[nymphetamine]

Okay there's this 15 year old girl that has been instant messaging me because we both have the same taste in music but I never catch her in time to actually speak with her. I don't think she realizes that Im 29 years old knowing that some people don't bother to look at profiles. I wonder if I should talk to her at all or would her parents freak out? Well, I don't have much experience with teens seeing that my children are both small children and yes I know I was a teen once but I was also a loner. SO I know that well talk about bands that we like and music probably but I don't know how to go about talking to this in between child and adult person. I know I have to watch out what I say because I don't want her to learn anything bad from me but am I missing anything?

[Fr_Chuck]

Why not merely send her an email or instant message and tell her your age, then it is told and there is no misunderstanding.

And yes some parents can go crazy about older people talking to their teens, but then they should be watching the kids better also.

[CaptainForest]

I don't see why her folks would freak out.

It's one thing if you were an older man. They might be afraid of some kind of child molestation. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with it. And besides, how will her folks find out?

[wizzkid89]

As a teenager, she probably did mistake you for someone around her own age, but that doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't want to stop talking to you, but the best thing you could do is try and not be another adult ordering her around. She most likely has too many of those as it is. You should try and talk to her like a mentor, you post enough on here and your advice is good so you should be able to have an impact on her, who knows maybe you can really help her. Just remember she's looking for a friend not an authority figure.

[PrettyLady]

Crankie, I don't think her parents would mind if you chat with her online. If you were a 29 years old man, then they have every right to panic. But you're a woman with 2 daughters of your own, so there is no reason for the parents to freak out. Girls instant message me all the time for beauty and fashion advice, and sometimes their mothers would also IM me for advice. You should continue to chat with her, perhaps, you can give her some advice and guidance from your personal experience.

[DJ 'H']

Her parents are not going to be mad about her chatting to someone online. I have a 17yr old niece and I talk to her as I would my friends. She likes me talking to her as if she was an adult. I talk to her about music, clothes, boys make-up and her apprentiship as a Hairdresser.

When she was 15yrs old, I used to talk to her about, clothes, make-up, boys, school, her friends. I even listen to her poor her heart out about being bullied and gave her advice on how best to deal with it.

Just be yourself!! That's all teens want :)

[nymphetamine]

She I'm me again lastnight and she asked me how old I was so I told her. She didn't seem to mind. I was kind of busy so we talked a little. She sent me a picture. She looks a little like me. Same hair same style. It's a mini me.

[DJ 'H']

That's so sweet. You can be her mentor :)

[bizygurl]

Crankie, this exact thing happened to me. This thirteen year old started i.ming me too a few months ago. I told her that I was 27 but she didn't mind. I on the other hand did. First I had absolutely nothing to talk about and like you I wasn't sure about her parents feelings about it either. My husband thought that I should play it safe and not talk to her, so I just ignored her messages when she would I'm me. I felt bad, but I was a little uncomfortable, I was more concern for her, like where are these kid's parents? For all she knew I could have been a 27 year old guy. That creeps me out at how vulnerable children are on the internet.:(

[wizzkid89]

It is scary thinking that she could be tricking you, but as in life you have to have a little faith that she is telling the truth, however don't blow her off and ignore her. Teens are like a house of cards, if one falls the rest come down, it might be uncomfortable, however I think most of you guys are taking this the wrong way, you should be honored that she would look up to you like this and that she would ask you for help in her life. Like DJ said you should talk to her like an adult, I really really would advise against you just blowing her off, now I know you never said you would but it was brought up and I completely disagree(no offense), just treat her like a friend, everyone could use a friend right?

[bizygurl]

WIZKID89, I never said to blow her off. I was talking about my own expirence and that I decided to not chat for my own personal reason's. Maybe I should have handeled the situation a little better instead of not responding to her messages but I really didn't want to hurt her feelings, I thought that would be worst, besides we only chatted ounce and we both didn't have much to say. By all means if someone is comfortable talking with a young teen, that's fine. But for MY personal reasons I didn't feel comfortable with it.

Crankiebabie brought up the fact that the parents may freak out, and was concerned about this, most of the people on this posts feel that they shouldn't I'm just saying that they might and have every right too. Obviously Crankie is a good person, but there are many out there who aren't and will lie to take advantage of a young person. As a parent I wouldn't want my thirteen or fifteen year old talking to a twenty seven year old, because number one they could be lying about their gender or number two, male or female they could be talking about inappropriate things. Some adults have poor judgement when talking to a younger person. If I could prove that this twent-something was talking to my child about innocent stuff like hair and make-up advice than that would be fine. But parents can't be around all the time and monitor their child's every move.
In my case, I didn't want to get a message fron this girls parents telling me to not talk to her again or question me as to why Im talking to there child. That would have made me uncomfortable. You never know how parents will react. With the amount of predators online children are easily persuaded and are easily conned(spelling) into doing things especially when a trust has been gained.
I hope that clears up what I was trying to say, Im sorry If I wasn't as clear before: I just wanted people to know that it isn't uncommon for parents to be upset about that. And I wanted Crankie to be aware that it could happen.

[bizygurl]

When I commented on CAPTAINFORESTS lasts post I meant to say : The person could be lying about their gender not their age.

[nymphetamine]

You know something. Her profile says she's fifteen but she's sent me two pictures and she doesn't look much like fifteen. She looks closer to my age and she told me she was a lesbian and asks me if she will have a chance with a woman and she seems persistent on a picture of me. Hmmm. I don't have anything against her being a lesbian but I wonder if she just looks older for her age or if she's storying me.

[bizygurl]

That's what I mean, in all aspects of people on the internet you never know who you are dealing with in general. It could be this girl looks older than she is but you never know.:confused:

[wizzkid89]

First it's wizzkid89, anyway like I said before you need to have a little faith in who you are talking to, for instance everyone comes on here and gives advice and shares their personal feelings and shows FAITH that everyone will be honest on here, not only about who they are but what they are talking about, but when someone im's you there is no faith to be found? I think it's highly hypocritical to give advice to a forum and thusly a large group of people but when it comes to one person reaching out to you then you think it isn't right? All I am saying is that talking to someone on instant messanger's is very similar to talking on the these forums, so why would it be different to give advice to one person on a forum than giving advice through im's?

[nwsflash]

I think we have to have faith, yes I would agree on that part! But there is a diffrence with talking to people in an open forum for all to see and take part in, than there is talking over IM's which is personal... The age part does play its part, it would be nice if we lived in a world where there where not sick people that would take advantage of im's and so on but lets face facts we don't!! I think, and this is just my view -- that people should post open in forum -- im's on the site are not intended in my view as another form of asking questions, but please that is just my view.

I have no problem with giving advice or speaking open in forums to people of all age's, colours and so on, so please don't get me wrong on this matter, Crankie I agree with what you have been posting plus most other view on this thread.

[bizygurl]

Maybe if you had taken the time to read my post it would have explained why I did what I did. But you didn't seem to bother to read it, and now I guess I have to tell the whole story since now Im being labeled as "hypocritical". I went to a message board/chat room and after a few minutes decided not to stay because there wasn't anything going on that I wanted to to talk about, when I returned to my browser page Someone IM me, I responded to it and the girl told me she was thirteen, we talked a little but there wasn't much to talk about( and just for the record she wasn't talking to me because she wanted advice) if she did have a question for me that she needed advice on I would have been more than happy to help her.

I find it very insulting that you would say that I would come on a site like this and give advice to a large group of people but if one person needed it I would turn them away. Where did I ever say that? Besides aren't we all giving advice to individual people on this forum?

We talked about school, and the weather but there really wasn't much to talk about. We ended it as see you later have fun be good. And she I'm me ounce two weeks after that and never heard from her again

My intention for posting was directed at crankie because she wasn't sure what to say, as I felt also, and if the parents would freak out, which they very well could. Im a mom and I was speaking from a parents point of view on why a parent not be happy with there thirteen year old child talking to a twenty something.

I don't have anything againts anyone at any age and regardless of age,race or creed If anyone evr needs any advice I am always open to give it. And I do resent the fact that someone would take something so personally and call me hypocritical when that wasn't even the case.

I didn't mean to in sult you, that wasn't my intention. Sorry I forgot the extra "Z" in WIZZKID.

[nwsflash]

bizygurl you hit the nail on the head and added what I was going to put in my post! You're a mother and I'm a father, I always look at things in this way "how would I feel if it was my child" I think that's all we can do, and follow what our gut reaction tells us. And Crankie I guess that's all you can do, but I'm a little worried by the things that you said this girl has im'd you!

I think all we can do is set clear boundaries.

[wizzkid89]

Sorry, I didn't read you entire post that is my fault, I was in a rush to catch a meeting and I skimmed and that was my error, I did not mean to anger anyone here even though it seems I did, I was just expressing my opionion as were you, So all I can say is I screwed up on not thoroughly reading your post, life was waiting and I had to answer. Thus, I am sorry and apoligize, I shouldn't try and rush, lesson learned.

[lilfyre]

You have all the experience in the world because you once where a teenager, just think back and remember how it was for you. You can relate. My daughter friend are always asking me stuff, I answer it, if I make their parents mad O well, they should have talked to them, they could be getting worse information from their peers.