[Mom of 2]

I am freaking out at the moment. Last week, he called me on Monday, said that he was going to call me on Tuesday. But Tuesday came and went. Wednesday came and went. Thursday came and went. Friday, I had my phone interview, so I called him to let him know how it went, but the call went into his vm. Friday night came and went and no response from him. Saturday, I texted him at 1 p.m. asking how he was doing and that I missed him. No response. I called him around 3:00 just to say hi before I went to work. Saturday, he did not return my call. Found out from my friend that they were at his mom and dad's house on Saturday to celebrate his mom's and brother's birthday. Sunday he called me at 10 am, saying "Returning your call. Had a busy week doing things, running errands. Give me a holler when you get a chance." I called him back a little bit later, left a message, it went into vm. He called me about 2 hours later, saying that he was going back over to his mom's with his kids because that day was her actual birthday. Said that he would call me later, but he never did. He usually calls around 10:30, so when it was 10:45, I took it upon myself to call him. It went into vm and I left a message that I wanted to tell him goodnight. Monday, he called me at 5 p.m. We talked about our day. I talked about a problem that I was having with my ex about the kids, he gave me advice, etc. I asked about his day, said that he had a busy day, but it was good overall. Tuesday, I emailed him saying that I received a threatening email from my ex about the same situation and that I was scared, etc. He offered advice when he sent an email in response to mine. That is the last time that I had contact with him. I returned the email, thanking him for the advice, saying that I knew I was strong and that I would get through this, but that I just needed to vent. That is the last contact that I have had with him. It is now Thursday (really Friday) and I feel so sad. What did I do wrong? I should have just kept my mouth shut about what was going on with my ex, but up until this time, we have helped each other with issues regarding our exes (he included) and I thought that it would be okay. However, I am feeling that maybe not only is he feeling pressured about what I told him two weeks ago, but now he is thinking that I have too much drama in my life and that he does not want to have anything more to do with me.

I miss him soooo much. I have been strong and I have not tried to contact him since that time. But, I feel the need to contact him, to discuss and/explain the feelings that I have at this moment. I just want what we had just a couple of weeks ago. I don't know what went wrong. I feel that everything that I have done so far has caused him to withdraw.

I want to ask him what is going on with us right now. By his actions, his suggestions up until this point, I thought that he was falling in love as well. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should continue with no contact or if I should bring the subject to the surface. I just feel the need for answers as to why he has suddenly changed from calling me everyday to calling me only once per week. I don't want to lose him, but I don't want to lose myself either. This is the saddest point in our relationship after 13 months. If we had argued, at least I would know there was a specific reason. However, he was so sweet and nice, it just does not make sense. Part of me says that I should not contact him, while the other part wants to get answers from him.

Some of my friends say that I should break up with him. Other people say that I should just wait it out. I know I don't deserve to be treated in this way, that I deserve to know what is going on. If it was just one week, I could explain away the fact that it was a busy week. But now we are entering into the second week with the same treatment. I know that all people are different and there are no answers to why someone acts in a certain way. I am mad and getting more pissed by the minute. All I did was open up and show my heart. I shared with him the situation with my ex in the same way that I shared with my friends. I just vented. However, does he think that I have too much baggage and he wants to bow out? No one but he knows what is going on in his head.

I miss him so much and I just want answers.

[jrebel7]

Mom of 2, I am so sorry you are going through this. It tears my heart out for you and wants me to kick butt and take names later with this guy. Great level headed person aren't I??? LOL

As badly as you want and need answers either for reconciliation or closure, I have to say at this point Sweets, you have handled yourself well, given him space, learned patience, and have learned that loving hurts, not just first time around but other times also and it is a part of life.

My advice, and it is almost 2:00 a.m., so take it for what it is worth, is to conduct yourself as if he has left. Pick up your life, plan your days and make a life without him. If he is going through something but yet still loves you, he will return and explain. Most men do not want or are not comfortable with confrontation on relationships, whereas we women, tend to want an A to Z account as to what happened and how can we fix it.

Steps to try to take:

Do not blame yourself that you expressed what was in your heart. You are a remarkable women with such a loving and giving heart.

Know you have reached out to him several times with little in return this past week or two. So you have not shut him out but kept reaching out to him. Stop the calls and texting to give him time to sort out any issues he might be having.

Go out with friends and laugh even if you don't feel like laughing.

If you are sitting by the computer, waiting for a note, move away and begin a project.

If sitting by a phone or have your phone with you, put it in another room out of sight.

Cry your heart out when you need to, the dry those tears and put on lipstick, a fun hat, favorite perfume or whatever makes you feel happy or good about yourself and take the kids out for a treat.

If he does not come back around or explain, then you would not have wanted him to be a permanent part of your life with the children.

Fill your time with activities for a time to break the pattern you were in when he was calling or texting or e-mailing everyday or evening. Later, as your emotions begin to settle, then you can get back in slower pace and just find your comfort zone again.

Don't borrow trouble. Believe in yourself! Look forward, not backward.

If this is meant to work out, it will. If not, then you are already on your way to recovery and can know in your heart, you put your best foot forward. Feel good about who you are and what you have to bring to a relationship. Don't apologize for loving or voicing love. One of my favorite quotes is:

"LOVE UNEXPRESSED IS LOVE UNKNOWN!"


Time is your best friend right now. You hang in there and keep us posted. Know you are not alone, even thgough at times it feels that way. We are here for you and if things don't work out, just know this was a step of learning and loving, preparing you for a deeper love in the future, one that will be returned and voiced and meet your emotional needs. I will check back tomorrow. Eyes are blurring at the present time. Please forgive type-o's! Stay strong in your resolve not to contact him, unless you have some indication that you are suppose to. Try to recognize the difference between gentle leading in your spirit to do something and panic feeling like you have to do this right now. If it is the second, wait.

[talaniman]

Relax Mom, what's happening is NORMAL in a relationship. All couples come to that glitch, or bump in the road, and yes its very emotional because it makes you assume, and presume, there is something wrong, and it drives you wacko.

This is where you keep a cool head, and MAKE SOME ADJUSTMENTS to this changing schedule. Not hard, just back up some, and don't be impulsive because of your feelings right now.

Changes does that to us humans. You thought, and got use to the way things were, but now that its changed, you change too, as your getting his side of the way he is. Pay attention, adjust, and relax.

This is where I tell you to balance your own life, where you don't have to call him over, and over, and expect him to drop what he is doing to reassure you.

That's when relationships get very uneven, and unfair, and resentments creep into things. You avoid it by making adjustment to your contact schedule, by giving him time, and space to get back with you, in his time, without resentments that change and assumptions are bringing you.

Relax
Do your own thing,
And let him do his,
And he will call when he misses you.

If he takes to long, don't be mad, but find out why. You can then be cool, calm, and honest in what you expect, and go from there. Pay attention, as this is a true test of can you work together to resolve your issues.

You both have to learn to adjust to each other. That's why you never give up your life, nor wrap your schedule around another. Its to easy to get into a routine, and you see first hand what that does, when the routine changes suddenly. So don't do it.

Be flexible and don't get carried away, your about to see how life gets in the way of all our plans, and learn to cope with it in a positive way.

This is only a healthy dose of reality for you to deal with. Don't trip.

[Mom of 2]

Some of you may be mad about what I did next, but I felt I needed to bring the subject to the surface instead of walking on eggshells.

I sent him an email early in the morning on Friday. In a nutshell I said:

"Things have been different between us and I don't know why... If you want to call it quits, I'm a big girl and I will get over it... I don't want to make a big issue over this, but I have a right to know what is going on."

He said that we need to talk and that he is getting torn in all directions and that we need to slow way down. When he heard me say that I loved him, this made him think and he came to the conclusion that he is not looking for that kind of relationship right now. He said that he would call me, "maybe" this weekend.

At least I got an answer. It may not be the answer that I wanted to hear, but it was an answer none the less. Part of me wants to blow him off, the other part wants to hear what he has to say.

