How do you know

notsuregurl13111 · Jan 24, 2006, 03:13 PM

[FONT="Arial Black"]gotta Question how do u know if a guy is abusive because my ex is always getting mad at me keeping me away from friends and family i act different when i'm around him because he always acts like he is going to hit me if i do one little thing wrong around me and i feel werid and i don't like it and i feel like im on a lease and he wont let go:mad:

Fr_Chuck · Jan 24, 2006, 03:30 PM

Originally Posted by notsuregurl13111

[FONT="Arial Black"]gotta Question how do u know if a guy is abusive

my ex is always getting mad at me keeping me away from friends and family

i act different when i'm around him

because he always acts like he is going to hit me if i do one little thing wrong

around me and i feel werid and i don't like it and i feel like im on a lease and he wont let go:mad:

And why in the world do you see him or go out with him.

First if he is an ex why are you around him now and how is he keeping your from your friends

If he is not an ex, he needs to be.

A person who is mad, says he is going to hit you, and keeps you from your friends is a jerk first and yes he would be considered abusive, emotionally if he has not really hit you, and physically if he has ever hit you.

JoeCanada76 · Jan 24, 2006, 04:37 PM

If you feel that way. Unless you like that kind of attention. It is time to leave.

lilfyre · Jan 24, 2006, 06:00 PM

I hate to get into my past, I have been married for 17 years to a wonderful man, and he was my best friend, now we are married and he is still my best friend. Before we married, I dated a guy like you are describing. Possessive and jealous, we dated for all most almost 6 months, before I got smacked he told me I ASKED FOR IT, with sorry, sorry, so sorry I will never do it again. It got worse and worse, my friend (now husband) kept saying leave. I kept saying he does not mean it, he really trying, you don’t understand him. I will make this short because I can get really windy when a question touches my heart and sole. I learned who he was one night when I came home late from a night out with my friends and he met me at the door with a baseball bat. He broke my nose separated my jaw, and broke the bone under my eye and left me lay on the kitchen floor. My friend (now my husband) was the first one I called to get help. He called 911, when he got to my home and seen what had really happened to me. I do not remember much after calling him. I lost 4 day of my life lying unconscious in the hospital. This happened two days before Christmas 87, I married my best friend, May 28th 88. I think he felt sorry for me. It was funny in a way because we never had any feeling in that way for one another. I look back now and say he did me a favor, we each, my husband and I found our sole mates.

All kidding aside, if you feel that this man is or can be abusive, LEAVE HIM NOW, and do not do it alone. I hope things work out for you, be safe please.

giggles · Jan 24, 2006, 06:35 PM

my advice to you:
STAY AWAY FROM THIS PERSON!Don't contact him, don't answer his calls, don't see him, surround yourself with friends and family. Stay with people you trust. A strange part of you might miss him, and want to contact him. This is where your friends come in.
TELL THEM What's BEEN GOING ON. Don't keep this idiot's secrets anymore. Tell your friends how he tried to keep you away from him. Once you break this cycle of secrecy, it will be easier for your friends to help you. Try not to be alone too much in the beginning. If you are alone, you might feel vulnerable and contact him out of habit. DON'T!!
LISTEN to what people say about the subject... take for example Lilfyre's open and brave account. Bear in mind, that for people to tell their personal stories takes a lot. It also means that it's important enough to share with you. I have been in this situation too. Now, I have no contact with this person, although he continues to try and contact me. The distance has taught me this: I am the better person. I do not ever deserve this type of behaviour. I choose not to have it in my life.
PLEASE PLEASE recognise, that no one should try and keep you from your friends, or get mad at you like that, or make you feel threatened. That in itself IS ABUSIVE BEHAVIOUR
AND IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE IF YOU STAY AROUND HIM.
I have one more thing to say, you might not like it, but I believe it to be true, so please don't be upset by this: consider it.
AS LONG AS YOU STAY AROUND THIS PERSON, YOU ARE FACILLITATING THIS BEHAVIOUR. YOU ARE PART OF THE EQUATION.
take yourself out, and it will be harder for him to find someone to bully. Because firstly, he has to get to know someone in order to manipulate them - as undoubtedly he did with you. I'm sure he was nice as pie to you when you first met!
you don't owe him any explanations, excuses for the severence of your friendship. This man is poisonous to your soul, yourself esteem, your happiness. If you are cornered, just explain you have nothing in common anymore or you have chosen a different path in life and don't want to remain friends. If you live in a small place, where your paths cross or your social lives entwine - stay in for a while. I'm serious! This is for you. You need to break the pattern that keeps you in contact.
And please heed what Lilfyre said above. This is how serious it gets. Don't for one minute read what she wrote and think "he would never do anything quite like that". Im sure you never thought he would behave like THIS either.
One more thing! Your moving away from this relationship will open up so many opportunities to find what you really deserve. Believe me. Stay strong x

