[dani1314151617]

Please can someone help me find my bio mom. I really miss her but I am not old enouf to fine her through records can someone help me?

[Fr_Chuck]

Are you adopted, did you ever know you bio mother ?
What was the reason you were taken away from your bio mother.

[dani1314151617]

Yes I am adopted and yes I knew my mom. I cops took us away because she did marajja but I was really close to her and I am always crying and on the internet trying to find a way. Can you help

[Fr_Chuck]

Sorry no, and I am sure there was more than just pot invovled for chidren and family services to take you away. And they would have given your mom the ability normally to clean up her act and be able to try and get you back. Often things are done for your own protection. I am sorry. If and when she gets better she may try and come see you.

[dani1314151617]

Thanks for nothing there are many reasons I need to see her and whatever

[shygrneyzs]

Fr. Chuck gave you an honest answer. You do not know the whole story of why you were taken from your biological mother. No one here does either. It takes a lot for the separation to be permanent and for the child to be placed into adoption. Either your biological mother agreed to terminate her rights or the courts did that, for your protection.

Now, do you know any biological family, such as a Grandparent or Aunt or Uncle? Does your adoptive family know anything? How old are you? If you were 18 you could start a search on your own - since you would be an adult. What happened to your biological father?

I do honestly feel for you in this situation. But crying all the time is not going to solve your problem and not going to get you reunited with your biological mother. For all you know she may be in jail or she may be remarried and a new life. She may be in a rehab facility and trying to clean up. She may be in a dozen places doing a dozen things. She may not be allowed to contact you. I do not know if this was an open or closed adoption. Do you know?

You need to find a way to accept your life as you have it. Understand that there were reasons beyond your ability to reason with, that forced this situation of you being adopted. For your own safety and well being.

[dani1314151617]

I do know the whole reason I got tooken away and no I am not 18 and don't tell me about crying because I do my best not to but I tend not to help it and all I want is that or to talk to crystal my older sister bio sister. It's a closed adoption

[shygrneyzs]

You never said how old you are now. Have you talked about this with your adoptive mother? A counselor at school? Are you still being followed, as in your case, by Social Services? If so, will your Mom contact that caseworker and ask, in your behalf, if you can contact your biological sister, Crystal.

How old is your sister? Do you know where she is? Was she also taken away from your biological mother?

And yes, I am telling you about crying. Crying is natural and part of grieving. But there is a time to start to heal. If you cannot accept what happened, and I do know it is tough, then ask to see a counselor or family therapist. You are obviously too young to carry all this on your own and you need some professional help in order to help you see through what you are going through.

If your adoptive mom says no, talk to a school counselor, a teacher, a school nurse, someone you trust. There are dozens of toll free mental health hot lines you can call and talk to someone.

[dani1314151617]

My adoptive mom said no because she doesn't want me to forget about her and I am 15 yrs old and councalors can't do anything if my adoptive mom says no. any other advice and how do you know its hard are you going through this same kind of thing

[Fr_Chuck]

Counselors can help you deal with the pain, at times we have to accept No as a real answer and sometimes the best answer. We are not talking about help to find your mother, but help in dealing with the fact you can't find her at least at this time.

I am sure it is hurting your adoptive mother greatly, since she took you to love and raise as her own child. I know of one young girl about a year younger than you, who did go and find her mother, well her mother was moving from man to man, using drugs and help teach the girl about 14 to do the same, by 15 she was pregnant and then learned all about the welfare system and so on.

At this point in your life you need to look toward making you the best you that you can be, and loving the people who did not have to love you but picked you out to love. And getting your education to make more out of your life that you can.

And in the end remember what we WANT is not always what we NEED>

[dani1314151617]

I am sorry but I don't think you understand me. I love my adoptive mom and I don't talk to her about my bio mom very much and she is not hurting because I do everything with her and she doesn't know how I am feeling about this. The only question that I had was how can I find my mom or older sister and yes my older sister was adopted into a different family. That's all I want to be answered and this didn't bother me when my twin sister lived with me because she got adopted into the same family as me. And then had to go to southern oaks prision and so now I need to talk to someone that is truly related to me.

[Fr_Chuck]

Until you are 18 there is no way, legally no one can even help you without your adoptive families permission.

At 18 family services will most likely tell you where your sister is, but depending on the reasons for the adoption may not give you any info on your mother.
Also they may have no idea where she is either, women move, get remarried, change last names and are hard to track after a few years

Checking with other family members, bio aunts or uncles, grandparents, and so on.

[dani1314151617]

I don't care I know there is a way even if it isn't leggle and I will figure that out somehow even if I spend until I am 18 you have no idea how much it hurts :confused:

[shygrneyzs]

WE do have more than idea how it hurts. What you are not understanding is that you not of legal age to pursue this on your own. It does not matter how money you spend now - you are not going to get anywhere. You are not an adult. The adoptive agency is going to tell you the same thing and if you do not believe anyone else, then try and contact them and get their answer. If you do not like their answer, then contact your state senator or representative and get their answer. It will be the same answer.

If you think you can misrepresent yourself, it will be found out. I am not trying to be hard but you are in between a rock and a hard place. I still think that talking to someone, a professional someone, can help you. You need to hear the truth - which is what you are hearing here but not believing.

[Synnen]

Hon--

Marijuana use isn't even CLOSE to being enough to have parental rights severed by a court. So--if you KNOW the whole story, spill it to us. If you really think the "whole story" is marijuana use, well... someone's lying to you.

How old were you when you were taken away from your bio-family?

I think you have a bit of a romanticized idea of what your bio-mom is like, hon.

You NEED to talk about this with someone close to you, someone who knows more about your whole situation.

You do NOT need to talk to your bio-family right now--that will just leave you more confused than you already are.

I placed my daughter for adoption at birth. She is your age. I miss her every single day--but I CHOSE adoption from the beginning. I didn't have my parental rights revoked by a court because I was incapable of being a good parent--which is really why parental rights get involuntarily severed. Whether it's neglect, heavy drug use involving child endangerment, abuse, pandering, whatever--basically what it comes down to is that when they TAKE YOUR KIDS AWAY from you, you're NOT a good parent.

So... tell me... why do you want to talk to someone who didn't care enough about you to be a good parent to you?

[dani1314151617]

I was tooken away at 13 and she supposivly was abusive and neglective but I never agreed with that. She always did the best she could and I really want to talk to her because I was very close to her. I could talk to her about anything and now when I am suicidal or just depressed I feel like I have no one to talk to. I don't think you understand.:confused:

[FeelSoNumbZombie]

Dani,
Even though you're a minor--- you can still search yourself. But if you find, it is suggested that you have someone to support you in first contact. Register for free on all the registries that you can find on the internet, within the state you were born in.

[dani1314151617]

I have people who are supporting me. Can u give me a little mor info on how

[FeelSoNumbZombie]

Dani,
Try:
Adoption Search Lesson Series - Making the Decision to Start an Adoption Search -

[dani1314151617]

That didn't work because it cost money and I am just checking you know that I am not 18. Is there anything wlse I could try:confused: