[Beenkie]

Tears rolled out of the eyes you once saw, but what is so vague, you always seem to overlook. Slowly, she roughly wiped her eyes only, because she knew she should go on. Leaving behind everything, she had continuously accomplished, over and over. As she started staring at those sturdy steps in front of her, she hesitated carving them, once more. Reluctantly, she strode into one of the previous schools, again. After moving continuously through the years, she grew reluctant of changing schools. Behind her, when she saw familiar faces from about two years ago, she cracked an elegant smile.
When she hesitantly refused, the pressure was forced by the only meaning she was there, education. Her mother, LaDonna, hadn’t graduated with an outstanding grade point average, because she had gotten pregnant, naming her after her father, Michael, at fourteen years old. LaDonna shortened her name to “Shell” even though her real name, she always despised, was Michelle. With depression under guard, she disliked her father, but she tried to block the memories of absences of her protective father. Michelle had promised herself to graduate and become a talented writer. Every day, she continued to dwell on her past, because it always haunted her that those memories were far too distant.
As she slowly walked into another classroom, sitting in the back room, there was something she couldn’t help but to smile over. Crushed, she flirtatiously smiled, blinking her eyes. Time passed, and Mrs. Rogers noticed the continuous stares, repeatedly between him and her. Mrs. Rogers’s suggestion of introducing themselves was thought of as being wasteful but pleasant if you craved to be warmed with emotion and acknowledgement. The guy’s eyes were so distant, but so deep like a lot of secrets hid behind him, like he didn’t want no one to see the real him. She instantly knew he was special. A feeling dawned on her causing the only elegant happiness arousing in an adorable smile. As he spoke, she almost started to become teary-eyed. “…name’s Jared…What’s up?” At least, that’s what Michelle had assumed he was saying, but she was so light-headed to remember by a feeling that he was special to her. For her, it was an instant at first sight, no words.

…Three Years Later…

These days, Michelle slowly walks down the Middle School hallways to catch the same irresistible glints. Jared’s life continued, and they’ve had a couple of ties since then. Obliviously, Jared’s scarred her with his distant lies and sometimes, pleasant surprises. What people do not understand is what they had in common and what they went through to be together and together, themselves for each other. Catching the same crude looks, the absurd feeling that people didn’t understand her crowded her. Their past had gone to an almost end, but what kept it up was that they hadn’t stopped being friends. “What I don’t understand is why you never stopped being my friend.” Jared would state. “You should’ve stopped.”
Her heart raced as she already knew the “Real Answer”, but she always seemed to hide it behind her eyes. She never really explained to him, because of the haunted memory of him not understanding. She hesitantly had to think they wouldn’t be together, right now. She didn’t want to pressure him like she was forced to forgive her father in much of difficulty explanations. “You’re my friend and that’s what friends are supposed to do.”
“There’s another reason.” He would state. His voice would echo in her head with pressure building up onto her like a fire.
I can’t tell him… she thought. Sometimes, I just wish he’d hold me…she craved as he walks by or when he reconciles to her. What’s wrong with me?? She thinks… There’s something about you…it’s still here…Come hold me, Jay! She then shakes her head. Almost sobbing, she starts to get anguished. Mixed messages are sent causing a sob, in class. Wiping away, she can’t look someone in the eyes, meaningfully, anymore. She can’t even trust anyone in love, anymore… You had said “you’d be there”!
When no one cared, no matter what I said, no matter what I did, you were there… that line repeats in her head, every day causing her day dreaming in reminiscence. He had stated that line repeatedly, and she just loved him to sacrifice her happiness for his friendship. Pushing him against the wall for almost a fight he was about to commit, knowing he hated it.
Michelle started to cry, because as intelligent Jared is he didn’t know the real reason. Slowly, she cries herself to sleep indulging herself to lie realizing she now loved him to no boundary. Jared brings happiness and sad tears, and before Jared had said all he wanted was someone to love him…she felt that he already had that beside his family. She loved him; it was intuition that indulged her besides looking in his eyes. He had claimed she hadn’t looked deep enough to see. What she really did see caused her to realize it takes time for something precious to arouse to anything and withstand pressure and all the challenges. It remains a mystery to know what she really saw the times she looked into his eyes, and for him, well; he claims he looked her in the eyes, too. When he hugs her, touches her, talks to her, looks at her, what she really wants to say is “I love you, Jay”.

[selana]

Dear Beenkie,
I notice this is an old post, but I'm new here so I'll answer it anyway.

Your story is not bad for a 13 year old. You have come up with some interesting ideas and you have tried to convey some complex emotions. But, you know, to become good writers we all have to edit, edit, edit.

Do you know the difference between active and passive voice? Active voice relies heavily on the verb - the action word. A good short story has to be easy to read and is usually (particularly for beginning writers) written in an active voice.

If you want some help with editing this story, let me know on the enquiries page at www.1st-class-english.com. Remind me who you are so I know you're not a client and I'll give you a hand. If you have a good quality, interesting and polished short story, I'll showcase it on my website.

Sue