Check out some similar questions!

Dr Watson · Mar 13, 2008, 01:01 PM

Thanks you to all of you, but mostly you talaniman, for hanging with me through this. Most times I know the answer but can't see the forest for the trees, so to speak. Other times talaiman has blasted me into reality with things I needed, but didn't want to hear. I am coping and everything is very fresh. (she still hasn't told me we are broke up)... but I am looking after myself... putting one's self a priority isn't easy for me... but the more time I spend away from her the clearer everything is becoming. Clarity and such is great, it doesn't help the hurting much, but does give back some self respect. And the way I see it self respect and love are the only way out of this.

Don't worry talaniman, I'll be strict with the NC. I still have to work on the "put myself first"
Part, but I'll figure it out.

Dr Watson · Mar 26, 2008, 09:51 AM

Talaniman and the others that have been so kind to advise me through this, the last time I was on she had sent me a text and it through me for a loop. Since that time I've stuck with NC got involved with a nurtrition program and have increased my workouts. I even went on a date (did NOT go well). It is still hard, overwhelming at times, but I am surviving.

Then, last night, she emails me. She started asking about my Easter (which was really hard) and hoping all was well with me, then asked if I would help her (she is staying at my Aunt's house, while she is in Florida) with my Aunt's car. This would involve me riding with her (the ex) from my house where it is stored, to hers.

I got the email at 10pm last night and probably only got 2 hours sleep, couldn't stop thinking about, well, everything! My aunt is coming back next week so she is getting ready to move... and, no, I don't know where.

What do I do? I know NC is important, but can civilized adults clean up some of the broken pieces of this relationship? I need to get my Aunt's car back... I need my stuff out of my aunt's house. Should I meet her one last time... put things in order for my Aunt's return and to say good bye once and for all?

She has STILL NOT said we are broke up, even though I have broken up with her, but with NC she doesn't know that. Take of business with her. Wish her well. And walk away. Forever. That is how I feel. Am I right?

talaniman · Mar 26, 2008, 10:06 AM

She has STILL NOT said we are broke up, even though I have broken up with her, but with NC she doesn't know that.
Trust me she knows the score.
Take care of business with her. Wish her well. And walk away. Forever. That is how I feel. Am I right?
You are absolutely correct. No mention of your intentions is necessary. Be nice polite and cool as a cucumber.

Dr Watson · Mar 26, 2008, 10:11 AM

Talaniman, then I am starting to "get it"... it is the FIRST thing you've agreed with me on.

Cool as a cucumber? I think I can do that.

Thanks for everything you've done for me, talamiman. I am not home free here, but I am living a healthier life style today and hopefully some day a happier life.

talaniman · Mar 26, 2008, 10:19 AM

Glad to hear that Doc, and you'll be okay. Good luck.

Truthseeker33901 · Mar 27, 2008, 04:00 AM

Originally Posted by Dr Watson

for 2 weeks...is this "break" simply a pre curser to break up? Been a week today and I am not handling it very well...could use some advice. She started a new job/career several months ago and it is very demanding with a lot of travel...and our together time has dropped to nearly nothing...then last Saturday she asked for the "break", said we had been getting on each others nerves lately and maybe this would help. Said she still loves me, and has contacted be a couple of times this week, but sense the beginning of the end...relationships need work, not abandonment...I am using an aternative form of no contact, in that I'm waiting for her to contact me...is this the right approach? If we were indeed breaking up, I know what to do, but in this case...I don't know.

A break... means breakup. My husband did that to me recently after meeting his natural family after 30 years. Took off with his half sister... hasn't been home yet.

George_1950 · Mar 27, 2008, 06:33 AM

Dr Watson: thanks for sharing your story. For your further edification, if you haven't read this already, I recommend the following as to how relationships are managed:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...-198603-2.html

Dr Watson · Mar 31, 2008, 08:45 AM

Well, broke NC and met the (ex) yesterday to take care of things around my Aunt's house... my goal again was to just get it done wish her well and walk off into the sunset.

This NC must be powerful stuff is all I've got to say, talaniman. She greeted me at the door with the biggest hug ever. Talked for a moment, then she wanted to know if I wanted a drink while we were packing and cleaning. I mentioned that long forgotton bottle of champaign in the fridge. She agreed. I thought well if I'm going to go out I may as well go out in style, so I opened it.

As we worked we talked and as we emptied each room of our stuff... it got pretty emotional.
I mentioned to her one of the hardest things for me was going to be, if I never saw her again, was our little tennis outings. She stood up, looked at me and said who said we couldn't play tennis? And why wouldn't I see her again? I blinked once, blinked twice and went on working and didn't respond, but my heart was racing.

I'll skip forward a little... as we brought out the last boxes, she stopped in the doorway, turned, looked at me... emotions were running high for both of us by now... I said that whatever happened I loved her. She responded in kind... dropped the boxes and another heartfelt hug.

Needless to say, things were not progressing as planned. But progress they did. 8 hours later after drinks and dinner. We made plans for a movie this weekend... and, it appears, our "break" is over... thanks AGAIN to Talaniman and NC. She wanted space... as Talaniman advised, I "gave her all she could handle"... and as it turned out, she missed me.

Romefalls19 · Mar 31, 2008, 08:50 AM

Congrats! Keep taking things slowly and seeing how she handles the situation. I hope everything continues to work in your favor. Keep in touch and let us know how things go buddy

talaniman · Mar 31, 2008, 10:01 AM

Keep us posted. Alcohol, perfume, intoxicating I know.

confused25 · Mar 31, 2008, 10:15 AM

Originally Posted by Dr Watson

We made plans for a movie this weekend...and, it appears, our "break" is over...

Appearances can be deceiving, so proceed with caution. Personally, I never allow myself to celebrate anything until it's finally set in stone. For example, provisional acceptance to a college or job is not a full-fledged acceptance, things can easily change. I really hope everything works out for you, but remember to take things slowly.

Dr Watson · Mar 31, 2008, 10:16 AM

I know, talaniman, I was doing so well. And you are very suspicious of this. Well, I am to a degree also... I ecstatic right now, but am taking a wait and see position and am not going to push it... this time apart has worked wonders for her and I am not going to crowd her or actually anyone ever again. Lesson learned.

This is a chance however to put some of those "life" lessons that keep rolling in, to use.

And I know I'm taking a huge chance right now.

Dr Watson · Mar 31, 2008, 10:28 AM

Confused...

I know. Very slowly and no things are not always what they appear... not afraid to admit I'm a little afraid of this.