a fact in PA that if she broke off the engagement that ring is yours. I don't know the official language they used in the case but basically an engagement ring is not a gift it is more like a "promise" and since she broke the "promise" the ring does not belong to her. Now if you were married and got divorced that's different then the ring is hers because she went through with the "promise".

Good Luck

Smoked · Mar 25, 2008, 12:04 PM

Yes, she could be confused.

Keep in mind that calling her names and being mean won't get her back. Just make her mad.

If she is telling you that she wants you to move on, could she have another guy?

nkychic · Mar 25, 2008, 12:04 PM

First to answer your question I do NOT think you should contact her when you get to Vegas. She can contact you if she chooses to. I know that at first she just asked you to give her space, but it seems she has since then asked you to move on with your life as she plans to do. That in itself answers all your questions. You need to move on. If it truly is just her mom coming between you all than she will realize that and want you back. Move on, enjoy life. If she knows that you are always going to wait, she will forever make you do so. Look out for number 1 and that is you, nobody else is going to. I hope that all works out for you in the end! Good luck babe and let me know how it goes. Don't give in, just move on!

<3 Leslie

miller3 · Mar 25, 2008, 12:05 PM

I live in PA, but the ring is the least of my worries. I need to work things out with us.

Smoked · Mar 25, 2008, 12:05 PM

Originally Posted by spitvenom

I know for a fact in PA that if she broke off the engagement that ring is yours. I don't know the official language they used in the case but basically an engagement ring is not a gift it is more like a "promise" and since she broke the "promise" the ring does not belong to her. Now if you were married and got divorced thats different then the ring is hers because she went through with the "promise".

Good Luck

California not so much..

spitvenom · Mar 25, 2008, 12:08 PM

WOW what's the odds of that!! Just listen to what nkychic said and you will be fine look out for yourself!!

nkychic · Mar 25, 2008, 12:09 PM

Originally Posted by miller3

I live in PA, but the ring is the least of my worries. I need to work things out with us.

Unfortunately I don't think this is yours to fix now. She has made her decision and wants both of you to move on. If you get back together it will have to be on her account. It doesn't seem fair but that's how it works. You can not make someone want to be with you.

<3 Leslie

miller3 · Mar 25, 2008, 12:17 PM

I called her names and flipped out on her a lot during the last few months because of her mom, but since the break up I have been as nice to her as I could be.

miller3 · Mar 25, 2008, 12:20 PM

Should I ever contact her? How much time is enough to text her to see how she is doing? You think in vegas which is 3 weeks from now is a bad idea to call her to see if she wants to get a drink together?

Romefalls19 · Mar 25, 2008, 12:26 PM

I have to say something here, her mom does run her life as she lives under her roof. Parents make the rules pal, plain and simple. Taking your anger about her mom on her was immature and leads me to believe you're not ready to be engaged. You have said mean things to her and she took them, now she's giving them back and you don't like it? That's karma my friend.

You should have NO CONTACT with her... She asked for space, so unless you want to push her away leave her alone. You need to approach this situation very carefully, just let her go. If it's meant to be she will come back, if not, you are already going to starting to heal

Romefalls19 · Mar 25, 2008, 12:30 PM

Yes, calling her is a terrible idea. So is texting her to see how she is doing. If she texts you then decide if you want to answer. Why should you bother texting her asking her how she is doing first when she obviously didn't care about how you are doing. So what you were nice to her after the break up, you were mean to her during the relationship. That's the person who she remembers. A great quote "A person is not who they are the last time you talked to them but who they have been all along"

miller3 · Mar 25, 2008, 12:41 PM

The thing is I was not mean to her the whole relationship. You have to understand what I was going through with her mom. Her mom made my life misorable and made our engagement to be a joke. I understand I handled things wrong but she knows I love her and our relationship was good except for the mother. Also why can't we talk as friends down the road? I just hate to never talk to her again. I hate for it to end like this and understand it has ended for good. I never meant to call her names and it was more of me calling her mom names to my girlfriend about her mom. Her mom has said terrible things to me to hurt me and has wrote letters to her daughter to leave me. My girlfriend said its not her mom on why she is breaking it off but because she does not think we are right for each other. Come on after 2 years and engaged?? I suffered though all of this as well was not happy with the situation but happy about our relationship.

miller3 · Mar 25, 2008, 12:45 PM

There has to come a time where I can call her to see how she is doing, 2 years and being engaged is very serious. She as of now si very hurt and angry about the situation and so am I. She feels she is doing the right thing by leaving me. She said she feels relieved that we are not engaged because the drama as stopped. Why should I suffer if she is dealing with other personal issue like saying she is moving away??

talaniman · Mar 26, 2008, 06:29 AM

Whatever happy times you had is over, and done with, and you will look like a fool drooling after her, when she has told you to get out of her life. I strongly suggest you do as she says, and never contact her again. We all know break ups suck, and how hard it is to not want things the way they were. We get it. Accept its over, and mourn the death of this relationship, and move foreword with your life without her. For your own good.