[taralmcs]

My mother allows my 10 year old brother sleep with her. Not just every now and then, this is all the time. He has his own room, his own bed, and things within his own room for entertainment before bedtime. Recently, my parents purchased a new and bigger bed for him figuring that this would get my brother out of their bed, which would also mean my father could also return to the bed he is supposed to share with my mother. Because my mother doesn't know how to say no to my brother, there is no room in their bed for my father. I am a 21 year old college student and trust me, there isn't a jealousy issue. I would rather pull all my teeth out with pliers then sleep with either one of my parents. My brother is nearing puberty and is very very attached to mommy. Also he has many other psycho emotional issues. For example: He only eats a select group of food 1) Shredded Cheese (like salad cheese) cheerios (with no milk), crackers, Peanut Butter Sandwhiches, and French Fries. That's it, these are considered meals for him, he doesn't eat anything else. My mother has never weaned him off the food he ate when he was 2. 2) He doesn't wipe his bottom after going to the bathroom, which leads me into another point, he doesn't close the door when he is using the bathroom EVER! He also talks on the phone to his friend that lives down the street when he is in the bathroom. 3) He doesn't do his homework, not even when threatened. My parents will say that they will take away privileges such as TV and Playdates, but never enforce anything. He knows that they will not enforce anything and plays them like a card.

I am more concerned about the sleeping arrangements, however, if you know of any laws about anything listed, please post a response. I am afraid my parents are setting my brother up for emotional problems and future failure.

[N0help4u]

She is turning him into (or should I say HAS turned him into) a mamma's boy and that is N0T good at all. Can you have a talk with your brother that it is time for him to grow up or he will end up being teased as a mamma's boy?
I am surprised your dad just lets him get away with this.
She is doing him no favors.

[hollylovesbrandon]

Wow, he doesn't even wipe his own bottom. Does he just, let all the poop stay there or does your mom clean that off too? Either they are going to start cracking down and enforcing their threats or they will have a real problem on their hands!

[oneguyinohio]

Is your brother developmentally disabled? That doesn't make the situation right, but there are some milestones that he should have met long ago. Perhaps your parents are having problems accepting some problems. There may be support available... especially if he attends public school, It is hard to imagine issues not being recognized at school.

[Fr_Chuck]

Well I have to say I am not sure I actually believe the post, but if it is true, perhaps reporting this to child welfare, the boy needs a lot of help he is not getting at home.

[N0help4u]

Yeah that may be good to report to CPS but the mom, dad and kid would most likely deny the stuff and then it would be 'unfounded and closed'
If his psycho problem is effecting his social everyday life emphasis needs to made on that so they can look into those issues and mandate therapy.

[s_cianci]

It sounds like your parents may have deficient parenting skills. And if what you say is true, they are most likely setting him up for emotional difficulties later in life. But I don't know of any actual "laws" that they may have broken, based just on your description. It isn't illegal to be a "dopey" parent without any common sense. It's only illegal to be neglectful according to what the law defines as "neglect." Not feeding him at all would be legal neglect. Feeding him nothing but twinkies and tang isn't legal neglect ; it's just neglect in the sense of good, solid parenting skills. So I don't necessarily think the law's on your side.

[N0help4u]

If the CPS felt that there is enough emotional problems and dysfunction they can mandate counseling.

[taralmcs]

I know it sounds unbelievable, and trust me I get that response A LOT! No one can believe it. As for the eating aspect, my grandmother (mom's mom) had a similar problem with my uncle (mom's bro) for 10 years. My uncle only age Peanut Butter sandwhiches from age 2 until around 10 years old. But all the other things, that's all due to my mom, my uncle never had the other problems. No, my brother isn't disabled or mentally ill, for the most part your average ten year old in appearance. When it comes to the bathroom, he just doesn't wipe at all. He had my mother doing it for him until about 4 years old but then she decided she was too lazy to get up and walk to the bathroom to wipe it for him. I asked about the laws because I would image there has got to be some kind of laws about children and what age it becomes "inappropriate" for a boy to be in his mothers bed. At this time I don't think there is any inappropriate action going on, he is just very "mommy attached".

[N0help4u]

The eating habits can be 'normal' my kids refused to eat most foods but I still tried to get them to eat whatever else I could rather than caving in and just always making them the same old same old. Your mother needs to stop babying him and make him grow up.

Can you have a most boys your age talk with him?

I don't find it hard to believe because I have seen similar.
I know some moms that kept diapers on their baby's butt until they were almost 5 years old.

