[dansk]

OK

Have anyone of you started going out with someone
And they seemed nice at first (nothing special) you
Know.. but simply dating.. He or she is crazy after
You.. wanting to spend more and more time with
You.. buying you gifts.. showing you what a great
Person they are for you.. just convincing you to
Fall in love... THEN IT HAPPENS... You fall for them
(well off course you do.. because they seemed so
Perfect who wouldn't want that right?)


Then the
UNTHINKABLE HAPPENS AGAIN... couple months
Down or couple years down the road he or she
CHANGES! They become distant.. doesn't want to
Call you AS much.. doesn't even take you out like
They use to.. Doesn't do the simplest thing...
Or Hug you, say I l o v e you or I
Miss you. Then you start wondering why is it
You're the one chasing after him or her when they
Were the one after you in the first place and now
That you FELL for them THEY are feeling like the
ALMIGHTY and you feel like your confidence is
Suddenly GONE.

Then you start asking them to
Call you more often or text and what they do they
COMPLAIN YOU ARE BEING CLINGY OR ATTACHED
But you think.. "no I'm just asking for what I don't get
Don't I have the right to ask for something that makes
me happy in this relationship?" THEN COMES ARGUMENTS!
THEN THE REL ENDS AND YOUR LEFT WITH THE FEELING
THAT ALL THE CONFIDENCE YOU'VE ONCE HAD IS GONE
AND YOUR WORTHLESS AND HE OR SHE HAS TAKEN IT
ALL?


Ok so... We've all had breakups.. BUT has this ever happened
To you or close to? Would love to hear from you all.. feel free
To spill as much beans as you want. I'm listening!

;]

[Ladyviper]

No, I haven't, but I am not clingy nor do I surround myself with people that cling to me. I am sorry for you if it has happened to you, as that is never a good thing to go through. It is your right to be happy and ask for the things that make you happy, but it is everyone else's right not to have to give you those things if they choose not to.

You never let someone slink out of a relationship with your confidence or self-esteem, they did not give it to you, therefore it is not theirs to take.

[life1973happened]

I think anybody that has ever loved another has felt this kind of pain. This is what life and love are all about. You risk it all when you start a new relationship. You take your guard down and you allow yourself to open up and appreciate all the relationship can give you. You are fearless and go into 'battle' with no protection. Good for you, you risked it all for the chance at love.

That comes at a high price and you feel that now. I ask you though, would you have changed anything? It sounds like you gave it everything and held back nothing. Most people do not do that, nor do they benefit the way you did during the process. The ending sucks and I understand that, as it is a feeling I am all to familiar with.

Be careful though, as we tend to do things we regret when we feel lost, hurt and betrayed. Resentment will build and instead of being able to let go knowing you gave it everything, you hold on to the hurt and anger trying to figure out how and why. I think human nature is to do things we regret when we feel so confused about why and we need the answers.

There are great posts about relationships ending on here that many people, that are experts, can help you with. These people have experienced directly and indirectly the pain you feel now, and word it in a way that helps to sooth your pain.

I understand this pain, emptiness and even anger for taking this giant leap of faith, with no safety net. The landing hurts, it hurts a lot! However, know in your heart that you are not alone, none of us are.

[TrueFaith]

Hey dude ;) I'm sure it happens to all of us in some form or another ;)

I must admit I have had a lot of clingy girlfriends but it was cool you know I thought yeah awesome why not

Then as you say you fall for them then they pick up and leave ;) normaly with someone else
I still stay the same but they seem to change.

It makes me laugh how it happens :) you are right in many facts people fall out of love all the time

And its normaly the ones that start in the first place.

Your not alone bud ;)

People that say they have never been like this are just to shy to admit it. We have all been there at least once ;) as I said in one form or another

Congrats man for speaking your mind on here! Takes guts and very true words

Respect

[hollylovesbrandon]

Well, my best friend, we'll call her Stacy, she's been my best friend for 15 years and she married the man that she had her first kiss with, first held hands with, first had sex with. We had both known this man since he was 2 years old. Spent countless times hanging out and just being friends throughout grade school, junior high, and high school. Well, she marries him. And almost instantly he changes. He starts to scream a lot and beat her. He also beat her nephew and her cousins. He cheated on her with 3 other women. He became homosexual and cheated on her with another man. Ended up murdering that man because he threatened to tell people about their affair. He then, after they had separated, broke into their home and raped her. She got pregnant (incidently, the 3 other women were pregnant at the same time... one of them is my sister). He got off on the murder charges and now, because they have a child, she has to deal with this man, this murderer, this adulterer, this horrible human being for the sake of her child. Although they are divorced and will NEVER be together again, she still has to converse with him and meet with him for her child's sake. People do change, he is living proof.

[pasiria]

Many times people don't change. They were cold hearted all the time. The problem is when others do not watch out for red flags. If somebody gives me lots of attention and is way too perfect when they have just met you, that tells me it's too good to be true. It takes time for a relationship to grow. I'm happily engaged, but in my previous relationships, (many) I've learned that once they become verbally abusive or too obsessed it's time to say good bye. I had about 3 stalkers and it gets scarry. Certainly, if someone doesn't give you the love and attention you deserve, you need to move on and find someone who appreciates what you have to offer. There are so many people out there, some which I know, that would go out of their way to receive a hug. It helps you recognize the seriousness of his unkind words or actions. Remember, you are a human that deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. Sooner or later we all find ourselves on the giving or receiving end. But, it is not fair to always give and give...

[ISneezeFunny]

At first, my ex was VERY into me. She freely admitted it too. I liked her, but I was still relatively independent... needed my own space and time... and it was casual dating for me. For her, it was a relationship. After about a year, I started to get very attached to her... and we were equally attached to one another for 2 more years...

... then all of a sudden, poof. She says she "needs space." then... 3 days later, new guy.. . then she did a complete 180. She started to party a lot (she never partied when I was with her) and things just... changed. A lot.

... it's strange. It truly is strange...

[simoneaugie]

Then there's that faulty, but persistently persuasive idea. When two people's relationship changes, one or both of them has been bad. Love lets go. Need, fear, control and pride hang on.

[justcurious55]

Well it was something along those lines. My (ex)friend used to be so sweet. Would call and email just to say hi, always wanted to hang out, occasional gifts. Then he started telling me he wanted to be more than just friends and I kept saying no. then almost as soon as I finally fall for him and decide I want to be more than friends too he decides he wants someone else instead. And decides to be a jerk about it to and even end the friendship. So it was double awful because I lost my boyfriend and my best guy friend all at once. Don't think I'll be dating anymore friends...

[HistorianChick]

Simply from a writer's standpoint, I was tickled while reading your answer... I could feel the emotions in what you were saying... started small, then by the end the Caps just really emphasized your emotions! Good style. I liked it.

Ok, on to the question.

My friend, you've been a victim of the ever-present relationship roller coaster and it sounds like you've gotten off with an upset stomach and a desire to NEVER ride one again! Don't do that. You deserve a good/honest/wholesome relationship just like the people in the coaster car in front of you.

Yes, some relationships are like that. You are the perused, you fall in love, you notice they are pulling back, you try to overcompensate, you are left hurt. It's a vicious cycle. But, yes. We have all experienced that hurt.

Not knowing the whole story, I'm not sure if what you have described as doing would qualify as being "clingy." It sounds like you were truly surprised at the pulling away and wanted to keep the relationship going. Sad thing is, when a relationship ends with one of the participants, its is almost impossible to rekindle the spark.

Basically, you need to be in a relationship in which the other person is as IN it as you. Darlin, you deserve that type of relationship. They are out there. Keep looking.

Get back on the coaster... it's a wild ride! :)

[talaniman]

I think I've been on both sides of this coin, so I can only say, that as we get to know others, we find out things we love, and not love so much, and we change, and adjust, as time and emotions, dictate to us. Sometimes we are so in love, we can't se what a beeyatch they really are, or that their feelings have changed. By the same token, my feelings have changed a few times, and the love and enthusiasm, wears thin, and you know its time to go. So I think its all about how you cope with those feelings, and deal with others. For me the truth works best, but being nice, is the way to go. I expected that of others towards me also, so don't appreciate any games, or tricks, along the way. I do know how paralyzing, and hurt, you can be from being rejected, or replaced, but I also know that its temporary, until we can have the time to heal, and move on. Just as you know the sun rises the next day, you are assured to heal and grow. Just my opinion though, and I hope this helps.

[idunnodude101]

Yup it has. Sucks.

[TrueFaith]

Best thing is to never Lose yourself in a relationship

A partner is a part of your life not your life.

[ihatewestseneca]

At first, my ex was VERY into me. She freely admitted it too. I liked her, but I was still relatively independent...needed my own space and time...and it was casual dating for me. For her, it was a relationship. After about a year, I started to get very attached to her...and we were equally attached to one another for 2 more years...

...then all of a sudden, poof. She says she "needs space." then...3 days later, new guy. ...then she did a complete 180. she started to party a lot (she never partied when I was with her) and things just...changed. a lot.

...it's strange. it truly is strange...

Its crazy how similar our stories are Sneeze

[duck22]

At first, my ex was VERY into me. She freely admitted it too. I liked her, but I was still relatively independent...needed my own space and time...and it was casual dating for me. For her, it was a relationship. After about a year, I started to get very attached to her...and we were equally attached to one another for 2 more years...

...then all of a sudden, poof. She says she "needs space." then...3 days later, new guy. ...then she did a complete 180. she started to party a lot (she never partied when I was with her) and things just...changed. a lot.

...it's strange. it truly is strange...

I have the same story as you man. For me we were together for four years, everything was great until this past month. She began to not act like herself, then out of the blue broke up with me because she said she "needs space." I just recently found out that it was because she started seeing another guy the day she left me. It's the worst feeling.

[TrueFaith]

The space thing normaly means give me space so I can be with this other Person ;) rarely its to go away and sort out there feelings.

That's why if girls say they want there space with me. I go we brake up


And she wanst seeing a guy the day she left you. She was already into him while you guys were going out hens the not acting like herself these things don't just happen there always planned :)

It does hurt when this happens

[mafiaangel180]

What I think is happening is... the person, though they might like/love you, basically isn't themselves in the beginning and they lay it on real thick. They are giving you what they think you want... all the overly mushy stuff. When all you really want is sincerity. But they can't keep the charade up for long because it's just not who they are. The thing is... get to know a person months and months before you give them your heart. This way, you can determine whether they are genuine or it's a façade.

[ihatewestseneca]

What I think is happening is....the person, though they might like/love you, basically isn't themselves in the beginning and they lay it on real thick. They are giving you what they think you want...all the overly mushy stuff. When all you really want is sincerity. But they can't keep the charade up for long because it's just not who they are. The thing is....get to know a person months and months before you give them your heart. This way, you can determine whether they are genuine or it's a facade.

See, I did that... I courted my ex for 5 months before I asked her to be exclusive, even though, I knew she wasn't seeing anyone else during that courtship. Then when we were b/f and g/f I fell for her hard, gave it everything I had for 2 years. Stupid college. Oh well, right now I feel like its just a shame that its come to this, very disappointing.

[mafiaangel180]

See, i did that... I courted my ex for 5 months before i asked her to be exclusive, even though, i knew she wasnt seeing anyone else during that courtship. Then when we were b/f and g/f i fell for her hard, gave it everything i had for 2 years. stupid college. oh well, right now i feel like its just a shame that its come to this, very disappointing.

It sounds like you did everything nice and slow. I think that's pretty cool. That's how I want it to be the next time around. I'm sorry to hear it didn't work out for you. But as long as you were the best person you could be while being true to yourself, then that's all a person can do, you know?

[ISneezeFunny]

Well, the thing is... I was good friends for a year before we started dating. We dated for 3 years... and all through this time, she was very against drinking and being the typical stupid college student.

... we break up, and she's apparently been drinking heavily every few days and just doing things completely out of her character. Weird.