[confused123]

Hi, I'm 17 years old and I'm having a problem with my boyfriend wanting to go to a strip club. I'm glad to say that he's not 18 yet, but I feel once he is he's going to want to go to one. Ive heard him say that he wants to go just once to see what its like, and that still really bothers me just to know he wants to. It makes me feel that I must not be good enough for him if he feels a need to want to go.

My feelings towards everything is if he truly loves me and is happy with me then he woudnt have a need to want to go. Am I just over reacting over this? I know it's a phase some guys go through but is it normal for a guy to want to go when he tells you that he's only in love with u?

To me I see going to a strip club as cheating. So I'm really unsure right now. He's always telling me he loves me and that he sees a future with us together, but I question that now because if he wants to be with me then he should be happy with just seeing me and not other girls naked. I guess I'm just wondering if I should be as worried and upset over this as I am or if this is a normal phase he'll get over so I should just relax and let this happen. Id really appreciate any advise. Thanks

[CaptainForest]

Who says you have to be 18 to go to a strip club? There are pleanty of ways for under age kids to get in.

to me i see going to a strip club as cheating.

That's the problem. He doesn't see it as cheating. You need to talk with him about your feelings but in the end, if he really wants to go and honestlly doesn't view it as cheating, he will go. And if he is then forced to hide it from you, that would be a bad thing.

[blueiman]

I can understand how you feel. It's normal to feel, am I good enough for him. You are good enough for him I'm sure. Men like to look at other women. I'm sure it's just a fantasy. If he wants to go let him. Its his decision. But, I would let him know its OK with you if he really wants to go but make sure you also tell him you will not like it. So, don't make a big deal about it and just tell him how you feel. Maybe after he goes and spends all that money he will realize he should be spending it on you.;)

[phillysteakandcheese]

I don’t understand why you would consider going a strip club as cheating.
If you flip through the TV channels and see a boob on TLC, is it accidental cheating? :)

I think every young man wants to go to a strip club at least once – just to see what is going on. It has nothing to do with your being inadequate or not enough – it’s just something that every guy wants to experience at least once.

My buddies in college didn’t have to ask me twice to go on my 19th birthday! Now - If I’m lucky, I get to go to a strip club once or twice a year with a bunch of guys I work with.

It is a problem if going to a strip club on a regular basis is a replacement for something else. Spending hours and hours or dropping your entire paycheck at a strip club is also problem.

Going once – is just boys being boys.

[Fr_Chuck]

Going to strip clubs will lower his value on women and give his a unrealistic idea of women and sexual activities. It is a place to go and lust after various naked women. ( plus ever wonder why the lights are low at these places, if the lights were bright at many it would scare the men away)

Not all of course.

Now will he sneak out one night after he is 18 ( and honestly the lower class ones will pass you at 18 for a few bucks at the door) and go once, I guess it is a stupid things kids ( young people) do once. Some never go, others never go back but have the one time story to lie about the rest of their life.
Guys are stupid in that way.

But it is cheating in many ways, the same as in web porn or regular porn is cheating, it is taking away the emotional being of the person you care for.

It is not the one time but the aditction of going I would worry about.
And honestly at least he is being honest about it, most guys would not be close enough to their girlfiend to tell them they were planning on going but just sneak out and never tell anyone.

My opinion, no reason to go esp if you have someone speical saying not to.

[bizygurl]

It some way I feel its cheating. Its kind of messed up to say that the only way he gets away at looking at these woman naked is that they are "strippers" but you know god forbid if he was watching another girl strip for him in the privacy of his own home, that would be cheating, What is the difference where it is watched?

To me if your going to watch another woman or another guy(for the woman) strip for you and looking at them with lust, because that's what it is. It would be classified as cheating, but at least highly disrespectful if your with someone you love and care about, especially if that person has strong feelings about it. If you just have to and its such a guy thing than do it when your single and get it out of your system before you get into a relationship. Confused123, you should ask him how hw would feel if you went to an All Male review with a bunch of your girls, see how he feels about that.
TO be honest he's kind of the stupid one if he does, I just can't understand blowing my money to see another member of the opposite sex get naked and then you can't touch them. I don't get the point. I guess it's a guy thing, apparently.

[confused123]

Thanks for your comments. It deffinitely sounds like a guy thing that us girls will never understand. I'm trying not to look at it as some huge terrible thing that could end our relationship but I still can't see myself ever being OK with it. I have to say your right bizygurl if a guy feels the need to go he should do it when he's not in a relationship. So I'm hoping he'll care more about my feelings then going to a strip club. I'll just have to talk with him and explain how much this is bothering me. Thanks once again!

