[mynamezdeb]

My husband is an alcoholic. We do not hide the fact or are we ashamed of the fact. It is a disease that can not be cured but can be controlled. Just like a diabetic. It is a disease that can not be cured but controlled and no one is ashamed of it or hides it. Why then do the professionals think all alcoholics are hiding their drinking, hiding behoind a mask, and should be ashamed that they have a disease? Does anyone out there think this wrong like I do?

[talaniman]

The truth is some people do hide their drinking, that's a fact. Many drink, because of bad events in their lives, and drink to cope with their situation. Those are fact, neither right nor wrong, but the alcoholic that deals with his disease, in a responsible, positive way, neither hides it, or is ashamed of it.

[mynamezdeb]

I do know a lot hide their drinking. But it is a disease which a lot of people are ashamed of. The alcohol in a "normal" person breaks down one way and in the alcoholics brain it breaks down differently. I am a RN but I am tired of those who treat the disease trying to pigeon hole all addicts into the same mold when they are each an idvidual with indivual needs. Perhaps if they weren't all battered into being ashamed more of them could deal with their disease in a positive way.

[peggyhill]

I know a lot of people do hide it because they feel ashamed and/or don't want people to know how controlled they are by their desire to drink. But I think your husband's approach of being open and up front about it is much healthier. He has a much better chance of staying sober because he understands that he can't drink again and treats it as a disease. Good for him and for you for supporting him!

[mynamezdeb]

So how can I help others to view alcoholism as a disease and that it should be treated as such and to help them understand they do not need to be ashamed. And thanks to both people who have written so far.

AA and the rehabilitaion inpatient he went to both teach them that they are ashamed, hide behind masks, are depressed etc. which is not true of everyone. The inpatient hall had no idea how to treat him. They tried to brow beat him into admitting untrue things and when I backed up his truths his counselor they still continued to brow beat him and tell him how bad he was and that he was hiding his drinking, and hiding at home. All of which is not true. His first drink was at the age of 3. Its been a part of his life all his life. He is happy go lucky. He wanted to stop drinking so we took him the rehab to make sure he did it with 24 hour nursing care. When it came to the counselor he brow beat him and even assured him what my husband told him with stay between them but the counselor told other people about what was said in confidence. My husband asked for another couselor that he could trust and the fellowship hall would not change his counselor. They said they don't do that. But wouldn't common sense tell you that if you don't trust the counselor change counselors to one you can trust?

[Fr_Chuck]

Those that wish to stop can, it is hard but while I feel sorry for the alcoholic I feel even more sorry for their family. And most should be ashamed of what they do, how they lived and the sorrow they bought to their family.

Sorry but this post makes it sound like they are proud of this and addictions are bought on by the person, not to be confused with something they are not in control of.

[susangpyp]

So how can I help others to view alcoholism as a disease and that it should be treated as such and to help them understand they do not need to be ashamed. And thanks to both poeple who have written so far.

AA and the rehabilitaion inpatient he went to both teach them that they are ashamed, hide behind masks, are depressed etc. which is not true of everyone. The inpatient hall had no idea how to treat him. They tried to brow beat him into admitting untrue things and when I backed up his truths his counselor they still continued to brow beat him and tell him how bad he was and that he was hiding his drinking, and hiding at home. All of which is not true. His first drink was at the age of 3. Its been a part of his life all his life. He is happy go lucky. He wanted to stop drinking so we took him the the rehab to make sure he did it with 24 hour nursing care. When it came to the counselor he brow beat him and even assured him what my husband told him with stay between them but the counselor told other people about what was said in confidence. My husband asked for another couselor that he could trust and the fellowship hall would not change his counselor. They said they don't do that. But wouldn't common sense tell you that if you don't trust the counselor change counselors to one you can trust?

Do you go to Al-Anon? You sound very over involved in his care and hooking into the alcoholic "everyone is against me" drama.

I don't know what "tried to browbeat" means.

It seems like more of the alcoholic family drama. Us against the world.

It can't BE the entire world. I think that you should worry about your own recovery and let him worry about his. Go to Al-Anon, go to Codependents Anonymous. Detach with love and work on yourself.

[talaniman]

The shame comes in the things that alcoholic, and addict do in the addiction, and sets in motion even more of the same until they seek help, and heed it. Yes the can get help, but they have to really want it. Many who do not understand, don't know what they're talking about, and have no sympathy, but its not about them. Its about the person, and if they have had enough misery, and pain.

[mynamezdeb]

I am proud of my husband. His addiction to alcohol is a disease. Most people can not wait to get drunk. But that is OK. If they have a disease associated with it the world thinks they should be embarrassed. I guess every disease people have that is not curable only treatable the people should be embarrassed that their gene line gave them the disease. It really amazes me at how ignorant people can be. I guess if I take care of a diabetic that blood sugars are out of control I should tell them they can quit eating whenever they want and they should be ashamed of themselves. It's the same difference.

