[N0help4u]

Many schools do not get parents permission. I hear many parents comment on how they never knew their kids were taught the things they were taught and they never had anything to sign either.
It is good some places do keep parents informed but many school districts do not.


I agree with a lot of what you just said. Especially this

It's not about teaching about sex. It's about parents teaching relationships by example.

Really, aside from love being so maligned by media--the biggest problem today is that everyone thinks they have the RIGHT to be happy, regardless whose expense their own happiness comes at.

I wasn't able to teach my kids relationship by example because I was a single mom and their dad couldn't be bothered with them. I got married back when marriage was for "happily ever after" THEN AFTER I got married divorces became the norm.

I just feel that the mechanics of it that the schools teach the kids are left with the impression that it is like going into the candy store and picking a Milky Way over a 3 Musketeers and when you get tired of this ice cream flavor there are 48 more flavors to choose from.

I agree that morals should be taught at home but as J_9 said the schools need to give the parents brochures and so forth so the parents CAN discuss things with the kids and be on the same page with what the school is teaching.

[Allheart]

The only thing Mom taught us 5 girls over and over and over and over...

Is to respect your bodies. Do not under ANY circumstances let any Tom, or Harry touch you. They must be worthy.

And I have held on to those teachings. Always did. Every girl should, I think. Your body is so precious, I believe when you are touched in that way, they touch your soul.

When you give of your body you give of yourself.

That was the only lesson I got and it really was the only one I needed.

[N0help4u]

I agree all heart
It isn't so much about teaching morals and values
but at least the school could teach respect the others feelings, consider what you are getting into before you jump into it,
Kids just look, jump into it and ask questions after the fact only to find out they are nowhere compatible or anything.

[Allheart]

Mom was sooooooooooooooooooooo strict about everything. But for this issue man I am so glad. She was like a broken record and most times I was thinking what are you going on about?? But I guess with 5 girls you had to.

In school it was never addressed. I mean never. Sex? You mean what gender... right? :)

I never remember it being mentioned. When I was out, at a house party or something, I just heard my Mom in my head. And I was so shy... I just watched... A couple was all cutsie sitting together, she would get up and leave the room.. and his eyes would be roaming the room... I thought I'll be a stinker. :) Mom was right... Boys only want one thing... blah blah blah. :).

But I tell you what, self respect is worth diamonds.

[N0help4u]

Then there is the opposite extreme
Where many moms are strung out on drugs and bringing home a different guy every few months and even getting their kids started on drugs and that is the example the kids DO have

[Alty]

I do agree that sex education should begin in the home. I had a talk with my 9 year old about it the other day. I asked if he knew what the word sex means, he said "yea but it's icky." I told him that when he stops thinking it's icky then I'd like to talk to him about it. He agreed. Hopefully I'm heading down the right track, hopefully he'll continue to come to me with his questions and hopefully I'll have all the answers.

My concern is for the kids out there that have no one to turn to. The kids with mothers like the ones mentioned, drug addicts going through men like some people go through underwear. Obviously these kids don't have anyone to turn to, they learn by example and the entire vicious cycle is repeated. There has to be a way to put a stop to this, there has to be something that we can do. These kids are growing up to fast, I don't think that sex education is doing the trick, what can be done for the kids that are left with no one?

[justcurious55]

Actually, there area lot of schools ( I don't know the exact number or anything, but clearly too many) that do teach strictly absitence based "sex" education (I don't even undersand that. The teacher gets up says, "don't have sex" and it's over?). And I'm so confused by this movement I'm seeing to have only abstinence education everywhwere in america. Every time I hear about it want to scream! (instead I write emails to politicians pointing out how incredibly stupid that idea is... )
Even the schools that do teach real sex ed don't always do such a good job (like my school! Or maybe it was just my teacher, who showed up once every few weeks... ). We have a very low teen pregnancy rate (like, last year there was a pregnant senior and I felt sooo bad for her because everyone stared at her like she was an alien its so rare in our community to see a pregnant teen). But when I say pregnancy here I mean actually carrying the baby for 9 months. I know of a number of girls who have had abortions and countless more who have had pregnancy scares simply because they don't understand birt control.


Did you ever read that article in seventeen magazine about the high school where there was some ridiculously high number of teen parents (it was completely normal to have 2 or 3 children by graduation or to go to prom showing off your pregnant belly) because they school refused to teach anything other than abstinence?

What we need is for more adults to accept the fact that many of us will have sex and to take the time to educate us rather than simply lecture us not to do it. I'm glad to see an adult finally ask what can be done instead of just going on about how we shouldn't be having sex at all and blah blah blah.