[DrJ]

Don't let it bother you... he's turning 18! Its like a "right of passage!" Just like buing a lotto ticket, a pack of smokes, or buying beer and going to a bar once you turn 21 (in California, at least). Its just something to do because you can.

The difference between going to see a stripper at a strip club and having a girl strip for you in your own home is that you CANNOT touch a stripper, odds are you will never have a chance to, and you will likely never be able to bring one home... as long as he is going to a classy joint. Big difference.

Besides, in a classy joint, the men are not sitting around with hard-ons, playing with themselves under the table. And if he is, he has bigger problems than you think.

Don't let it get to you. You should not feel threatened.

You should allow him to go at least once. Then, when YOU turn 18, go with him! It can be a lot of fun! If you're not into girls, that's fine... if you don't mind them, you will get more action than he will!

[lilfyre]

Hey, I have been married for 17 years and my hubby goes, it is no big deal, he is not going to pick one up because they do not want him they just want his dollar, that's all, you making a big fuss over it will just cause him to do it behind your back. If you trust him let him go, it is really no biggy. Just an opinion happily married for 17 year and still going happily for the rest of our lives I hope

[blustar8i8]

At least he told you that he wanted to do it. He's being honest about it. Its just a thing guys do. Its not that they don't want you or think that, that girl is better looking then you.my boyfriend doesn't go to strip clubs but has his porn to look at! It used to bother me but I don't care anymore id rather him watch TV and keep it to himself then to go pokin another girl. I know he would never cheat on me.and if your guy was to cheat on you just to have sex with another girl then he was never worth your love in the first place. Let the curiosity kill the cat. I'm sure that it wouldn't be a every night thing. Just something that guys feel they have to do when they turn 18. Like buying cigs or buying a lottery ticket. I know when I was 18 I went to an adult store!
:/

[giggles]

hey, I have to disagree! I think it comes down to a difference in values. Confused123, it sounds like you have a moral issue with your boyfriend going to these places, and he doesn't. I see this as a conflict involving your ideals. And fair enough if you don't agree with it: I can't tell you - "hey don't worry about it, all guys go to strip clubs, get over it!"
It's about how YOU feel about it him visiting strip clubs, not whether it is right or wrong morally to do so. A lot of the posts above (sorry guys it came across this way to me) were implying "hey don't worry about it, it's no big deal if he goes to a strip club." But I think this is about more than that.Don't compromise your beliefs just to keep the peace - this is how we deny ourselves fulfillment. It can go either way: you can tell yourself - "ok he goes there, i don't agree but he can do what he likes, he's a free person." OR you can tell yourself - "you know what, I don't agree with this for myself, so I don't want to be with someone who is into this either!" The choice is yours. If you can't set either a common bond of values, or accept each others' differences and "live and let live", you might have to walk away.
Im not sure I'm articulating this very well - I'm just trying to say it's up to you whether you accept he might want to do something you don't approve of. If you choose not to accept his choices, you might have to leave the relationship behind you.

[bizygurl]

Dont let it bother you... hes turning 18! Its like a "right of passage!" Just like buing a lotto ticket, a pack of smokes, or buying beer and going to a bar once you turn 21 (in california, at least). Its just something to do because you can.

The difference between going to see a stripper at a strip club and having a girl strip for you in yoru own home is that you CANNOT touch a stripper, odds are you will never have a chance to, and you will likely never be able to bring one home... as long as he is going to a classy joint. Big difference.

Besides, in a classy joint, the men are not sitting around with hard-ons, playing with themselves under the table. And if he is, he has bigger problems than you think.

Dont let it get to you. You should not feel threatened.

You should allow him to go at least once. Then, when YOU turn 18, go with him!! It can be a lot of fun! If youre not into girls, thats fine... if you dont mind them, you will get more action than he will!

Would you feel threatened if your girlfriend/wife went to a chipndales or male review? Think about it. Male strip places or reviews may not take everything off, but they do put on a show. Put it this way they will pull a woman onstage and dance and grind on her. Would you enjoy that if it was your girl? All Im saying is that it goes both ways. Guys need to think that if its okay to go to strip club with female strippers than you better not object when your girl wants to go to an all Male review. And I've seen that scenario all too many times. Im in my late tewnties, and I don't let this bother me anymore since I know that if my guy does go (which is hardley ever now) I know who he's coming home too. We've been together for a long time now and its different. I wouldn't get upset about it as much as I did when I was younger. But that doesn't mean that I think its okay for soomeone to do it when the other has strong feelings againts it. The way my guy and I handled it was, we compromized, I said well if your going to do it regardless, then Im going to go to my own male reviews. He was pissed about it but what could he say? Eventually he stopped going because he felt it was a waste of money and he wasn't as into it as he use tobe when he was 21. I stopped going cause it was boring to me after awhile.


You may not be able to touch a stripper as apposed to a girl stripping for you privately that may be a difference, but your still looking at someone naked with lust that IS NOT your girlfriend or wife. Maybe to say its cheating is a bit of a stretch, but is it disrespectful if your with someone (when THEY have a problem with it) I mean come on your not going to die if you don't go to a strip club. If you had a problem with your gal going to a male strip club would you expect the same thing? You have to put yourself in the others shoes. But it all comes down to how each individual views this I guess. And as always this is just my opinion.

[blueiman]

[QUOTE=giggles]If you can't set either a common bond of values, or accept each others' differences and "live and let live", you might have to walk away.QUOTE]

people that are in relatinships need to let there partner do what they want to. Of course as long as what they are doing is not detrimental to the relationship. I mean like my ex-girlfriend did what she wanted to. If something bothered me I would let her know. And that's it. I would not make a big deal about it. Just tell your partner how you feel. It's up to your partner to decide what they want. They will do it with or without your consent. If you tell your partner you don't like it. And you partner continues. Can you handle it? If yes, fine go to the club with him. If no, then you have to bring it to the table again and explain how you feel. Then make you decision if you want to cont with the relationship or not. Don't do anything until you both agree with the issue you have. Communicate my friend. You have to live with it.

[nymphetamine]

I think it bothers some women because of the fact that they don't just have table dances but some of them want to pull you back into dark little secluded rooms and I know they aren't all innocent. My exhusband took a few back there and they didn't dance either if you catch my meaning.

[blueiman]

I think it bothers some women because of the fact that they dont just have table dances but some of them want to pull you back into dark little secluded rooms and I know they arent all innocent. My exhusband took a few back there and they didnt dance either if you catch my meaning.

Auh man. Sorry to hear that. Guys are so stupid with the sh%t they do. I mean what the. When you have a beautiful women give her everything. I would never go to a club and have some trashy dancer touch my sh&t. if I need loving I would make a date with my girl. And make her fell good. You must have been crush when you found out. Or, maybe you got even?

[nymphetamine]

Get even? No, Im better than he is. There are times when I wish I had though just because I wanted to see him hurt like me. But like I said, Im better than him.

[phillysteakandcheese]

Is my perception of the strip club different?

Every dancer I've ever seen does a show that's about 10-15 minutes. In the first song, she mostly just dances around in her costume and I spend those minutes wondering who this girl is and what she does the other hours of the day when she's not on stage. In the second song, where she starts giving peeks at herself and starts peeling out of her costume, it's exciting to watch and I'm mostly thinking about her look and how she presents herself. During the last song, when she is mostly naked, I just have a big smile on my face. It's the same kind of happy smile I have when I see a celebrity I like. Repeat this three or four times, and then I am on my way.

I don't think I have "lust" in my heart when I see a girl dancing, and I certainly don't have any kind of torrid sexual illusion about how I'm her boyfriend for a night. I also most certainly don't equate a stripper with a hooker.

My handful of experiences have all been fun - the guys are good to hang out with, the music is good, the waitresses are friendly, and the dancers are professional (for lack of a better word).

And based on my own experiences, I have absolutely no problem with my wife going to an all male review - Even if they get to be a little more "touchy" with the entertainment.

[bizygurl]

Is my perception of the strip club different?

Every dancer I've ever seen does a show that's about 10-15 minutes. In the first song, she mostly just dances around in her costume and I spend those minutes wondering who this girl is and what she does the other hours of the day when she's not on stage. In the second song, where she starts giving peeks at herself and starts peeling out of her costume, it's exciting to watch and I'm mostly thinking about her look and how she presents herself. During the last song, when she is mostly naked, I just have a big smile on my face. It's the same kind of happy smile I have when I see a celebrity I like. Repeat this three or four times, and then I am on my way.

I don't think I have "lust" in my heart when I see a girl dancing, and I certainly don't have any kind of torrid sexual illusion about how I'm her boyfriend for a night. I also most certainly don't equate a stripper with a hooker.

My handful of experiences have all been fun - the guys are good to hang out with, the music is good, the waitresses are friendly, and the dancers are professional (for lack of a better word).

And based on my own experiences, I have absolutely no problem with my wife going to an all male review - Even if they get to be a little more "touchy" with the entertainment.

Well that's great that you and your wife have a compromise, the same kind that my husband and I did back in the day. That does work. The only reason I brought up that particular point because I have had a few friends who's husbands/bf were frequent strip club goers but when my friends wanted to go to ChipNDales it was like there men completely freaked out and had a fit. And the biggest thing was "Its different for men" When that is complete BS. No basically that's saying Im going to go look at naked woman stripping but you can't look at men because its different for men.

Im not saying the men here feel that way. I was just making a point that if one person feels that its important to them that they HAVE to go to a strip joint then it works both ways. That goes for woman too.
I don't think anyone here said that a stripper is equal to a hooker, although I can see why some would have that opinion.

[DrJ]

Okay, first with the whole "moral" issue... this is not an issue of morals, this is an issue of self-confidence. See here:

it makes me feel that i must not be good enough for him if he feels a need to want to go.

She also says that she sees it as cheating but only because she feels that because "if he wants to be with me then he should be happy with just seeing me and not other girls naked." The "moral" argument here is bogus. She's 17 and having sex but she has a moral issue against her boyfriend seeing another woman naked?

Often times, women get this idea that just because a man gets with her, that suddenly EVERY OTHER woman in the world suddenly become unattractive. It is in a mans nature to be "attractED," as it is in a woman's nature to be "attractIVE." That's just the way it is... you can't go against that. Woman are attractive and men are attracted to them... that's an instict to promote procreation that goes deeper than (almost) anything else.

And Bizygrl, don't take this personally but you are acting as if you had a moral issue with your boyfriend going and the only way to make it right was for you to go see a male stripper... that's just ridiculous. I have a little moral issue with murder but if my girlfriend gets to do it, Im not going to go kill someone and call it even!?

And for the record, no, I wouldn't have a problem with my girlfriend going to see a male stripper... in fact, she will be going to a bachelorette party in a month or so to do exactly that. And you are right, bizygrl... it is hypocritical of someone to assume its okay for them but not for their partner. "putting yourself in thier shoes" as you put it is the key to my relationship. There is not a thing that I do in my life that I don't first ask myself "how would I feel if she was doing this same thing." As I said before, as long as its not out of control and she's not doing this to substitute for anything else, I see no problem with it. Its just a fun night out with the girls. I am confident enough in myself and our relationship to be okay with that. That is what this all comes down to.

Confused123 is worried about this because she feels that she may not be good enough for her boyfriend and that may be the reason he wants to go. "MAYBE" it is... but most likely, he is a young man turning 18 and that's just one of the things you do when you turn 18.

And as Phily and I both put it, men are not at these places groping themselves under the table have strange perversions over these girls. It is professional and if you're a true Mac Daddy you keep it that way. If her man IS one of these sick perverts (that usually get bounced out at first sight) then she has OTHER problems.

[Chery]

hi, i'm 17 years old and im having a problem with my boyfriend wanting to go to a strip club. im glad to say that hes not 18 yet, but i feel once he is hes going to want to go to one. Ive heard him say that he wants to go just once to see what its like, and that still really bothers me just to know he wants to. it makes me feel that i must not be good enough for him if he feels a need to want to go.

my feelings towards everything is if he truely loves me and is happy with me then he woudnt have a need to want to go. am i just over reacting over this? i know its a phase some guys go through but is it normal for a guy to want to go when he tells u that hes only in love with u?

to me i see going to a strip club as cheating. so im really unsure right now. hes always telling me he loves me and that he sees a future with us together, but i question that now because if he wants to be with me then he should be happy with just seeing me and not other girls naked. i guess im just wondering if i should be as worried and upset over this as i am or if this is a normal phase he'll get over so i should just relax and let this happen. id really appreciate any advise. Thanks

Dear, your username certainly fits you. You seem to be confused about almost everything, and at your age, you should be learning, experiencing, and enjoying new things in life.
You don't own this young man, and he does not own you. And your thought about the 'cheating' part is not logical. There are many men and women who go to these types of clubs and enjoy the entertainment and then go home and that's that.
We are not in the dark ages, and he at least communicates with you and tells you what he'd like to do at least once - let him, and when old enough, check out a club with a few girlfriends too. Then, both of you will have had the 'experience' and be able to say 'been there, done that', and go on with your lives and not think you missed out on something. The thought of missing out on things is what usually ruins a relationship, and if 'forbidden' it will be even more enticing - so let this issue go, and start living and enjoying your young life and stop acting like a middle-aged prude.
Times have changed, and you need to stay informed of what's out there. Back in the 'old day' fathers would take their sons to houses of 'ill-repute' at the age of 18 - and that was considered normal.
So get out there, and stop living a 'sheltered' life and don't worry that he'll turn out to be a pervert - that's paranoid.

Relax a bit and take each day as it comes while growing up.
You are 17, not a 87 year old prude!