[talaniman]

While I like your passion, your sounding a little to judgemental, to be trying to deliver a message, almost like those religious zealots, who shout my way only, and everyone else is wrong. You don't have to brow beat anyone, that makes you look like the very ones you complain about.

[shygrneyzs]

So you are one of those who have clung to the alcoholic has a gene that predisposes them to alcoholism. Which studies are you referring to here? If you can cite them, I would gladly read through them.

When I went back to college for my second degree, which was Addiction Counseling, there were those who believed as you do. There were those who stated that their feet would just take over when they walked down the street and the next thing they knew, they were in a bar drinking.

You talked at great length about how the counselors would brow beat your husband. Do you know how deeply in denial many alcoholics are? I mean DEEPLY! Same as people with anger problems. That "brow beating" is a probing technique used to ferret out the true inner self. It used on the alcoholic and the family. As it is known the family can cover so very well.

You have your own issues here - anger is the first one. I think a
Co-dependency group would be an excellent one for you to get involved with. If you have children, that there is a group for children of alcoholics.

I don't believe in teaching that alcoholics should be ashamed or embarrassed that they are alcoholics. What is shaming is their behavior and the things they did when they were in their binges. Sometimes some very lethal consequences.

Not all counselors work with the same methods. I prefer a Rogerian approach. If you do not like it, change it. But I would think you would not get different results, in this case. You have a huge chip on your shoulder.

[mynamezdeb]

The brow beating comment came because the couselor assigned to him did not believe him when he told the truth. The counselor told him continually he was not telling the truth. When they interviewed me separately and I told the same truths the couselor still thought he was telling lies and insisted he was. Then my husband felt he had to tell lies to get the counselor to quit. He lied and the couselor quit because the lies fell into the stereo-typical alcoholic. What I have been trying to say is that I accept all people for who and how they treat me and others and that I accepted the fact that he is an alcoholic but our lives aren't disruptive like most. I wanted to see if there were anymore addicts with more qualities like we have instead of the stereo type. I am far from in denial. I am aware it could be so much worse and it is for a lot of others... but I can't believe all the others. I am not trying to judge anyone. I want to see if anyone else feels that treatment programs can only treat those who are violent, ashamed, hide their drinking etc... when I at least know one man who does not hide, is not violent, smiles most of the time, is not ashamed; its just been a part of him since he was a child. And why does society say I have to be ashamed of him? People aren't ashamed of partying on weekends, drinking during the superbowl, special occasions, wine at dinner, all the advertisements on TV and magazines for alcohol... but if a person has a disease that there is no cure for and wants to control it; if they aren't violent, ashamed and hiding their drinking there isn't any help for them. AND yes he asked to be assigned to a new counselor when the counselor shared private information from their sessions with others because he no longer trusted the counselor. He was told by the counselor that it couldn't be done and since he no longer trusted him they couldn't go any further.

[mynamezdeb]

Evidently you do not understand a thing I have been saying. I am angry that we took him to suggested facility and to quit drinking like he wanted but it was unbelievable to his counselor but not to the family counselor. HIPPA was violated too.

[shygrneyzs]

I want to see if anyone else feels that treatment programs can only treat those who are violent, ashamed, hide their drinking etc..

If that is what you truly believe in a rehab program, then neither you nor your husband will be truly successful in your recoveries.

[susangpyp]

If that is what you truly believe in a rehab program, then neither you nor your husband will be truly successful in your recoveries.

I agree. There is a level of denial here and the alcoholic family "us against the world" mentality. It's you and you and you not me and him.

[J_9]

Just who were the "others" the counselor shared the information with? Were they strangers or someone involved with the rehab center?

Also, your comparison of alcoholism as a disease and the disease of diabetes is ludacrious. Comparing those two is like comparing apples to oranges. The addict, whether it be drugs or alcohol, made the conscious decision to start drinking or drugging in the first place. The diabetic did not choose his/her disease.

Now, I know you're going to play the "genetics" card here. I don't particularly buy it. If a person has alcoholism in their family, and they are aware of it, they still have the choice to make the conscious decision to drink or not to drink.

The person who is genetically inclined to diabetes can do nothing about their background, they can follow a healthy diabetic diet and get all the exercise they need, but they either are going to get diabetes or they aren't. It's not a conscious decision on the part of the diabetic.

Okay, now give me my reddie.

[mynamezdeb]

I like the quote about success is building a foundation with bricks thrown by others by David Brinkley... seems like a lot of bricks are being thrown with no real answers. By the way he has been sober for a long time. I just think people should broaden their minds.

[mynamezdeb]

Just a diabetic can chose to control the disease, the alcoholic can also chose to control their disease. No similarities huh?

[J_9]

Okay, I asked you a question.

Who did the counselor share the information with? Were they strangers? Friends of your husband who did not know of his alcoholism? Or people who worked at the rehab facility?

[mynamezdeb]

For the one who asked the question about who he shared his information with. He shared it with other patients at the facility during group sessions. He was told by his counselor that it would all stay between them and not be shared. Then the couselor shared it all over the facility.