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dallasStar123 · Feb 25, 2008, 12:20 PM

:confused:

Hello, well I was in a relationship for about three years, he was my high school sweetheart... the first 5 months he cheated on me and had sex with two girls.. he told me.. and I broke up with him but he kept telling me that he will change, that it was a mistake.. and I took him back... I've always been right by his side... we hung out everyday.. and it was perfect... he moved to another city for college for 4months, we were still together and I trusted him,but then he moved back, he told me he isn't ready to be settled down, he doesn't want to be tied down,(we're only 19) he didn't want to break up with me because I was the one he wanted to be at the end. But we both ended this relationship beucase I saw he really wanted this and hoped that we get back together at the end... he would always love me... and pick me over anybody else no matter what. It all seem right to me, we talked everyonce in a while, but now last night he told me that he's tired of doing the same thing all the time,( crying.. for him.. etc.) he told me straight up that , you can't keep pushing girls away from me, ((stop telling them that I would always pick u, they don't need to know that... )and that he's been having a good time hanging out with his new friends without me bugging him all the time, calling him, or texting him (I didn't for 5days), he also he told me he's talking to 4 different girls and they don't know that, and I started to cry I told him that in order for me to move on is for him to tell me to stop bugging him or talking to him.. but he said he'll never do that... he told me "move on.....talk to guys date guys.. do your thing.... im not your bf anymore.. but im not gunna tell you to stop talking to me beause i dont want thatt....... i just want to be single and not worry about u all the time..!"...
Soooo I'm so confussed... I love him so much, and I care about him... but I love him.. he's my best friend... I hope someone can tell me what to do with me and my ex.. . I want him to want to hang out with me sometimes... but I don't know what's best for me...

Romefalls19 · Feb 25, 2008, 12:41 PM

It's called giving him exactly what he wants. He wants space? Give it to him, and a lot of it. This guy seems like a first class loser, why would a girl like you want to go back to him? While I can't say what to do, but what's best for you is to drop this zero and start to heal yourself with No Contact... It's the best thing for you, and it will be hard at first but in time things will start to look up for you

addicted2u143 · Feb 25, 2008, 12:49 PM

I was in the same situation and let it drag on for more than 6 years. My advise would be to drop him now before it gets harder. You sound like me when I was going htrough that similar situation. You will just end up taking him over and over again and getting hurt far more than you may now be. He wants his cake and to eat it too! So as hard as it may be you will get through it! You are still young and deserve to be happy. I finally cut my losses and I found a good guy who treats me great. He just may not be the one one for you to make you happy. Good luck

peggyhill · Feb 25, 2008, 01:07 PM

I'm sorry you're going through this! I think the best thing for you to do right now might be to take a step back and not contact him for a while. He isn't ready for the kind of relationship that you are. Until you feel more "over" him, it might help you to not contact him so much. Someday, you may be able to look back and enjoy the good times you guys had and forget the bad, but right now, you are still hurting so much that seeing him/talking to him will probably make you feel worse.

If it's meant to be it's meant to be. But it sounds like at the very least it isn't meant to be right now. Someday, who knows, maybe you guys will end up together. But I think you need to explore other options because this guy isn't ready for commitment. If you give other people a chance, maybe you will meet someone even better for you! This guy has obviously moved on, so I think it would be good for you to also. Take some time for yourself to heal and get over this hurt, and when you feel ready to date again, know that there are plenty of fish in the sea. No need for you to keep getting hurt by this one. I hope you feel better soon!

wannabehappy · Feb 25, 2008, 01:10 PM

Hi! I'm in a similar situation but my exboyfriend is not dating with another girls... I know it's hard but the best thing you got do is NO CONTACT. You got to be strong because it won't be easy, he's is your best friend and you'll feel like you're not complete. I was like this one week ago, but believe me, you can do it too! If you're always calling him and showing him that you're there waiting him, all you get is moving him away from you! Give him space and if he really loves you, sooner or later he will realize it... but you got move on! And don't forget, always look your best and put your best smile! Good luck

susangpyp · Feb 25, 2008, 01:26 PM

Another vote for NO CONTACT.