PrettyLady · Jan 25, 2006, 12:40 AM

I agree with the others. Notsuregurl, I was in an abusive relationship for 2 years and I broke it off and walked away. I know that it is hard to walk away from a relationship, but you have to leave this guy before he seriously hurts you. Being in an abusive relationship is very unhealthy for you. You can have trouble sleeping or have headaches. You may also blame yourself, feel guilty, and have trouble trusting other people in your life. Staying in an abusive relationship can hurt yourself confidence and make it hard for you to believe in yourself. You should definitely leave the relationship if your getting hurt. Walk away from this person and get on with your life.

bizygurl · Jan 25, 2006, 07:00 AM

Please stay away from this man, he's nothing but trouble. If he is your EX that would give you all the more reason to stay away from him.

notsuregurl13111 · Jan 26, 2006, 10:04 AM

Thanks guys for all ur help! The other nite i went out W/ my friends and he was there and i didn't go near him i didn't say hey Ryan or anything i stayed as far away from him as i could then he got really mad and was sayin y arn't u talking to me i said cuzz i don't want to be around u anymore and that ur really bein mean to me and he said i'm only just playin i wanted to belive him but after (lilfyre story)i can't belive him and i know how his dad is and he has the same personality and he is always yellin at ryan's mom and it hurts ryan when his dad does it to his mom. i don't think when he does it to me he notices what he is doing and i told him STOP ACTING LIKE UR DAD! that was a mistake and he got really mad started yelling at me sayin u don't know anything so shut ur mouth! but i am stayin away from him

lilfyre · Jan 26, 2006, 10:08 AM

Be strong, you can do it, the right one will come along, it is worth the wait (O:

notsuregurl13111 · Jan 26, 2006, 10:15 AM

Yeah I guess it is its going to be really hard to stay away from him I go to skool w/ him so yeah

DJ 'H' · Jan 26, 2006, 10:20 AM

Get as far away from this guy as you can. Stop seeing him, contacting him etc.

My ex was very similar to this and he almost ruined my life. I lost all my confidence, friends, everything.

It's taken me nearly two years to get my life back and now that I have I do not intend to let anyone ever do that to me again; no matter how hard they try.

You can do this; you just need to find some inner strength. Don't put up with this treatment and don't settle for it - you deserve so much more and above all you deserve to be happy!!

bizygurl · Jan 26, 2006, 11:48 AM

You can do it. Im sure it will be really hard at first. And he may bug you a bit in the beginning, just as long as he doesn't start harassing you. Are you in high school? I was going to say, if you are and he starts harassing you, go to your guidance counselor or a teacher that you trust, if you don't feel comfortable going to your parents. No one deserves to be tormented by another human being. Good luck to you.

notsuregurl13111 · Jan 26, 2006, 12:57 PM

Yes I am in high skool thanks for helping me I may have to do that

JoeCanada76 · Jan 28, 2006, 04:54 PM

Just because you go to school with him does not mean that you have to be around him or associate with him.

talaniman · Jan 29, 2006, 02:52 PM

I don't care if he lives in your pocket you do not have to take any crap off him at all.He has issues you can't help with so you have a right to tell him to leave you alone and do not hesitate to inform someone in authority if he continues to bother you!:cool: