[Tawney]

What do you do when there is no option for no contact? I work with my ex, who is married, and who I love very much. He acts very much like he loves me also, always has, just can't seem to find his way. I cannot take the pain anymore, the long nights alone, knowing he is sleeping next to his wife. But I work closely with him, and believe very much in the whole NC thing, but obviously cannot do it. We harbor no ill, and feel bad for what has happened. I don't want to be in pain, and don't want him in it either. How do you get through the days?

[peggyhill]

Have you given counseling a try? It might help you with this situation. I think when someone has been with someone for a long time and they break up, it is normal to sometimes still care for the person even if you know it would never work out. Since you guys were married, you know each other very well and have shared lots of experiences, and that makes it hard. A counselor once told me that when people divorce, they often mourn for the lost relationship, which isn't the same as wanting to get back together. Does that sound like what you are going through? I would give counseling a shot if you want to continue to work with him; maybe it would help you feel better. That would be hard having to see the ex every day!

[imation]

You can still do NC of a sort. Seeing as you are civil with each other, tell him you need to get over him properly and he needs to let you do that by not contacting you and not talking to you much at work. As long as you don't over think things and don't talk to him unless you really have to then NC can still work

I also agree that counseling could be very beneficial

[JBeaucaire]

You're in bonded servitude to this employer? I didn't realize that still went on... just kidding.

I know it's drastic, but seriously, you two made this impossible situation, one of you should leave. Since you can't make other people DO anything, that leaves you.

It's not really drastic. People change jobs all the time, and more often for the better. Consider it.

And when you get to your next employment adventure, keep this past situation in mind when a co-worker asks you out. Workplace romances are awesome when they work out, but you see what you get when they don't, eh?

[talaniman]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sh-114179.html

See if this helps.

[Handyman2007]

What does NC mean?

[talaniman]

NC=No Contact-The act of leaving someone alone.

[Handyman2007]

OH, OK. I would suggest that instead of putting yourself through emotional hell day in and day out, move on. Get a new job. Move to a new town, Get a boyfriend. That is unless you really want to continuously stab at your heart with a large dagger until the day you die.

[Tawney]

Wow, I posted this question two days ago, and felt stronger already when I woke up yesterday. Every input is amazingly helpful and appreciated. I actually learned in one day the power of NC, and everyone just keeps reinforcing it. Yesterday at work was hard, but I made it through the whole day. He did not, but my response to every question was I am fine. And although I am not, I have made great leaps and bounds in only a few days because of the suggestions and input from each of you. And the site provided by talaniman, https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sh-114179.html was extremely helpful. Silence is golden... I hope I do not have to find a new job, although I am going to start looking anyway... Thanks, and I will keep listening...

[talaniman]

The link was from Ash123, and it is in her signature, all credit to her.