I just feel totally confused, because I was following his lead - I just said those words.

I am resigned to the fact that it has ended. I will still hear what he has to say, but I don't really see any other way around it. Am I hurt, HECK YEAH, but life goes on. I am too special of a person for me not to deserve more respect. I thought for sure that is what I had. Now maybe I don't.

The ball is in his court. No matter what the urge, I promise, promise, promise and promise that I won't contact him. He needs to call me. He at least owes me that much.

[jrebel7]

Dear Sweet Mom of 2, no one here would ever be mad or upset over how you chose to handle this at any stage. We are all in our own situations and we must, just as you did, make our own choices as to handle what comes up. We are here as a support system Little One, we give our opinions and offer advice as we see it, but this is your life. It sounds like if you had not addressed it, you would still be waiting and not knowing. You did just fine. I think you are right in choosing to be resigned that it is over. He may think it over and realize he was just running scared but in the event, this is not what he is wanting, you are well on your way or will be, to resolve in your heart. It will be good for you to just leave it in his court so to speak, as far as getting in touch with you. He pretty much has said what he has to say.....it will just be the final goodbye to give closure (unless he has thought through some stuff and at that point then , the ball will be in your court to decide if you would even want to continue with him). By him saying he will call you "maybe" this weekend leaves you hanging, but just get through the weekend. If he calls, great, talk, make decisions, if not, then I think your path is fairly clear but there is always other paths in this life just when we think we have it figured out, that appear and then another choice has to be made. Life is full of change.

I leave you with a thought:

"Transition is not because something is wrong.
Transition is because something is over."

If this relationship has come to an end, it at the least has been a great journey of discovery.

Heartache comes but it lessens in time. Thank you for sharing your journey with all of us. I have learned much from you as you have shared great insights You are a special lady.

(If I would be upset with anyone it would be him for not having the courage to get in touch with you earlier and put your mind at rest as to what was/is going on in his mind and heart. Perhaps this is the best he could do. But you deserve to be shown more respect than he has shown over this.)

No one will be upset here with you as I said and we will be here for as long as you need to share or want to share.

[talaniman]

Do you remember me saying this is normal! Take it to heart, as all relationships hit that conflict period where we question, and second guess actions, and words by our partners. I suspect he is trying to slow things down, to see and understand what's going on, so no need to push.

Back off and give him the room to figure it out, and express himself.

Actually you should see this as a good thing as your coping skills and conflict resolution is being tested, thats a good thing as strong relationships are defined by conflict and how partners resolve it.

Knowing how to let the emotional dust settle, before you draw conclusions, is your challenge. Relax dear, never make decisions without talking to your partner and listen to what he is saying.

I have been asking you through out this thread what's your hurry?

[Mom of 2]

I am not in a hurry. I guess my problem is that I thought that I should say it. This subject came up recently between my girlfriends. Even though I told them that I was very comfortable with how my relationship was going, that I loved spending time with him, learning more about him, etc. I never said those words. They were amazed and kept telling me that I acted like I did and that I should tell him. They thought that I should tell him because they felt that he loved me as well and that he was probably waiting for me to say it first. However, that is not how it turned out. Now I feel that these words have forever jinxed the relationship. Most people that I speak to say that I should just end it. However, why? I am not in any hurry for it to get more serious. I mean, I think that we are already exclusive, he calls me his girlfriend (was the first one to say that, not me). I think he may think that I want to get engaged, get married, etc. However, that is not what I want. At this point in time, I just want what we had a couple of weeks ago. The thought of marriage scares me to death. I may NEVER to be ready for that. I just want to continue the relationship as we were doing. I know that both of us care about each other and that words were said by one side and not the other. I don't want to lose him. I don't want the relationship to progress any further than it is going at this moment because I could not handle anything more at this point. I just want to continue to enjoy his company, spend time together. Really, what are the next steps? I mean, I don't know what I want, even though I was the one who said the words. To me, they are just words and does not mean that I need to hear those words back or that I want the relationship to change. I consider myself to still be young. My focus of my life is on my kids, to make sure that they get through school - and I'm thinking maybe all the way through college - before I would want to even consider getting remarried. I mean, the important thing is that people enjoy their company together and that should be it. Why would I want to complicate that? I think that I was listening too much to my girlfriends because they thought that it was odd that I never uttered those words before. Finally, I decided okay, I must love him, so I am going to tell him.

So now this is where we are at. I don't want to lose him.

[talaniman]

You scared the poor guy!! But he will live! Men are not mind readers, and I suspect when you said you loved him, it freaked him out a bit, that's why its important to let the emotional dust settle, and then you can tell him what you have just told us here. I think he was concerned you wanted more than he was ready for and freaked, that's all.

Hey us guys are not complicated, and we spook easily, but I think you guys are on pretty much the same page, but just don't know it yet.

The not seeing each other brings its own stress and insecurity, so just muddle through it, the way we all do, and it will work out.

A year is still strangers learning each other, don't forget that.

Need a hug don't you?

[Mom of 2]

Talaniman, as always, you know exactly what I mean. I DO need a hug.

I'm just going to focus on myself and my kids. My main concern now is focusing on my kids and what they need, doing my work at my job and potentially finding a new job so that I can better my personal financial situation. I am fortunate that I have friends and family by my side to help soften the blows of this.

I of course am not going to contact him. Surprisingly, I really don't have the urge to do so - yeah, that even shocked me. This is the first day that I have really felt this way.

I miss him, but I know I can get through this. A part of me is relieved that I was able to find out what I have found out. Now I know more about what I am dealing with.

I'm not the first person to be in this situation and I know that I won't be the last.

[talaniman]

Us guys may appear tough on the outside, but you have to look inside to see who we are.

Hugs around.

[Mom of 2]

I'm up early this morning to prepare for the week, etc. I actually went to bed early (9 p.m.), and that is probably another reason why I got up so early.

At any rate, he did not call this weekend. Based on how he replied with "maybe", I really did not think that he would. I mean, if he did, that would almost mean that I was calling the shots and he did not want to be told what to do. As immature as that may seem, I can understand that. Even I have done that in the past, and I consider myself to be a mature person. No matter how mature you are, games still exist to some extent in all relationships. This one is no exception.

I spent the weekend with my kids, friends and family. I purposely put my phone where I could not hear it and where it was not near my hand so that I would not be tempted to check it every 5 minutes. However, as soon as I picked it up, I did check right away to see if he called, which he did not.

I have a busy week this week, so at least my mind will be active. I know that I will get through whatever is presented to me. If he wants to continue our relationship but at a much slower pace (I personally don't know how much slower it can get, as we only really see each other once every two weeks) or if he wants to call it quits. I personally thinks that he wants to put us on hold, as I already gave him the easy way out to call it quits in my email. But, instead, he took more time in his reply by saying that we needed to talk, that we needed to slow things way down and that he did not want to explain anything in an email and that he would call me. Because of this last sentence, I really think that he will call, but it is a matter of time, when HE feels that he is ready.

So, I will continue to focus on myself and my kids.

[Justwantfair]

I feel for you in this situation. What seemed to be on a great path, he has now veered completely off.

How are you handling the idea of "slowing things way down" when you have already been at a tortoise pace?

I know that you are under the perception that you wouldn't find love again after your ex and this relationship filled that void and proved that you were wrong. In my opinion I think that your best bet to saving this relationship is to be willing to say good-bye, not take a slower route. Give him time to realize how important you are to him and how he really feels about you.

It's clear that he really cares about you, I would say it is clear that he loves you with the fact of how the holidays went, but he is just scared and reacting scared now, but that doesn't make it right for him to run away.

[talaniman]

Just think I will wait until you have your talk with him.