[KD33]

That is a very good question, for teengers the reason they usually have unprotected sex is because they hear about sex when we arelittle kids and over the years if were still virgin it makes us curious to how those parts of our bodies feel, we get urges and without really thinking and not as mature as adults are we have unprotected sex and possibly get called mommy. My old friend had sex when she was 11 years old, another friend was 12. It's unsafe and horrible I know I know I have heard it in sex education classes for I am only 13 turning 14 in may myself, but because of my old friends actions and having unsafe sex this summer she is now a pregnant mother and yet only 17. I think slow dancing is part of the whole thing too, in school dances they feel close to one of the opposite sex... and they get horny and that causes them to want to lose their virginity. And a note to sexual education classes we all know it is important to have safe sex, most us usually don't give a crap and go for it... and when you go into the sex ed classes and talk about those things like the fillopean tubes and the penis, vigina, foreskin and sexual transmitted diseases you just make us think about it and mind can trick you into things even if it's your own and that enourages us to want to know what it feels like.. Lets just say for virginity I'm glad I havet lost mine yet. There's a hint to why we do that .

[justcurious55]

first you girls don't need to be on here trying to make it seem like giving life no matter what age is a bad thing because its not giving birth changes the lives of many people for the better and i refuse to sit here and see ignorant messages posted like that if thats how you feel you need not be on this website becuase people come on here to vent and find answers from people that relate not for judgemental people such as your selfs because its not like you are the people thats taking care of these new born babies

Cleary she is talking to the teens that are not ready for children... otherwise she wouldn't quote that particular question. I think she is absolutely right to be concerned. I don't think teen pregnancy is exactly an epidemic but I do believe that for the majority of teens, pregnancy and motherhood are not for the better. I would not consider her judgemental for being concerned.

[Allheart]

All of you make just wonderful points.

And perhaps even at age 44 I am brainwashed? Mom did a number on me? I don't think so, but I feel strongly about some things -

1) Because a child (and that's what we are talking about... right? ), is going to do something any ole way, well make sure they have what they need to do.

They shouldn't rob a bank, but kids need money, and you know they are going to rob the bank any ole way, so make sure you let them know, to always have the getaway car parked right outside the bank, so they can hop in after robbing the bank, and don't get caught.

Okay stretching in a bit. Girls having sex at age 14, 15, 16 or whatever, with boys of the same age, or even slighty older, blows my mind.

When a boy is 14, 15, 16 and in that age catergory, God bless him, his hormones are racing all over the place. In most cases, he is so hungry for the food, but is way too young and the hormones are racing way too much, to even begin to appreciate how the food was made.

Girls on the other hand, at that same age, do not have those same heavy sexual urges as a boy, and should be able to refrain from having sex at such a young age.

If we teach our children to value who they are, of course all the consequences of having sex, good, bad and indifferent, we will have well rounded children in that area.

There will be some that no matter what will go out and do it any way.

Because there are drugs on the street, and the chances of our children coming across them, and being tempted to do them, should we make sure they have all the tools to do the drugs?

Sex is not for children period. It is rare I would think that someone in that age category has the mental and internal maturity to appreciate the act, and to be able to handle all that goes with it.

Would I tell my child, do not have sex. Not in those words. But they would know everything from A to Z. But no, I would not being taking my daughter to a gyn to get her the pill. She would be well informed of the consequences if she chooses to have sex and be ready to enter adulthood quickly and get used to be called the name Mommy.

Let's give our children some credit - keep them informed - but let's not make the risk higher for them by giving them the impression that you are going to do it anyway so here's protection. There minds are not mature enough to put all the pieces together.

These are children. They have a whole life ahead of them where they will have to be adults, I wouldn't not want to rush them.

Our children have to learn restraint, self-control and self respect.

This is not a regligous belief - this is for their own well being.

With all of that said - If after all my teaching, guidance and educating - My child either got pregnant, or got someone pregnant, I would take them in my arms, hold them so close, cry and let them know how much I love them.
They still are in fact children and human and are going to not always exercise the best judgement. I would make sure I let them know I love them and the child on the way. But they will have to be a parent and all that means. But I would be right by their side. Just like any other time a child falls. You do your best as a parent, teach them as best you can, but sometimes things are not going to go according to a parent's plan.

Bottom line is to still love them.

(kinda makes me wish I was a parent right now - teaching them to value themselves and right from wrong would be a job I would cherish... Bless all of you parents.)

[N0help4u]

becuase people come on here to vent and find answers from people that relate not for judgemental people such as your selfs because its not like you are the people thats taking care of these new born babies

Unfortunately it does end up being the older tax payer dollars that does pay for many if not most of these babies.
I can't blame the teens though because that is one of the reasons I say that they should be being taught the value of a relationship and responsibility and so forth.

[Alty]

Let's face it, todays' youth are growing up allot faster than we did. They are having sex at a younger age, and they are getting pregnant. I do agree that sex education should begin in the home, but that we should only leave it up to the parents of these teens is not a solution for all.

