[justaguy]

First, I'll start by saying I'm not sure how well I could put in to words the entire situation I'm in, since it's hard to describe personalities and things of that nature, but I'll try.

The thing is, I've been dating this girl for nearly 4 months, and things are going wonderful. It's past the whole googly eyed 'You're so perfect' stage and still I can say that we have nearly no problems what-so-ever. It's almost like a Hollywood romance movie where everything just seems to fit, so far. The thing what worries me, is her ex boyfriend. He was her first love and they dated for 2 years, and have been broken up for basically 1 year. They still go to school togather (she's a senior in high school) and up until recently, they've tried to remain friends (more on this later) Now, the part that scares me...

She's told me that some part of her still has feelings for him, but she knows that there's no way she could go back to him and has no intentions what so ever to do so. She's smart enough to realize a relationship between her and her ex will not work, but she can't help feeling that some part of her still loves him. She's also told me that what we have togather is much better than anything she's ever experienced in a relationship, including the one she had with this ex. A few days ago we talked about this again, and she says she feels much better about the situation because she feels that she doesn't have those feelings for him anymore, but I'm thinking that's just what she would like to believe, and may just be trying to convince herself it's true, especially her knowing that's what I would like to hear as well. I also know that she'll be honest with me about all of this.

So, is she just experiencing something that people tend to go through when dealing with a first love, especially one you see almost every day, or is it something I need to be really worried about, even if she doesn't realize what could potentially happen? So far, my advice has been for her to try and eliminate him from her life as much as possible, and I hope that's good advice for her.

What are your thoughts? And, sorry it's so long, I just don't want to leave anything out, which I probably still have. Thanks in advance.

[fredg]

Hi, Justaguy,
Getting over someone you love is hard; it takes time. Sometimes, it might take a year, if you really did love someone. Even then, they might always be in your thoughts sometimes. It depends on the age, and if older, such as in 20's and 30's, might even take longer.
Please give her some time, and even at knowing her 4 months, is really not a long time. Hang in there, keep talking honestly, and all you can do is hope it all works out. I do wish you the best.

[talaniman]

Hey guy,It sounds to me like you're a little insecure about this ex!Since she has told you straight up how she feels I think you should take her at her word and don't worry about this ex.Those nagging negative feelings will poison your so fresh relationship with this girl.Unless you have a real reason to doubt her then leave it alone and try to be a little more trusting and positive,she also sounds as if she has moved on from this ex ,so should you.:cool:

[Wildcat21]

Dude - QUIT worrying about the other guy!! And for the love of god QUIT talking about it with her. You're only showing insecurity and jealosy - two horrible things to show a woman. YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE STANCE WITH HER THAT YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT THIS GUY.

IF she brings him up ever again you tell her - "that's boring and you don't car" - immediately cahnge the subject!! Immediately.

DO NOT BRING THIS UP WITH HER AGAIN. You push her away.

It's insecurity and jealousy.

There nothing good that can come of bringing up old flames. Nothing.

If you don't trust her - and you show jealousy and insecurity to her - she won't respect you. Then there is no relationship.

You keep bring this guy up and talking with her about AND ALL you accomplish is to push her away AND HELP HER KEEP THINKING ABOUT HIM!!

There is NOTHING to accomplish talking about him. You need to thin that she isn't with him for a reason.

[justaguy]

Thanks for the responses. It's true that I am insecure at times, but I try not to let it show. I wouldn't have worried about it if she didn't tell me that she still had feelings for him. After their break up, they became best friends and they almost got togather a few times, but never did. Since I'm sure that she stays comepletly honest with me, I figure you all are right, I'm just being insecure.

Thanks for the advice everyone.:)

[Wildcat21]

"I'm sure that she stays comepletly honest with me" - all I can say is becareful there. Woman aren't the sweet, innocent things you wish they were. Have barriers - take it slow - tests.

She brings the guy up to test you to see if you're insecure.