It sounds like it would be good for YOU to have some time and space and be able to see him for exactly what he is. You're young, you'll heal. After a while you will feel grateful you did not get deeper involved. Take care of you.

Fixer12 · Feb 25, 2008, 02:38 PM

Yea, I know it is hard, but you also need to realize that this guy... is just using you. He knows that if he doesn't find a girl that he can just come running back to you.

Trust me I have been there. I had played that game for the last year of my life. It seems hard now, and it is honestly going to be hard for a long time. But you have a lot of love to give. If you can forgive a guy for sleeping with two girls, and still want to be with him, and put up with that crap... you will FOR SURE find someone new and better.

Give your love to someone who matters. Trust me I have been there, and still am. I would go No Contact for a very long time. Almost to the point where you forget and one day you think, "oh yea i wonder how he is." but you only think that because he is your friend, not someone you want to be in a relationship with.

Just be strong. You will do great!

dallasStar123 · Feb 25, 2008, 08:28 PM

Originally Posted by peggyhill

I'm sorry you're going through this! I think the best thing for you to do right now might be to take a step back and not contact him for a while. He isn't ready for the kind of relationship that you are. Until you feel more "over" him, it might help you to not contact him so much. Someday, you may be able to look back and enjoy the good times you guys had and forget the bad, but right now, you are still hurting so much that seeing him/talking to him will probably make you feel worse.

If it's meant to be it's meant to be. But it sounds like at the very least it isn't meant to be right now. Someday, who knows, maybe you guys will end up together. But I think you need to explore other options because this guy isn't ready for commitment. If you give other people a chance, maybe you will meet someone even better for you! This guy has obviously moved on, so I think it would be good for you to also. Take some time for yourself to heal and get over this hurt, and when you feel ready to date again, know that there are plenty of fish in the sea. No need for you to keep getting hurt by this one. I hope you feel better soon!

I know my ex isn't ready for comittment... but I just need him... I love him so much and I care about him... we had so many plans.. and we still do... and just the other night he came over my house and he had told me that he was going to get his mom and dog and I asked him that I tought you were going to get me one.. and he said I will later once we get out apartment... so I was like... umm okay... I'm guessing he wants me in his future. Just not now? He looks at me and still tells me he loves me and I asked him how is it that you can tell someone you like them but come back and tell me you love me? And he's like... easy.. its easy for me... these girls don't mean nothing to me... and I always tell them I don't want a relationship right now... but also my ex tells me that I don't appreciate that he looses people because of me... because he tells them he will never stop talking to me.. and he can't just tell... me to stop calling him because that's not what he wants.. . I don't know... I need more advice.. I can't let go of someone I really care about... :confused:

talaniman · Feb 25, 2008, 08:54 PM

Sorry for the pain your going through, but if you take away the words he tells you, and judge him by what he does, you would know he is keeping you close, but doing what he wants, when he wants, and with whom he wants. He knows exactly how you feel, because he made you feel that way, and to be honest, you let him. You gave him your heart, and he ain't letting go, because he has you, where he wants you. He doesn't want what you want, nor does he feel the same as you do. That's why your hurting, and he is partying. The only way you break his control, is as the others have said, No Contact, and you'll be hurt, and miserable for a while, but you will break his control, and heal, and that's exactly what you need, to see him for what he is. A user.

wannabehappy · Feb 26, 2008, 05:47 AM

I understand that it's not easy, I needed 1 1/2 month to realize that I really have to NO CONTACT, and after 1 week he was the one eho started a talk on messenger! But I still strong and only answered him by short words. It won't be easy at the beginning but you'll going to get better a few days later. Be confident! Good luck

susangpyp · Feb 26, 2008, 05:53 AM

It sounds like you're in love with what he used to be or your fantasy of what he will be again... because the person he is presently is causing you pain and acting like an idiot. This does not sound like a promising situation. I will vote again for no contact so you can step back and figure out what you need to do for you.

