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HPU1182 · Feb 9, 2008, 09:00 AM

I am having a lot of problems with my g/f. I don't know who to turn to for advice considering I lost my mother 3 years ago and all I have left is my brother and father. They don't seem to be the ones to try to get to help me considering both of them are single and have never been happy in a relationship. I would really like to get things right with me and my girls again, can someone help guide me through this, if this is even the right thing to do. I would go into further detail, I just want to make sure someone will listen first. Thank you for your time and effort.

Bernie Stewart

talaniman · Feb 9, 2008, 09:53 AM

This isn't a chat line, but post your question and a lot who visit will give there take on your problem. So welcome, and what's up HPU??

wewed100606 · Feb 9, 2008, 09:56 AM

We will gladly listen to your problem and give the best advice we have to offer.

HistorianChick · Feb 9, 2008, 10:25 AM

Agree, we need some more info about this...

I've been in a similar situation, lost my fiancee', lost my Dad 4 years ago... I may have some input and/or advice...

But you've got to tell us your question for us to give you advice.

(Welcome to the best e-place on the web! :))

HPU1182 · Feb 9, 2008, 02:42 PM

My fiancé has broken up with me. She is saying it is due to what I have done in the past, not how I am now. Her exact words, "I need someone just like you, it just can't be you". I admit, I have done bad in the past, but I have fallen in love with this girl hard over the last 6 or so months. I loved her before, just not quite like this. We have dated now for 2 years. I am trying really hard to make things work, but it seems that the harder I try, the less she wants me around, or even talk to me. I call her everyday and tell her I love her, not always talking to her, more or less a voicemail. I talk with her every now and then, and she keeps claiming she is not coming back. It has now been a little over a week and I am really bothered by this. I would do anything for this girl, I truelly love her with all my heart. What do I do? Everything I am doing seems to be the wrong thing. Is she coming back? How can I get her back? I don't want to be with someone else. She is, to me, a gift. Please help, and thank you for your time.

Originally Posted by talaniman

This isn't a chat line, but post your question and a lot who visit will give there take on your problem. So welcome, and whats up HPU????

HPU1182 · Feb 9, 2008, 02:47 PM

To add to this, I lost my mother about 4 months before meeting her. She has helped me through some really rough times. This, I think is partly the really things were so rough at the beginning, but not sure if maybe I am just and sometimes. I don't know, just thought I would add this to see if it helps or adds to the situation. Thank you.

HPU1182 · Feb 9, 2008, 02:47 PM

a**hole was suppose to be in the previous, didn't know it wouldn't show (sorry)

ihatewestseneca · Feb 9, 2008, 04:37 PM

Originally Posted by HPU1182

My fiance has broken up with me. She is saying it is due to what I have done in the past, not how I am now. Her exact words, "I need someone just like you, it just can't be you". I admit, I have done bad in the past, but I have fallen in love with this girl hard over the last 6 or so months. I loved her before, just not quite like this. We have dated now for 2 years. I am trying really hard to make things work, but it seems that the harder I try, the less she wants me around, or even talk to me. I call her everyday and tell her I love her, not always talking to her, more or less a voicemail. I talk with her every now and then, and she keeps claiming she is not coming back. It has now been a little over a week and I am really bothered by this. I would do anything for this girl, I truelly love her with all my heart. What do I do? Everything I am doing seems to be the wrong thing. Is she coming back? How can I get her back? I don't want to be with someone else. She is, to me, a gift. Please help, and thank you for your time.

Well buddy, she told you that she's not coming back... I would've loved to hear that instead of what my ex told me... "im confused... blah blah blah, im still interested in you... blah blah blah". As hard as it may be right now you have to stop contacting her, and leave her alone. Things do get better, read more posts on here, NC works, I'm living proof and a lot of people on here are... you will get over this you just have to let go.