[Mom of 2]

I just got an email from him. He said, "Sorry I didn't call this weekend as I was sick. I will call tonight". I know that he has been fighting a cold off and on and he seems to always get sick after traveling (plane air, etc.)so I have to believe him, BUT part of me does not. Can't really go there though because I have no proof that he is not telling the truth. If he is just using that as an excuse, he is going to have to live with that one. I am proud to say that I did not respond back, which is what I normally would do. Call it giving him a taste of his own medicine, but I feel that I need to flip the script on him somewhat. He told me that he would call, so that is what I am waiting for him to do. After all, the ball is in his court. I'm giving him the space that he says that he needs. Just following his directions. He needs to understand that I cannot be at his beck and call, especially if he thinks that we need to slow way down.

If he calls tonight, GREAT!! Then I will listen to what he has to say, say what I need to say and then make a decision on what to do. I can't speculate, but I am really hoping for the best (kind of nervous at the same time). I do think that he is scared. I don't think that he is necessarily running away, as if he was, he would never have responded to me at all. I was VERY surprised to see an email from him today. Wasn't ready for that one!!

To answer your question regarding my thoughts on taking it slower, especially since we are taking it slow as it is - or at least I thought we were - I am in no rush (right Tal?). So, if it means toning it down and making him realize that I really do not depend on him for happiness, it may turn out to be a good thing. It may turn out to be a good thing for me in that I will get out of the pattern a little bit. I am looking at this as an opportunity to really see if there is a future for us, to see if we can work through this and to see if we want to continue. If he wanted out and was running away, I have to believe that he would have said that and would not have even attempted to contact me at all.

Ironically, I have some tentative plans for this Sunday for the Superbowl. I was originally going to blow it off, or at least just stop by for an hour and then meet up with him afterwards - or at least I thought that I was going to do that, as that happens to be the Sunday that we would normally get together. However, under the circumstances, this might be a good thing that I have other plans. Like people have said on this thread and on many others, he's got to miss me before he is able to see if the relationship is worth it to him. I don't have control over that - I only have control over myself. The one thing that I have learned from this relationship and from the other dating situations since my divorce (more like small flings) is that I deserve to be loved and appreciated. If I put my heart out there, it may get broken again. However, that is the risk that I am going to take, as I can't continue to be running scared and not at least try. If I get hurt, well, then I pick up the pieces again and start anew. If it means that I may never find someone to be with, well thems the breaks. At least I tried.

I can't believe how cheerful I am about all of this. I haven't really cried about it. Call it a hardening of the heart - I don't know. Call it a defense mechanism - I still don't know. I just know that I only have control over one half of the situation, which is my decision and response. Although at this point I would like to continue to be with him because I feel that he is worth it, I don't know what he is really thinking or what he is going to say. So, I can't decide what I am going to do at this time. Won't know about that until he calls me tonight (if he calls me tonight).

I can tell you one thing, though. If he DOES NOT call tonight, I have decided that I will not contact him again. If he wants to be in contact, then he is going to have to make the effort.

[gobe]

You did a mistake once and now you have the second chance, you have to take chance to win BUT your first mistake cost a lot especially for your kids (family brake up) so in the second time be more carefully give time for yourself and try to know him better, because giving a father figure and take away again is cause pain for your kids not to mention the message ….. I guess you would like to see your grandkid grow up in one family with dad and mom, so don't teach your kid that it's OK to take one person to try it out than if not working the next comes (in this way you will loss respect from them to ) Good luck you need to be happy give a try, give time for yourself and don't rush.

[ordinaryguy]

I If he wanted out and was running away, I have to believe that he would have said that and would not have even attempted to contact me at all.

I regret to inform you that people who want to withdraw from a relationship often feel guilty about doing it, especially if they don't have a "good reason". This guilt may lead them to do and say some really silly and convoluted things on their way out the door. Not saying he's necessarily wanting to end it completely, just that his continuing apparent need to explain himself isn't sufficient to conclude that he really wants to work through this to resolution.

When he does finally get around to explaining himself, let him do most of the talking. The more attentively you listen and the less you say early in the conversation, the more you'll learn of his real anxieties and misgivings. If he tries to do a snow job, you're better off letting it pile up for a bit before you get out your shovel.

