[wewed100606]

I guess I am not sure... maybe this should be under children, or divorce, or family, or whatever. I will spill it and whoever wants can clean it up.

My wife and I are currently separated in hopes that it will save our marriage. She moved out and is living about an hour and a half from our "home". We have two children, one of which is school aged. We decided to split time with children because we both love them to death and felt it would be best for everyone. We are only a week into this and my heart is absolutely crushed.

My daughter who is the school aged child, along with her brother spend 4 days during the week with me so we didn't have to take her out of preschool. The other three days are spent with mom.

The problem is this. I don't know if this is the best arrangement for the kids. I feel like my daughter is going to be confused about where home is. I feel like attending two separate daycares, having two separate sets of friends, having to haul different toys back and forth, and constantly "wanting mommy to just live here with us", is just ruining her. I feel like the only way to make it easy on these kids is too make one place their home and the other parent have as much resonable "visitation time" as possible.

I know my wife will not back down and say they can stay with me... I just know she won't out of spite or fear or whatever. I, on the other hand, am willing to do anything that makes this easier on the kids. If they are better off being at mom's during the week to keep things stable for them, so be it, I will drive down there as much as I can to do things with them and take them home on the weekends. I am willing to sacrifice my time with them if it is better for them emotinonally and mentally. I hate that this is the way this had to be done... for the kids sake, but I need to stand by my wife... I love her.

I guess what I am asking is that will me being a caring father and giving up this time with the kids for their benefit because their mom will not do the same thing hurt me if this ends up in divorce? Will me being the bigger person and doing what is best for the kids hurt my chances of having the most time with them after a divorce and will it hurt my chances of minimizing the $$ I have to give my wife (what everyone calls child support) if a divorce happens.

How can I care for my children and still let them go for their happiness without hurting us later down the road?

[N0help4u]

Custody issues and child support are two separate issues that do not affect each other.
For now you probably should just keep the custody thing the way you have it because it can be hard on her to be uprooted from preschool and put in another class and have to adjust getting over old friends and making new ones. You should keep it as is until the fall -new school year.
Then you should probably switch it to mom weekdays and you weekends. You don't want to give up their time with you even if you have to buy whole new sets of clothes and toys.

[talaniman]

NOhelp4u, is right. Do nothing for now, except what your doing, as it will be a while before anything is settled.

[wewed100606]

OK... thanks guys... but I just don't know how to handle my daughter and how to make this easier on her... any suggestions?

[N0help4u]

You just have to treat daily life as normally as possible. She is possibly too young for a mommy and daddy just aren't getting along speech right now so this is the way it has to be... but if it is needed you might have to.