Pregnancy is a major concern, and allot of you have said that if your teen came home pregnant then you would deal with it, what would happen if your child came home with Aids? Pregnancy is a life changing event, Aids is a death sentence.

If it was only kids having kids then it would still be a major issue, one worth fighting for, but it isn't only pregnancy. If we don't teach our kids to have safe sex and reinforce it everyday then we are sending them into this world with a loaded gun for which we supplied the bullets. Talk to your kids, tell them that abstinence is best, but don't leave out sex education otherwise you are playing with fire, and you might get burnt, but ultimately they will pay the price. We have to educate and drill this information into their heads until it becomes second nature. Love can only cure so much, we are yet to find a cure for Aids, it only takes once, are we willing to take that chance?

[Allheart]

Alt you are 100% correct. All the consequences have to be taught. Perhaps a health class and bring in Guest speakers, their same age, who are willing to share their story of getting pregnant, getting STD - Peer to Peer sometimes hits home better for them.

But I completely agree - and that's what I did mean from A to Z.

[Synnen]

We did that, in my school. And we had high school students come in when I was in junior high.

Guess what? Still got pregnant. And I was practicing safe sex!

Really, part of the issue is that we expect kids to BE kids when they're teenagers, when they're not really kids anymore--they're something in between.

The last half of this century is the first time, historically, when teenagers were being told NO SEX! Heck, a century ago, they were being married off as teens! So... you're trying to stop centuries worth of instincts in teens, here.

The life span is longer now, and people are less likely to DIE in childbirth (at least in first world countries), but it wasn't always so. I, personally, don't think it's that unusual for a teenage girl to want to get married and have babies--I mean, isn't that what practically every love story out there screams is "happily ever after"?

The problem, again, is parents. We, as adults, have unrealistic expectations of teenagers to begin with. I've met very few people that can remember to NOT treat a 15 year old the same way they treat a 10 year old. They should be given more responsibility, definitely. They should be given respect in relation to how well they handle that responsibility. Half a century ago, teens were EXPECTED to help with household chores and expenses. If they had a job, it was not for the frivolous things most kids now spend their money on. They were expected to put their family first.

Kids today have too much TIME. It used to be that your time after school was in school activities, a part time job (and not just McDonald's, where they don't expect much from you), or you were helping at home--making dinner, doing chores, helping paint a fence, whatever. You were focusing on your education first, then your family, and somewhere in there was religion. After dinner you studied, and then you went to bed. Where in there was there time for friends? Friends were people you did things with at school activities, or through church, or they lived right next door to you.

Now... with cities bussing kids in from all over, you go to school with people that live nowhere near you. The internet has created a whole new type of friendship, a whole new group of activities.

Both parents working, or one parent working 2 jobs, means less time supervising kids' activities. And society in general just expects less of teens, since they're 'just kids'. A half a century ago, 16 meant you were "almost a man" or "almost a woman" and expected, by everyone, to act accordingly.

What I'm trying to point out is that SOCIETY has changed. Not the kids, not the parenting, not any ONE thing. Society overall has changed, and we're still adjusting to it. Divorces, single parenthood, AIDS, the internet, sexual predators, the whole kit and kaboodle. And we're still figuring out how to make personal happiness and society mesh.

[Allheart]

Ya know after I posted that I thought... wow I do sound like my Mom. And wondered if it were too extreme.

Mom was divorced as well. So it was only her.

There are days where I do fee a bit of releif that I am not a Mom, because I think I would be so focused and maybe too focused on this as well as their little hearts. I am always so worried that they will get crushed.

Great great topic and thread!!

[Alty]

Synnen - You are right, times have changed.

Another problem that I see is that children aren't expected to work for the things they want anymore, I remember having to pay for my own shampoo out of my babysitting money, I was 12 years old.

Nowadays every teen has a cell phone and their parents are usually flipping the bill, even kids that are 10 years old have cell phones, you can't honestly tell me they are paying for it with their own money. No wonder they aren't concerned about becoming pregnant or std's, if it does happen then mom and dad will take care of it or they'll go on welfare or whatever, it doesn't matter to them because they don't realize how much responsibility it takes to have a child, they've never had any responsibility before to teach them.

It's time to start expecting more from our kids. It's time to make them work for the things they want and not just take everything for granted. It worked for most of us, maybe it's time to take a step back and bring back some good old fashioned ethics and responsibility, not to mention values. I don't know if it's the answer, but I think it would be a step in the right direction.

[Wondergirl]

It's time to start expecting more from our kids. It's time to make them work for the things they want and not just take everything for granted. It worked for most of us, maybe it's time to take a step back and bring back some good old fashioned ethics and responsibility, not to mention values. I don't know if it's the answer, but I think it would be a step in the right direction.

That was the subject of a long article in last Sunday's Chicago Tribune Perspective section. The author came to the same conclusion.