[gobe]

I'm thinking everybody has 10 good and 10 wrong side you just has to figure out if you can live with his 10 bad. Nobody is perfect. You have to learn to listen to your own feeling it will tell you if he is the Wright guy or not. You have to wait until the first love is gone than you see him without the clouds than you have to make a decision if you can respect and love him with his bad side or not. All the relationship has to have compromise and that's the time when most of the couple arguing. Without compromise from both side no good relationship exist. One more thing I grow up with a step dad and I have step kids they don't have a step dad they live with the mom, and trust me they needed I stepdad one person even she is the best mom can't do two (mom / dad) person job. I did-t liked my stepfather he was to strict to us and my mom never went against his will (that how I saw as a child) now they both died I understood them perfectly I love them both deeply and I know I am a better person because I had my stepfather. I needed a strong hand to coordinate me I was a bad child. And I did not understudy why my father did what he did... And I blamed everybody but him... the point try to fined your good soul mate but if you choose don't give up easily try to give your kid a family these days most of the kids are growing up with divorce family and they think that's normal they give up to easy because that's what they see and learn. I have a family and now I see the difference between my step children and my own I feel sorry for all the kids whom grow up without a family that can be stepdad stepmom or biological parent its hard for the kids and for the adults. It would be a better word if everybody would grow up with a family of course if is no abuse (that's different)

[Mom of 2]

Finally had the conversation with him. Yes, I am ready to hear from all of you and I am sure that I will be getting an earful!!

The conversation started with him asking how my day was, how the kids were doing, you know, the usual. Then, there was a moment of silence, as I was waiting for him to say something. He started with, "Well, I don't know where to start." I then just asked, "What is your perception of what I want in this relationship?" He could not answer that, which I was not surprised, but it allowed me to tell him that all I want was to continue to live in the moment, take one day at a time, enjoy time with him, etc. He continued by saying that he thought that our relationship was going a little bit fast, especially after hearing the word "love". He did admit that he had a big part in the progression with each of us meeting our families and kids, the daily phone calls, etc. He was scared that I was wanting to progress the relationship to a stronger comittment of engagement/marriage/moving in together. His rationale: He has just been divorced for 3 years and he was married for 15 years before that and he is still gun shy.

He also added that he has had to travel more for his job, that things are not getting done when he is not at home (laundry, etc.) and that his daughter went from being an A/B student down to a C student. He had a long talk with her about that last night and he is not happy with her. He thinks that this is mostly because of her just getting her license, having a job 3 nights a week and then her increased social life and he needs to pull in the reigns. He is also nervous about her going to college in 1 1/2 years (saving for it, etc.) and that is why he is starting to freak out about a lot of stuff. I then added, "Well, I certainly don't want to add to that pressure, " to which he immediately added, "No, you're not". Hmmmm. I thought that the entire reason for the conversation was that he was feeling pressure. Maybe he was having a Calgon moment, that everything seemed overwhelming at the moment and he just needed to yell stop at everything.

All in all, he said he just wanted to make sure that I did not have plans on taking our relationship to the next step right now because he is not ready for that yet. Right after he said that, he said, "We can see where we are at in a year, but not right now." He wants to still continue to see me, do things together, talk on the phone, etc. I told him that the last thing that I wanted to consider at this time was anything more than what we have at this time. I want to be able to raise my kids on my own, get them through school before I would even consider doing anything more. I told him that I also like spending time with him and that I wanted to continue to do so. I did say that I do have strong feelings for him, that I did love him for the person that he is, but that I do acknowledge that there is a difference between love and being IN love and that I knew that I was not there yet, we did not know each other well enough for that to happen for me. He then said that he was so glad that we had this conversation because he was worried that he was going to have to let me go because he could not give me what he thought I wanted and needed at this time. He asked me what I was doing this weekend. I mentioned that I of course had to work on Friday and Saturday and that Sunday I had a get together to go to. He was suddenly curious about that, saying "Ohhhh? Who are you going with? What is it for?" I mentioned that it was with friends from works , that it was not starting until after 1 and that I did not know if we would be able to get together on Sunday after all. He then said, "Well, I'll call you before this weekend and we can figure things out." Hmmmm

So, we will have to see what pans out in the next few weeks.

