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    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,794, Reputation: 2604
    Dating & Teen Expert
     
    #1

    Feb 13, 2008, 09:18 AM
    Creation
    ... a different kind

    In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and
    Populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green
    And yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would
    Live long and healthy lives.

    Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice
    Cream and Krispy Crème Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate
    with that?"

    And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it,
    add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

    And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the
    Figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white
    Flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And
    Woman went from size 6 to size 14.

    So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented
    Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croûtons and garlic toast on the
    Side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

    God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive
    oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish
    And chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man
    Gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

    God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food
    Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and
    Named it "Devil's Food."

    God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose
    Those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so
    Man would n ot have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman
    Laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

    Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat
    And brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin
    And sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man
    Gained pounds.

    God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer
    Calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's
    And its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with
    that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan
    Said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

    God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

    Then Satan created HMOs.
    Scottish2008's Avatar
    Scottish2008 Posts: 501, Reputation: 32
    Senior Member
     
    #2

    Feb 13, 2008, 10:16 AM
    Hmm.. nice add. I must of missed it. I will have to read it again.
    biggsie's Avatar
    biggsie Posts: 1,267, Reputation: 125
    Ultra Member
     
    #3

    Feb 13, 2008, 10:47 AM
    As Flip Wilson used to say on The Flip Wilson Show -- The devil made me do IT!!
    cutlass1970's Avatar
    cutlass1970 Posts: 16, Reputation: -1
    -
     
    #4

    Feb 15, 2008, 05:17 PM
    In the beginning, God created nothing, for he doesn't exist!!
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,794, Reputation: 2604
    Dating & Teen Expert
     
    #5

    Feb 15, 2008, 05:39 PM
    ^^^
    Thank you for that bit of information. It really added to the humor
    magprob's Avatar
    magprob Posts: 1,877, Reputation: 300
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    #6

    Feb 15, 2008, 11:15 PM
    Then God came forth with the rice cake which cause civilization to spiral out of control into the dark abyss of complete destruction. Amen

    Rice cakes really suck. Unless of course, you glob Nutella on them.
    the1unv's Avatar
    the1unv Posts: 285, Reputation: 31
    Full Member
     
    #7

    Mar 22, 2008, 04:40 PM
    That's good!!
    Duecey93's Avatar
    Duecey93 Posts: 207, Reputation: 3
    Full Member
     
    #8

    Apr 5, 2008, 08:39 PM
    Good
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,317, Reputation: 5972
    Pets Expert
     
    #9

    Apr 5, 2008, 09:05 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by magprob
    Then God came forth with the rice cake which cause civilization to spiral out of control into the dark abyss of complete destruction. Amen

    Rice cakes really suck. Unless of course, you glob Nutella on them.
    You don't need the rice cake, just use a spoon.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,317, Reputation: 5972
    Pets Expert
     
    #10

    Apr 5, 2008, 09:05 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by cutlass1970
    In the beginning, God created nothing, for he doesn't exist !!!
    Aren't you just a bit of sunshine.
    Da Bigchamp's Avatar
    Da Bigchamp Posts: 360, Reputation: 18
    Full Member
     
    #11

    Apr 9, 2008, 03:58 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by cutlass1970
    In the beginning, God created nothing, for he doesn't exist !!!
    Keep your oppinions to yourself and just enjoy the joke.

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