GE1223 · Feb 9, 2008, 05:05 PM

The only advice I can give is what I have found to be the only real help. Trust me I have been through some real bad sitiuations. My advice is found in the bible in proverbs 3:5,6 "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, lean not to thine own undestanding. In all thy ways acknowlege Him and he shall direct thy path.

HistorianChick · Feb 9, 2008, 05:18 PM

Well, that is significantly more info than the original post. Thanks for trying to fill in the blanks.

It is a very good thing that she helped you through the time after you lost your Mother. She was there for you, supportive of you, and your refuge when you didn't know what to do. That's all good. But, I think she may be feeling that she jumped into a relationship with you to try and "fix" you... you weren't her rebound in the normal sense of the term, but maybe you were a needy individual that she could help, that she could reform, that needed her... does that make any sense?

On the other hand, you said that you've "fallen hard for her over the past six months." How long have you been together? You said you lost your Mother three years ago, so I'm assuming that you've been together for about that same amount of time, yes? Has this been all of a sudden? Did she get "cold feet" over the past six months that you've been growing more in love with her? Did she know that you were falling harder and did it scare her?

What did she mean about needing someone like you but not you? I'm still confused with this girl, maybe its because she's confusing... not sure.

Bottom line: I'd back up. She said that she needs someone like you but not you. Take that. Back up from her and let her find out if she needs you or that "other you" that she thinks she wants. Give her the space that she is asking for and wait.

I understand that you're attached to her - the time that you've been together, the support that she's given you through something as devastating as losing a parent, the love that you've shared - I know that you shudder to think of letting her go. But, I really do think that you need to. Let her go and see if she comes back to you.

Don't let go of her, but let her go. I'm not saying give up on love, but give her the chance to discover if she loves you for you, not just because you're "like" you.

(boy that was confusing... but I think you get the point! :) )

Hope this has helped a little...

talaniman · Feb 9, 2008, 05:31 PM

She is saying it is due to what I have done in the past,

I'll bite. What could be so bad??

misty21 · Feb 9, 2008, 05:45 PM

Well Sit Her Down And Talk To Her And If She Don't Listen Then Make Her. Let Her Know How You Feel And Be Honest And If You Did Something Wrong Apologize For It.let The Lord Handle It And Pray He Won't Fail You And He Will Guide You And Show You T He Signs Sweet Heart If She Don't Understand Then You Are Going To Have To Do Something That's Hard Like Letting Go.I Know I Just Went Through It,just Weigh Your Pros And Cons And If She's Worth Keeping Then Fight For Her Mentally And Emotionally.

misty21 · Feb 9, 2008, 05:48 PM

Explain To Her That The Past Is The Past And That You Are Not Holding Her Past Against Her And That This Is The Present And The Future.and Again If She Don't Get It Then Let It Go.dont Keep Stressng Yourself Out If You Forget About Her Shell Coe Back Because Shell Figure That You Have Moved On

HPU1182 · Feb 10, 2008, 12:37 PM

I don't think that she realized that she was "fixing" me at the time, but now that she looks back on it I think you are right, she is seeing it that way. I guess the main question that I have is what do I do? Try to move on, stay around, and do I even contact her after time. If I do contact her after time, how long should I give. I almost feel like the female in this relastionship now, but I love her. When she stated that she needed someone like me, just not me, she was referring to the fact that I have tried really hard to make things work, and they were. She is dealing with the past cause she did not deal with it when it happened to keep up together at that time. How can this keep us apart now after the fact? Thank you for your advise.

HPU1182 · Feb 10, 2008, 12:39 PM

Let me add, we meet about 4 months after my mother's death. We had "on and off" for 2.5 years. Also, I have not heard from her at all for 2 days now, and I have not attempted to contact her. Is this good/normal?

HPU1182 · Feb 10, 2008, 12:41 PM

The fact that I was still looking after I found her, but keep her there.