The only thing that I did not specifically address with him was whether we were going to be seeing other people, just seeing each other and taking it slow or exactly what is going on. I have been approached by men in the recent past, asking if I wanted to have dinner with them, etc. However, I always said that I was in a relationship and even though they tried to convince me that it was just for dinner, casual and nothing more, I did not feel comfortable about it. Maybe I should consider the possibility of going out on casual dates with other guys BUT I need to discuss this with him before I do anything like this. I think this will also shed a lot of light on how he truly feels, depending upon what his answer is and how he answers it. My manager at the restaurant where I work said that regardless of whether I was ever approached by another guy, I should say that I have been asked out, that I am interested and that I am going out on a date with someone else. To me, that is not healthy communication and is so unfair and emotionally abusive to the other person. Something that I am not comfortable with at all. If the offer is legit, then I will have to address it at that time. I honestly think that he was scared by the word love and he panicked. Now, I am going to take a step back, take a deep breath, really assess all that I want and take one day at a time. I hope that he is in my life in the future, but I can only deal with the things that I can control. I can't control him, I can only control myself.

What is my focus? Me and my kids. I will allow him to pursue me. I am going to start that with baby steps. For the rest of the week, I will not email him, text him or call him. If there is going to be contact between us, it will need to come from him. It is going to be tough, but it is something that I am going to have to do. I might even let his call go into vm. I think that Tal gave the advice that you need to allow someone to be able to miss you before they can see that they want you in their lives.

Only time will tell what will happen. I am looking at this as a good thing. He is a little scared, and so am I. The best thing about this relationship is that I don't have to worry that he is demanding a lot of time from me, or forcing me to make any decisions about my kids (uprooting them, etc.). If I were to uproot them and take them to another school district, I might lose custody of my kids because I am taking them out of their comfort zone, and NOTHING is worth it for me to lose my kids - Not EVEN HIM. My kids will only be young for a short period and I have the rest of my life to do what I want with the rest of it.

Am I happy? Yes, for the most part. Am I sad? A little. I am happy that we did not completely end the relationship. I am sad because we are taking a couple of steps back. In every situation, I always try to look at the good things. We are still together and will still continue to see each other. Once he realizes and truly sees that I don't want to pressure him into something that he is not comfortable with, I think that he will relax. He did seem to be more relaxed at the end of the phone call, so that's a good thing.

[talaniman]

This is a glitch, not a relationship breaking event. The good things about these glitches, is you get on the same page through honest communications. You talk, and listen. So now you know you scared him, LOL, and you both got a chance to bring some clarity into this.

The best thing is you know why your both slowing this train down. You make adjustments and go on. Any chance to talk about reality and how you see things is good, because I believe the honeymoon is over, and the work, the real work, is starting.

No outside dating. The worst thing you can do now, as you both have families, and each other. You make sure you tell him that. Now that's a potential relationship breaking event, so no games at this point.

You both have been married so you both know for fact that life gets in the way sometimes, and it has to be dealt with, so your about to see how you both work together, and see about the bonding, and the developing, it takes to make things happen.

[Mom of 2]

I'm glad you think it is a glitch. I also don't think that it is much more than that. I think that he is stressing out about a lot of things. Maybe he was thinking that he was starting to lose himself because he felt the need to call me every night.

No, I don't want to date other people. I just never had the ability to see more than one person at the same time, unless it was just "friendship" dating and trying to see which one I liked the most. But, when I have feelings for someone, it makes it nearly impossible for me to spend any time with someone else in the dating sense.

I would like to see him this weekend (Sunday) and I hope that we can. Like I said, he said he was going to call before the weekend and we could talk about our plans.

But, all that I can do right now is to take one day at a time, not contact him and just wait for the weekend. I miss him, but I don't want to scare him off again. After all, the last time that I saw him was on 1/4. A part of me feels like I'm dying inside, but I know that I can handle this - I have to. I don't know why I am feeling this way, but I am still not 100% sure what all of this slowing down really means. Is he losing interest? Will he lose interest? Only time will tell.