Love is as love does. This guy's actions says he doesn't love you because you don't let someone you love twist in the wind as he is doing. Before you continue to weather the blows he's raining down on you, it would be wise to step back and think about what is going on and what you want out of life. He sounds like he is toying with you and if he really cared about you, he would not do that.

Take care of YOU.

Fixer12 · Feb 26, 2008, 10:32 AM

I know it is hard, but like someone said before, he wants his cake and to eat it also.

I had been through that before. My ex would always come running back to me every time she didn't have someone to talk too. Or someone to be with.
I have been doing my best to do no contact now for about 2 weeks. (I have been going through this with her for 2 years). But it feels a lot better.

You will heal in time when you want too... but do you honestly want to be with a guy in general where you have to put up with that? Think about it. Don't think of it as HIM, think about it as if you were telling someone else.

jolienoire · Feb 26, 2008, 11:01 AM

Originally Posted by dallasStar123

:confused:

Hello, well I was in a relationship for about three years, he was my highschool sweetheart.... the first 5 months he cheated on me and had sex with two girls.. he told me.. and i broke up with him but he kept telling me that he will change, that it was a mistake.. and i took him back...... i've always been right by his side.... we hung out everyday.. and it was perfect....... he moved to another city for college for 4months, we were still together and i trusted him,but then he moved back, he told me he isnt ready to be settled down, he doesnt want to be tied down,(we're only 19) he didnt want to break up with me becuase i was the one he wanted to be at the end. but we both ended this relationship beucase i saw he really wanted this and hoped that we get back together at the end... he would always love me......and pick me over anybody else no matter what. It all seem right to me, we talked everyonce in a while, but now last night he told me that hes tired of doing the same thing all the time,( crying.. for him..etc.) he told me straight up that , you can't keep pushing girls away from me, ((stop telling them that i would always pick u, they dont need to know that ...)and that hes been having a good time hanging out with his new friends without me bugging him all the time, calling him, or texting him (i didnt for 5days), he also he told me hes talking to 4 different girls and they dont know that, and i started to cry i told him that in order for me to move on is for him to tell me to stop bugging him or talking to him.. but he said he'll never do that... he told me "move on.....talk to guys date guys.. do your thing.... im not your bf anymore.. but im not gunna tell you to stop talking to me beause i dont want thatt....... i just want to be single and not worry about u all the time..!" .....
soooo im soo confussed........ i love him so much, and i care about him.... but i love him.. hes my best friend....... i hope someone can tell me what to do with me and my ex.. ..... i want him to want to hang out with me sometimes.... but i dont know whats best for me...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...-187766-2.html please read my post I hope that it can help you...

rockerchick_682 · Feb 26, 2008, 11:17 AM

Stop all contact immediately. You seem like an intelligent, down to earth girl. You can do so much better. If he wants to go and screw around then let him. He's going to do that for a while and then realize that he wants to settle down and he'll come back to you. It seems like he knows that's going to happen and that's why he sticks around for a while.

This really reminds me of my last serious relationship. I was only with him for about 6 months, but during that time he told me he loved me and quit all the drugs he was doing for me. I don't really know, but my theory is that it was nice for someone to show that they cared about him and give him limits (because his parents obviously don't). He got tired of it and broke it off and then continued to call me late at night telling me about how his life was better cause he could smoke all the weed he wanted and go with any girl he wanted. And it hurt, a lot. So I know exactly how you feel.

Basically, forget about him and move on, cause if you don't it will just wear down on you until you're so depressed that you forget about the people that really love you.

siren999 · Feb 15, 2011, 02:51 PM

I was in a similar situation for 8 years and only this year have had the courage to have no contact. It's been 3 months with no contact and I still think about him every day, but it does get easier. You have to do this for your own good. I should have done it years ago. Good luck and keep smiling