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mta · Jul 15, 2008, 06:04 AM

I tried asking this already but I guess it didn't post. But I must know, what are some signs that a man could be gay? What are some signs that he has already had a sexual encounter? Please be as detailed as you can this is very important. Thank you.

Synnen · Jul 15, 2008, 06:09 AM

Well, the easiest sign to spot is him standing up and shouting "I'm gay!" to the world. However, that isn't likely to happen if he is hiding it.

Why not just ask him?

smoothy · Jul 15, 2008, 06:39 AM

If you catch him playing "Hide the sausage" or playing the "skin flute" with his buddies that's a clue. Or as was mentioned you can ask. Many will just come out and tell you if asked, unless he is in the closet then he will obviously deny it.

mta · Jul 15, 2008, 07:45 AM

Originally Posted by mta

I tried asking this already but I guess it didnt post. But I must know, what are some signs that a man could be gay? What are some signs that he has already had a sexual encounter? please be as detailed as you can this is very important. thank you.

Well yeah if I caught him I wouldn't be confused anymore... HOWEVER... I have mentioned it to him and he gets enraged at the question. And instead of saying no he says "im not going to justify that with an answer"... so yes I asked him and that didn't work out. Any other suggestions, come on I know there has to be some other indications or does anyone know of a secret question that would determine if they were gay or not? I don't know but I need to know!!

N0help4u · Jul 15, 2008, 07:50 AM

What things make you suspect he might be?

Usually when somebody overly reacts negatively to a question they are hiding something but not always.

excon · Jul 15, 2008, 07:52 AM

Hello mta:

I'm not supposed to tell you this or I could lose my membership in Gensa. Gay men have a secret hand sign. If you give him three fingers pointing down on your left hand, he MUST (as required by the gay code), reply by unzipping his trousers.

If you sign him, and he doesn't respond, he's straight as an arrow.

Or, once gay men have homosexual sex, their member, that used to bend to the right, now bends to the left.

excon

Synnen · Jul 15, 2008, 07:54 AM

WHY you suspect it might help us here.

There ARE no definitive signs, other than admission or catching him in the act, that would say "yes, he's gay, don't go there".

NeedKarma · Jul 15, 2008, 07:58 AM

Her posting history might offer a clue: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...searchuser=mta

N0help4u · Jul 15, 2008, 08:11 AM

Most of her posts show worry about the relationship and him cheating
Still wonder what she is basing her idea he might be with a guy as opposed to cheating with a girl?

excon · Jul 15, 2008, 08:16 AM

Hello again, mta:

Let's see, he's gay, he's nuts, he ISN'T having sex with you, he won't confess, he IS having sex with somebody, he's religious, he's a drug addict, he doesn't love you, and he should never be alone with his kids.

Does that about sum it up? Looks hopeless to me. I think you should leave.

excon

smoothy · Jul 15, 2008, 08:18 AM

OK after browsing through the link NeedKarma posted I see a lot of accusations but little hard proof of them.

Based on the limited information we have (which is all on one sided and likely biased) I suspect the man might feel henpecked, and would lash out with an answer like he did. Even minor accusations repeatedly made will make a guy hypersensitive and deflate his libido towards that woman.

Now I can say this as I had previously had relationships with women that were insainely jealous and actually had convinced themselves things were going on that weren't. They are long since history as a result. And yes as a guy there is nothing that infuriates me than being accused of doing something I wasn't doing. I might get bent over being accused of something I actually was doing but not like false accusations.

People are people as while there remains a small possibility he might have actually done something based on his reactions it makes me believe he hasn't. Now I'm not saying you can't drive a faithful guy into the arms of another woman by doing this, because there is little that will do it faster than this. And because he might eventually do so doesn't mean he always did.

bushg · Jul 15, 2008, 08:43 AM

Some of You guys are being a little rough on her... through out all of her postings she never suspected he was gay until her July 13 post... a member gave her that suggestion and she is just following up on it.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...ex-237034.html

Mta From all that you said I don't really think that gay is the issue... I think he is a little woman abuser , sex is just another means of controlling and abusing you.

If I were you instead of trying to figure him out I would be involved in some counseling trying to figure out why I continue to put up with his different types of abuse.

You being bitter, angry, distrustful insecure is not going to help your situation. I would go for the counseling.

N0help4u · Jul 15, 2008, 08:45 AM

Oh I missed that didn't read the replies

She still hasn't really stated enough of what he DOES that make her feel red flags of he is up to whatever.

smoothy · Jul 15, 2008, 09:18 AM

Originally Posted by bushg

Some of You guys are being a little rough on her...through out all of her postings she never suspected he was gay until her July 13 post....a member gave her that suggestion and she is just following up on it.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...ex-237034.html

Mta From all that you said I don't really think that gay is the issue....I think he is a little woman abuser , sex is just another means of controlling and abusing you.

If I were you instead of trying to figure him out I would be involved in some counseling trying to figure out why I continue to put up with his different types of abuse.

You being bitter, angry, distrustful insecure is not going to help your situation. I would go for the counseling.

I read through ALL her posts before my last answer... I still stand by them. And that is from a guys perspective. I've actually been on the receiving end of a woman's delusional wrath before. Not saying she (the OP) is delusional, the woman I was involved with was, but I see a trend in all these posts that blame him for everything with no personal introspection on her part.

Most times there is an action / reaction thing going on vs one party being completely and solely responsible for everything that happens.

bushg · Jul 15, 2008, 09:42 AM

smoothy... first of all, I did not point you out as being rough on her or that your take was wrong. I only provided why I thought she even brought the gay issue up, that is was brought up to herby a member. She has been posting since jan... and 6 months later 1 time she brings up the gay issue, She has said in the past that he verbally abuses her... yes men and women will use sex as forms of control.

On a lot of her post she seems to be wildly grasping at straws to figure out the problem.

If you noticed in my post I told her to get counseling and concentrate on her behavior...

*edit* I just don't think she was accusing him of being gay so much as just considering it as a possible reason as to why he is not into her.

smoothy · Jul 15, 2008, 10:02 AM

Originally Posted by bushg

smoothy...first of all, I did not point you out as being rough on her or that your take was wrong. I only provided why I thought she even brought the gay issue up, that is was brought up to herby a member. She has been posting since jan...and 6 months later 1 time she brings up the gay issue, She has said in the past that he verbally abuses her...yes men and women will use sex as forms of control.

On a lot of her post she seems to be wildly grasping at straws to figure out the problem.

If you noticed in my post I told her to get counseling and concentrate on her behavior...

*edit* I just dont' think she was accusing him of being gay so much as just considering it as a possible reason as to why he is not into her.

I think counseling is a good idea... If I'm right it might get resolved before the marriage is ruined since kids are involved if I remember correctly.

In this case I don't think he is using sex to control her. Most guys are seriously put off by women that do this. It may be as simple as that.

He may stick around out of loyalty, love or just the kids even with this happening. A woman complaining (actually the "B" word) is the most quick way to wilt a guys willy.

Choux · Jul 15, 2008, 02:20 PM

Dear mta,

He is full of rage toward you per your additional comment. That is a *very big* problem effecting your relationship.

Why is he raging toward you? Do you know? Something has happened between you. Are you playing silly games with him?

What is it?

Choux · Jul 15, 2008, 03:44 PM

I have read three of your posts now, and I think you have to lay off all the blaming attitude toward him... he is full of rage against you, and I think your blaming and complaining attitude is a problem for him.

Take the pressure off him and your relationship by working on your faults until Christmas. In the new year, you can assess the entire situation.

Best wishes, :)

N0help4u · Jul 15, 2008, 04:11 PM

OH yeah this is the same one that was pointed out that they are grasping for straws.
As I said you haven't stated anything he is actually doing that concerns you so it could just be paranoia on your part.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...fe-237637.html

Alty · Jul 15, 2008, 10:23 PM

Originally Posted by Choux

Dear mta,

He is full of rage toward you per your additional comment. That is a *very big* problem effecting your relationship.

Why is he raging toward you? Do you know? Something has happened between you. Are you playing silly games with him?

What is it?

Choux, which additional comment, the one where she questioned him about his sexual orientation? If so, that problem was planted in her head because of this post;

As I understand it, he never had sex before he married you. (Was it for religious reasons?) Anyway,

Just my take on it, my reaction if I were in your situation. If he is not a porn addict, I would think that he is a homosexual. I would never think that it had anything to do with me... if he were heterosexual and a decent person, he would be discussion sex with you.

He is running away from you and sex.

Possible?
__________________
__________________
Choux, Sui Generis

OP, I think you are worrying yourself to death over this. Time for counselling, and if he refuses then you have to start thinking whether this relationship is healthy and whether you should stay. You obviously have trust issues, and that is a road to disaster, without trust and communication a relationship cannot survive.

Is he gay? I don't know, you know him and you don't know, so how would I or any of us? Just because one person suggests he might be gay doesn't mean he is. It could be that he's just not interested in sex right now, or he's stressed, or he's not happy in the marriage either. It could be so many things, that's what counselling will help you both find out.

Good luck.