[Distantlove]

I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, and I love him, he's great. He treats me how any good boyfriend would, he likes to take me out and he's very affectionate towards me and shows that he loves me. All my friends and family can see he's a nice guy.

Like every relationship we have our ups and downs, however, the problem is, he doesn't listen to my feelings. When he's upset, I put every effort into trying to make him feel better and to solve his problems and to help him get through them.
The thing is, I would love for him to do that for me too. I find that when I'm upset about him or something he's done, he doesn't want to listen and says he doesn't feel like talking about it. Sometimes I'm desperate for him to help me feel better and to talk to/help me get over whatever I'm upset about - like I do for him. I even told him that he's not completely there for me when I'm feeling down about our relationship, and he just said that he does really love and care for me, but he doesn't know why he doesn't want to listen to my problems, he said he feels like a bad person by not listening to me - so why doesn't he!

Please help:(

[imation]

He may feel uncomfortable when you confront him about issues. The only way you will get through this is by communicating to him that he needs to listen. Even if you start small by him holding you as you talk about it without him saying a word, then slowly but surely asking him how he feels about what you've said.. then eventually you will both get better at communicating.

[talaniman]

Relationships are a two way street, and if he cannot reciprocate your feelings, then discuss it when there is no emotional turmoil going on. Timing is the key, as to when to approach him. Communication is built over time, and your still new at it, so pick your spots to express yourself. Your communication skills may be better than his, so consider how to bring this up, as opposed to the why you need to talk about it. Good Luck.

[Distantlove]

Relationships are a two way street, and if he cannot reciprocate your feelings, then discuss it when there is no emotional turmoil going on. Timing is the key, as to when to approach him. Communication is built over time, and your still new at it, so pick your spots to express yourself. Your communication skills may be better than his, so consider how to bring this up, as opposed to the why you need to talk about it. Good Luck.

Thanks for helping, I appreciate it :) I'll try mentioning it when there's no turmoil. But what if he still doesn't feel like talking about it, how would I get through to him? What if he thinks I'm just getting at him? Or if there's no improvement, what should I consider?

Thanks.

[talaniman]

The way you present it is key, and if he is unresponsive you back off. WAY OFF, so far off he sees you, but wonders why you are saying nothing. You ignore his needs as he ignores yours, and when he asks, you explain very nicely your needs, without blame. Sometimes the best way to get attention, is not to give it. Sounds cruel, but no communications no relationship. If he is not willing to work with you, you may have to suggest marriage counseling, or go yourself to get guidance, with solving your problem with him.