[heartbroken63]

I am new to this site. I thought I was on the right site but now I am for sure. Friend fu178 was so comforting to me. I am in a very strange situation. I have been married for 15 years. I'll give you the short version...
6 years ago my husband lose a good paying job. We ended being evicted with no money. We ended up staying with my in-laws for a while 6 years. It was horrible but we needed a place to stay. We have a 8 year old daughter. It became very hard for her because of interference from my in-laws. They are old school and very strict. My husband got a job and we starting saving to get back on our own, well it didn't happen because we ended up paying for mostly everything and we ended up broke and it was very stressful in our marriage. We have been through so much together including losing our son, he was still born. We always got through when things were bad.
My husband befriended a female co-worker and they became friends. She was married with a 10 year old daughter. She felt bad and asked us if we wanted to move in with them. They had plenty of room for us and was not going to charge a lot so we could save and get out on our own. Well, 3 months after we had been there she decided to kick her husband out and file for divorce [she had done this to him 3 times and always took him back] This time she didn't. I got very sick and was in the hospital for 2 weeks [her husband was there at that point] It's when I got back she kicked him out. She was a mess and we tried to help her get through this. We found out that she has mental issues, not sure if it is multiple personalities or bipolar. Of course if we knew that we would have never moved there no matter how strict it was at my in-laws. My husband is a very kind and caring person sometimes like this to a fault. One day she said to me she was falling in love with my husband. I was shocked I was speechless. I did tell we were very much together and since we got out of our bad situation we were doing fine and we loved each other. The next day she called me and just rambled on how much she wanted my husband, do I really love him etc. I told her yes and we were very much together again. She was very angry and said she would back off. When my husband got home we talked about this and said they were good friends and he only was trying to help her get through her break up like any friend would try to do. She just wouldn't let it go and started getting wacky and acting like a different person. So my husband felt really bad and continued to help her. I did too but I really didn't know her well. Next thing I know she got really they of my husband and started making advances towards him. It was then he told me he was confused about his feelings for her and might be in love with her too. Next thing I know he asked me for a separation. We all live in the same house. I took it very bad and couldn't believe what I was hearing. He said horrible things to me but then the next day he said how sorry her was and he loved me very much, hang on and everything will be OK. Because of her mental issues he asked me to pretend we were separated and me like an idiot did. That night he moved out of my bedroom and into hers! He swears they have not had intercouse and he won't do anything with her but she wanted him to use "toys"on her. I am not a stupid woman and found this hard to believe and how could he cheat on me after all these years. To me any kind of "sex" to me is cheating, he does not think it is. He promised he would get out of this after he got the job he wanted and made more money. My 8 year old daughter is confused, she is not unsafe but she shouldn't have to see or hear any of this. I keep her busy when I can. This started Oct.31, 2007 and is still going on. My husband had admitted that he is in too deep and was only tying to help her, it is really bad. He still tells me he loves me and when we can we are together. Just be patient and trust him. At first I did but now because this is still going on I don't believe him, I want to but he is in so deep and I am heartbroken. It's like I don't exist when she is around but when she's not here it fine. She is also trying to take over my daughter by always sticking her nose in. I told my husband to make her stop it I am her mother. She lets her do what ever she wants just like she lets her 11 year old does. I have a big problem with this. MY daughter and I have had many talks and I have asked her to come to me not her. My husband is so stressed out and now we fight because I want this ended now but this job he wants is taking time to set up. We don't have any money or a place to go. So now she's jumping all over me and evert time she starts with me and I defend myself she wants to kick me out and keep my daughter there. My husband tells me when she does this to listen and ignore she lives in a fantasy work=world and he really "F" up and how sorry he is blah blah blah. I am not a perfect mother but I do not neglect my daughter, we always have been close but now she is pulling away from me because she lets her do anything she wants when I am not around. When my husband is around he does say something and she listens to him. Tonight we had a big blow out because she told me I was not a good mother and she is more like a mother to my daughter. She also expects me to sign a divorce and custody agreement giving up my daughter and full custody to my husband. She is doing it not him. He went and told her this is between me and him, well that wasn't good enough and kicked me out again. My husband talked her into not doing that so I haven't heard or seem any papers for me to sign. He has screwed me over so bad but yet tells me he loves me and be patient this will all be over soon. I can't tell you how many times he has said that. I don't know why I even love anymore for what he is doing to my daughter and me. I have called legal aid in my area I have an appointment to see them to see what my options are. I just can't take it anymore, all I do is cry and am so depressed. I try to hide it from my daughter but she knows. I know it upsets her because I am not the same. I have medical problems, diabetes and kidney disease[I had a hard pregnant and my kidneys wer damaged but I would do it all again if I had to and no regrets, she is my world.] I get SSD but it is a small amount which is not enough for me to go out on my own. I am exploring many options and have told my husband if this is not over by the end of Feb. I will leave and take her whether he or she likes or not. He told me it's not necessary and it will be over. I just don't know if I believe this, he has made so many promises. I think he is afraid of her and what she will do because she is unstable. I know she would never do anything to mu daughter but I am afraid for myself and husband[god knows why I worry after what he has done] I have support from my family and friends but they have no room for the 2 of us. They help me as much as they can for me but all are strapped for money. I would not want to take my daughter to a shelter, not that they are bad but she is already confused and It would be to traumatic I feel. So I am in this where my husband is having an emotional and physical affair so we al don't get kicked if she freaks out. He knows he is wrong he was only trying to help her but in the end he sacrificed me and his daughter. Some one on the other message board said it was like I was giving them my blessing to have an affair right in front of me, that is so not true! It is so easy for other people to say just get up and leave. It's not easy when you have nothing and no car. I want to have faith and trust him but this has gone too far, he says he will fix it... So I will continue to copy anything I see out in the open and take pictures of the house and how messy it is, she thinks I am the maid. But now being banned to my room I won't do anything at all. I know god doesn't give you more than you can handle, I just hope we make it through. I feel better just writing it out on the right message board. Any suggestions? I have to watch what I do or say or she will throw me out. It's like being a prisoner and can't speak what's on my mind. My daughter comes up a lot and we spend time watching TV , reading or platying a game. She really won't talk about this to me so she now sees a therapist and so do I.
Thank you for your time.

[LostInHisEyez]

Thank you so much for that...

I'm glad knowing I'm not the only one out there...
Thanks a lot, really.

[blk_beauty]

Thanks I really needed that. It made me cry just reading it and thinking of most of thoes things that I did in fact do. Don't know you but love you lol.



[COLOR="Red"]
"LOve YOURSELF THE WAY YOU WANT OTHERS TO LOVE YOU BACK!"

[Stunning07]

Man... that's so truee.. thanks

[spicegoddess63]

You are so right. My ex boyfriend cheated and is w/ the girl he cheated on me with not even 2 weeks "he" says she asked him out. And he's all like "i'm not the on that dumped me" he keeps telling me how much he misses me and asks me if I feel the same

[HanSolo]

I just registered here after reading this post Friend4U. I have been feeling better although it nearly brought a tear to my eye when I read your post. I have done a lot of the things that you mentioned and have then felt thoroughly ashamed. Nothing over the top but calling when asked not to, texting, meeting up, whatever. I don't feel half as bad about it now. Some people have a certain calling in life and you definitely arrived at this board for a reason. Keep up the good work and I hope things are better for you now.

[heartbroken63]

Things here have got worse. Still no job and this whole PRETEND spereation has reached the point where the crazy girlfriend forced me to sign a divorce\custody agreement with my husband or I was going to be thrown out and not be able to take my daughter with me. I know I should have never signed it! It is just a piece of paper and no witness, notorized nothing. My name is even spelled wrong on it. My husband who for god knows why I still love him says it's BS this was the only was not to have me thrown out. He just tell me to trust him. I have contacted a lawyer and am waiting for thwm to answer me by e-mail only because you never know how's listening here. Through this whole thing he says trust him, he loves me I am so screwed up since this I have lost 45 pounds and all I do is cry. The Dr. even put me on medicine, it helps a little. I feel like I am dead. I will not give up my daughter is the most important and I think I would die if this happened. No I am not going to do anything, figure of speech. I would just pick up and leave but then I would be abandening her and I can't and won't do that. I hope this job thing is real and will happen so we can get out of here.

[talaniman]

What!! Lady take you and your daughter, to a shelter ASAP!! What the heck are you waiting for??

[heartbroken63]

I am in the process of making arrangements to get out. I have talked to 2 different lawyers and they said to file a physical custody order asap because there is nothing to prevent anyone from taking her out of school. I also made my A$$hole of a husband sign an agreement with me regarding this agreements are not valid, I was surprised he did it. Final decisions of custody can only be legal if a judge does it and if changes need to be made they will. He is also in the process of finding a new job, the other one has not come through and he knows we need to get out. So basically I don't have to deal with crazy one he made sure of that and told her these are not valid if WE choose them not to be. That we did agree on. I think we are both on the same page and he knows he F'ed up big time and now he is trying to get us out of it. I got news for him, when we are out and settled I WILL DIVORCE him for all he has done to us. I know you must think I have lost my mind but I have to play this right so my daughter is safe...

[sovaira]

Friend4u 178 I just wanted to ask u ,what happened to the crazy guy after that... lolz


Really great advice.

Including me, I think over 98% of people go through this,thanks friend4u( for I don't know your name)

Thumbs up

[RickJ]

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