[taralmcs]

Due to how many people find this to be shocking and unbelievable, some ask me how I didn't turn out like this... I was never mommy attached (we have never been close) and for the most part grew up faster then I should have and had a lot of influence from other family members. I've had my boyfriend talk to him from time to time and my brother will admit that he knows how much he gets away with but doesn't listen when we try to tell him its not right. Mommy is the smart one and we are just jealous he'd tell us.

[N0help4u]

Some day he will wake up hopefully.

What does he mean mommy is the smart one. It sounds like mom may be encouraging his behavior which is something I was wondering.

I was also thinking that if there is a teacher or somebody in child development or psychology at your school you might want to ask them for any ideas.

[taralmcs]

Due to how unreal his issues are, people ask me how I turned out normal... I didn't get along very well with my mom growing up so I spent a lot of time with my aunt and uncle who gave me structure and discipline. I moved back with my parents when I was about 15 so I wasn't influenced by my mom's unconventional ways. Some of the others things he gets away with are staying up late, until about 11 on a school night when my mom goes to bed. He claims to have issues with writing, his hand writing is not readable yet his hands work fine for playing video games and Nintendo d s. He is on the verge of failing 4th grade and his teacher doesn't say anything except "he is smart, but doesn't want to apply himself". His past teachers all (except the current) hated my mom and my brother because my mom never corrected his behavior and my brother never had self control in their classes. His current teacher has a "Special Education" degree but is not a Special Ed. And just thinks he is A.D.D. But I disagree, the problem is my mother. Oh and did I mention, my mom cleans his room for him too. He refuses to clean up after himself in all areas, his room, when he eats, when takes his clothes off in the bathroom for shower, etc. and my mom doesn't care. If I ask him to pick up after himself, I get told that it is not my place. So even though I try to help my brother, I can't because my mom tells me I am overstepping my bounds. Also, I have gotten my boyfriend to talk to my brother about how things are supposed to be, but my brother thinks we are just "Jealous" of him and my mom.

[taralmcs]

Sorry I couldn't see that my reply had posted earlier.

[N0help4u]

Yeah I think we hit the post button at the same time.

[N0help4u]

I am getting the impress that your mom is babying him because she wants to keep him a baby... if he never grows up she never grows old mentality.
If he is failing grades and having to be held back that should be something to get Child Protective Services involved. He is being held back and your mother is causing it, that is neglect. If he grows up to be a drug addict or really messed up your mom has only herself to blame since she tells you you are overstepping your bounds.

[taralmcs]

We were supposed to see a family counselor at one point but because my mom was put in charge of seeking the family counselor out, we never went because she doesn't think there is anything wrong with how she is raising him. She also blames it on a disorder called "Sensory Processing Disorder" which is where the child has issues with loud noises and graphic scenes (Scary things, fearful things) etc. But when my boyfriend and I have talked to him about it, he has said that mommy tells what he should be scared of and what should "feel" uncomfortable to him. From what I have read about it, it is basically "the spoiled rotten child syndrome" but my mom would never admit that. He sees a Occupational Therapist who was working on his food issues and writing, but soon gave up on the food because he absolutely refuses to eat new things. I just think it all is a form of control over my parents. Other family members have said the same thing but my mom doesn't listen. It might be sick, but my parents aren't intimate on any level and I think my mom might be seeking that "feeling" of being loved intimately from my brother. No sexual intimacy, but she'll still kiss him and cuddle him in front of other people. I think they both need help, but if I were to say something like that to my mom, I'd get thrown out of the house and disowned.

[taralmcs]

That's weird, our posts posted like 4 times.

[simoneaugie]

If you know how, could you fix dinner with him? My 10 year old is spoiled by her grandma. Grandma fixes dinner, then makes three more meals for the three granddaughters. Mine became such a pill. I told her that I was not going to make her a special meal different from everyone else's. After she threw a huge fit, she agreed to help me make dinner. Food is less scary and more interesting when you cut it up, watch it boil, run the can opener, operate the microwave and mix things with gloves on. She has learned to like several new foods and enjoys being involved.

Her big sister likes to help her make food, and has a different teaching style than me. I suspect that big sister somehow 'misplaced' all the game controllers for a while too. She said that she would help try to find them if the bedroom was picked up. That was effective.

You can't tell your mom what to do, but you can be a positive and cheerful influence on your brother. Most people thrive on rules and routines if they are introduced to them in a positive way. The little boy is probably dying to have someone spend time with him, one on one. Be the adult.

[N0help4u]

She is at college and the mom refuses to make the kid eat or do anything he doesn't want.
I think the mom has an emotional or psychological problem and the kid is feeding off it because he likes the attention.