Originally Posted by talaniman

I'll bite. What could be so bad????????????

misty21 · Feb 10, 2008, 01:54 PM

Originally Posted by HPU1182

I don't think that she relized that she was "fixing" me at the time, but now that she looks back on it I think you are right, she is seeing it that way. I guess the main question that I have is what do I do? Try to move on, stay around, and do I even contact her after time. If I do contact her after time, how long should I give. I almost feel like the female in this relastionship now, but I love her. When she stated that she needed someone like me, just not me, she was refering to the fact that I have tried really hard to make things work, and they were. She is dealing with the past cause she did not deal with it when it happend to keep up together at that time. How can this keep us apart now after the fact? Thank you for your advise.

i would give her time and contacting her would be good just to see what it is that she want to do.if she has this get over it attitude then i would say forget it,if you feel like this is worth fighting for then fight but don't waste your time and then at the end she is stilling saying its over.i know exactly how you must be feeling right now.express yourself and let her know that she is who you want and tell her that if she is holding the past against you then she's selling herself short and you don't need that.start hanging out with friends and meeting other people you don't have to sleep with them but it would help you forget about the drama and might even turn you to someone else, just see where her head is at and if nothing good comes out of it then you are going to have to move on.

HPU1182 · Feb 11, 2008, 06:37 AM

So here I am on a Monday morning. It "was" two days of no contact (sat and sun). I woke up, went to work, and was sitting there in the office taking my usual morning "safety" break before I start (cig.) and got lonely quick. The friends are at work, I am too, and for some reason I can't quit thinking about her. So, either smart or stupid, I called her once with no answer (no message either), and sent her a text just letting her know I was around if she wanted to talk. I also sent her friend an email through my space to tell her that I love and miss her. I know, I am an idiot, but what am I suppose to do? Is she hurting like this? Now keep in mind guys, we're young (25/both). I don't know the typical age on here, but if things need to be taylored I just wanted to let you guys help the best way possible. Once again, I really appreciate every one of you (even the one negative guy), and the time spent helping me. I hope one day I can help someone to pay you guys back.

HistorianChick · Feb 11, 2008, 06:40 AM

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ys-173215.html

Don't know if you have looked around on this site at some of the postings about people doing NC in situations similar to yours, but this above link will help you see that you're not alone in this.

And don't worry. Its Monday morning and there are a lot of us on AMHD... don't be lonely :)

Have a read of some of these quotes:https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/books-...fe-171287.html

Have a good day :)

ihatewestseneca · Feb 11, 2008, 06:50 AM

Originally Posted by HPU1182

So here I am on a Monday morning. It "was" two days of no contact (sat and sun). I woke up, went to work, and was sitting there in the office taking my usual morning "safety" break before I start (cig.) and got lonely quick. The friends are at work, I am too, and for some reason I can't quit thinking about her. So, either smart or stupid, I called her once with no answer (no message either), and sent her a text just letting her know I was around if she wanted to talk. I also sent her friend an email thru my space to tell her that I love and miss her. I know, I am an idiot, but what am I suppose to do? Is she hurting like this? Now keep in mind guys, we're young (25/both). I don't know the typical age on here, but if things need to be taylored I just wanted to let you guys help the best way possible. Once again, I really appreciate every one of you (even the one negative guy), and the time spent helping me. I hope one day I can help someone to pay you guys back.

I know its hard, but buddy, every time you're contacting her, its just putting a wedge between you two. She knows where you are, she knows your number, she knows how to get in contact in case she wants to talk, and she knows how you feel about her. I know it sucks, I wish they could just make up their mind, or you could convince them otherwise. But you're just going to have to start moving on, this way, if she calls and wants to get back together, great, if not, then you're able to move on and by then you won't care whether she called. And I know you're probably asking the million dollar question... "How could they..." in whatever form you like, "how could they just fall out of love?" That's my biggest one. Serious man, every time I contacted her, it just got worse, it made me feel like an idiot, and it didn't get any results... you just have to forget about them, they have to figure it out, and sadly, most won't... They were dumb enough to walk away, be smart enough to let them.

Good luck man, a lot of us are going through the same thing, so yeah, think of AMHD when you're feeling lonely.