[excello98]

Right, this may take a while.

Last year I asked a good friend out (she had moved nearby to NY from Dallas - we had lived far apart before this). She said yes, but had a boyfriend at the time (I was unaware of the boyfriend - she hadn't told me about him because of her feelings for me) and couldn't breakup with him right away. We hooked up (kissing only) a couple of times, and then (eventually, after a period of NC and a few heated discussions) broke up with the boyfriend. We've sort of 'started our relationship again', which I think is a good idea. She broke up with him in early Jan.

Since then our relationship has been good. It's certainly much better than it was when she had the boyfriend. We recently started sleeping together (we'd never done that before) and we see each other fairly often.

My problem is this. Although we're pretty much both nerds, she's much more of a 'wild child' than I am. Particularly sexually, she has been involved in a number of escapades that I would never even dream of. She's been very honest with me - which is good - and she told me that during the period of NC she had cheated on her boyfriend (slept with 3 other guys and 2 girls) when she was extraordinarily drunk. She felt horrible and really regretted that night. She says she hasn't done anything like this since we've 'been together' and that she doesn't want to. I had never slept with anyone before her. She knows this and she says it makes her very happy (On a side note - I totally recommend waiting until you find someone you really like. I'm almost 21 which puts me waaaaaay past the average for these sorts of things - but really, it's worth it).

However, she keeps asking me 'what would I do if she kissed another guy', and saying that, 'she needs more time to "get everything out of her system"' after her last relationship. I understand both of these things, but to be honest, I really do have serious problems trusting her sometimes. I do trust her - I'm not possessive and I don't check up on her or anything - but a lot of the time I catch myself wondering 'what she's up to', or worrying when she's going 'out with a friend' or 'had a big night last night'. It's not serious, but what do you guys think?

She says she wouldn't have a problem if I kissed another girl, but I asked her what she would do if I said "I'd found someone else and we should just be friends" and she got quite upset. I think she really likes me (she tells me lots of sweet things like that all the time), but she's a bit younger than I am and I don't want to push her away by asking too much of her commitment or 'exclusivity-wise' when she's not ready. By the same token, it has been a long time (at least since I asked her out the first time) and I don't want her to be able to walk all over me. It seems like a hard line to tread.

Anyway, enough from me, what do you think?

[Tyne26]

Right, this may take a while.

Last year I asked a good friend out (she had moved nearby to NY from Dallas - we had lived far apart before this). She said yes, but had a boyfriend at the time (I was unaware of the boyfriend - she hadn't told me about him because of her feelings for me) and couldn't breakup with him right away. We hooked up (kissing only) a couple of times, and then (eventually, after a period of NC and a few heated discussions) broke up with the boyfriend. We've sort of 'started our relationship again', which I think is a good idea. She broke up with him in early Jan.

Since then our relationship has been good. It's certainly much better than it was when she had the boyfriend. We recently started sleeping together (we'd never done that before) and we see each other fairly often.

My problem is this. Although we're pretty much both nerds, she's much more of a 'wild child' than I am. Particularly sexually, she has been involved in a number of escapades that I would never even dream of. She's been very honest with me - which is good - and she told me that during the period of NC she had cheated on her boyfriend (slept with 3 other guys and 2 girls) when she was extraordinarily drunk. She felt horrible and really regretted that night. She says she hasn't done anything like this since we've 'been together' and that she doesn't want to. I had never slept with anyone before her. She knows this and she says it makes her very happy (On a side note - I totally recommend waiting until you find someone you really like. I'm almost 21 which puts me waaaaaay past the average for these sorts of things - but really, it's worth it).

However, she keeps asking me 'what would I do if she kissed another guy', and saying that, 'she needs more time to "get everything out of her system"' after her last relationship. I understand both of these things, but to be honest, I really do have serious problems trusting her sometimes. I do trust her - I'm not possessive and I don't check up on her or anything - but a lot of the time I catch myself wondering 'what she's up to', or worrying when she's going 'out with a friend' or 'had a big night last night'. It's not serious, but what do you guys think?

She says she wouldn't have a problem if I kissed another girl, but I asked her what she would do if I said "I'd found someone else and we should just be friends" and she got quite upset. I think she really likes me (she tells me lots of sweet things like that all the time), but she's a bit younger than I am and I don't want to push her away by asking too much of her commitment or 'exclusivity-wise' when she's not ready. By the same token, it has been a long time (at least since I asked her out the first time) and I don't want her to be able to walk all over me. It seems like a hard line to tread.

Anyway, enough from me, what do you think?

She said she doesn't have a problem if you kissed another girl this could indicate she isn't ready for something serious and just wants it to be casual. She also said she need stime to get everything out of her system. If you are wanting something more with her then you maybe living on false hope. She seems younger as well and at this age evryone is usually finding themselves and experiencing other people. She may just not be ready for a committed relationship.

[imation]

Did I understand right at the start - you asked her out, she said yes even though she had a boyfriend... then cheated on the boyfriend with 5 different people in one night? Not good signs.

It's POSSIBLE that when she asks you "what would you do if I kissed another guy", she is really saying " I kissed another guy but I regret it, please dont over react". Notice I said possible, this may not be the case.

It sounds as if this girl really cares for you but is in a state of mind that often occurs after a long-term relationship, people want to go out have fun and sex and not care about what they are doing.

If she needs to "get things out of her system" then you should do just that. Break up, have time apart, and when she is mature enough to pursue a relationship, get back together. If you keep going down this road there is a good chance she will cheat on you like she did with her last boyfriend

[excello98]

Thanks guys. Yeah imation - you got those parts right. I just needed another opinion.

I guess I'm waiting for either a) her to get over everything and make it a proper relationship or b) someone better to come along. I think if b happens she'll be more likely to be happy with a relationship. It's just that I'd rather let her make the moves (or the mistakes if she has to) rather than me push her away preemptively.

I do like the idea of maybe going on a 'break' and leaving it up to her to decide if she wants a relationship.

Thanks again. Any other opinions?

[MOWERMAN2468]

I think she really likes me (she tells me lots of sweet things like that all the time), but she's a bit younger than I am and I don't want to push her away by asking too much of her commitment or 'exclusivity-wise' when she's not ready.

I'm almost 21

Be careful of the ages here. You don't tell her age, but state that she is quite a bit younger. You being 21 makes you an adult in all 50 states and above the age of consent. However, she could, I said could be under the age of consent which could spell trouble for yourself. And be careful of diseases, if she has been sleeping with that many people, I would be wanting a couple of test ran before I got too involved.