[J_9]

We did that, in my school. And we had high school students come in when I was in junior high.

Guess what? Still got pregnant. And I was practicing safe sex!!

Really, part of the issue is that we expect kids to BE kids when they're teenagers, when they're not really kids anymore--they're something in between.

The last half of this century is the first time, historically, when teenagers were being told NO SEX! Heck, a century ago, they were being married off as teens! So...you're trying to stop centuries worth of instincts in teens, here.

The life span is longer now, and people are less likely to DIE in childbirth (at least in first world countries), but it wasn't always so. I, personally, don't think it's that unusual for a teenage girl to want to get married and have babies--I mean, isn't that what practically every love story out there screams is "happily ever after"?

The problem, again, is parents. We, as adults, have unrealistic expectations of teenagers to begin with. I've met very few people that can remember to NOT treat a 15 year old the same way they treat a 10 year old. They should be given more responsibility, definitely. They should be given respect in relation to how well they handle that responsibility. Half a century ago, teens were EXPECTED to help with household chores and expenses. If they had a job, it was not for the frivolous things most kids now spend their money on. They were expected to put their family first.

Kids today have too much TIME. It used to be that your time after school was in school activities, a part time job (and not just McDonald's, where they dont' expect much from you), or you were helping at home--making dinner, doing chores, helping paint a fence, whatever. You were focusing on your education first, then your family, and somewhere in there was religion. After dinner you studied, and then you went to bed. Where in there was there time for friends? Friends were people you did things with at school activities, or through church, or they lived right next door to you.

Now...with cities bussing kids in from all over, you go to school with people that live nowhere near you. The internet has created a whole new type of friendship, a whole new group of activities.

Both parents working, or one parent working 2 jobs, means less time supervising kids' activities. And society in general just expects less of teens, since they're 'just kids'. A half a century ago, 16 meant you were "almost a man" or "almost a woman" and expected, by everyone, to act accordingly.

What I'm trying to point out is that SOCIETY has changed. Not the kids, not the parenting, not any ONE thing. Society overall has changed, and we're still adjusting to it. Divorces, single parenthood, AIDS, the internet, sexual predators, the whole kit and kaboodle. And we're still figuring out how to make personal happiness and society mesh.

Your words here make me proud to be the mother that I am. I'm not trying to brag, really I'm not, but you described my family to a T.

My children (even Little J) has chores, they get allowances, they have after school activities, they still play OUTSIDE :eek: No motorized little trucks, what exercise do you get from that? We have bicycles, with two wheels and pedals that won't go unless you use your muscles.

Rewards are doled out age appropriately. Rae goes to the movies Friday nights usually, and she pays her own way. I drop her off and pick her up (she's 14). I trust her. And in that respect she thanks me for trusting her by respecting our family's morals and values.

She has chosen to break friendships with girls who smoke, swear, use drugs, and are promiscuous... all her own doing without any influence from me.

But, it started when she was young, around 4 to be exact. We felt that if she was old enough to ask a question, she was old enough to get an answer. Now the answer was tailored to her age, but she got an answer nonetheless.

I guess I am raising the "Cleaver" family, with the Beav and the whole crew, but I know where my children are and who they are with.

And, you know, most of that comes from how I was raised. I guess it gets carried down from generation to generation.

[bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE]

I spent an hour reading most of these posts on this thread and I got to tell all you AMHD members... what a discussion.

I grew up in a household full of women (5 of us!) so the sex topic was always bouncin' from wall to wall. I do strongly believe that it has A LOT to do with how your parents approach the topic.

Every Saturday, before I could do anything, my sisters and I had to do chores which my mom assigned. And usually right after I did them, I went right to work. I have been working srongly since I was 12 and always earned what I got now.

Because my mom and dad pushed me to be responsible I believe that had a great effect on my choice of sex.

I am now 20, not pregnant, but was ALWAYS aware of the risks. I have been with one person for 2 years now and lost my virginity to him.

[Alty]

I am trying to create that kind of home for my kids. I firmly believe in waiting until they ask the question and then giving them an age appropriate answer. They both know were babies come from and I've made it very clear that only adults should have kids and that it is better to wait until you are married before you bring children into the world. I do worry about the information that they are getting and will get from their peers, but hopefully I've already built a good foundation so that they will continue coming to me.

I think that going back to good old fashioned values is a must if these teens are to survive in the world today. Things have changed so drastically and not for the better. There is so much sex and violence on television today and there aren't any consequences, that's what our children are learning.

They want to be like the Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohans that they worship, they see their idols getting away with everything from unprotected sex to drinking and driving and not suffering any consequences for their actions. No wonder teens don't think that they will get hurt, their idols don't.

What we really need is for these movie stars to start taking responsibility for their actions and to start setting a better example for the kids that idolize them. Unfortunately we as parents have very little influence over what these people do.