[boulotdodo]

I've known "Jake" for about three years now. It wasn't until last year that we started to get closer as we both worked together, and still do to this day. We're closer than we've ever been now, and even though we've come across many difficult times, this seems to be the most difficult.

I've always been attracted to "Jake". He's always smiling and his eyes light up the room when he walks in. However, he has a flirtateous nature in the sense that woman seem to be is weakness. He's also a very deep, concerned and emotional person, which is highly irregular for guys his age (22), but is also what makes him very attractive.

Since we're great friends, I know quite a bit about his past. On a couple of occasions, he has gotten caught up in the mood and, through some sort of infactuation, has previously cheated and/or fooled around with other women when he had a grilfriend. He has, however, always regretted his past mistakes.

Since our time together, certain girls have come into his life. On those occassions, I couldn't help but be jealous. It would bother me when we were living together if he would go out all night with a girl. I would wonder about what they were doing and if he ever realized how much it hurt me. I know he had an idea of my jealousy; I show my emotions openly even if I'm usually shy.

Before some of these girls, he was in a long term relationship with a girl he cared for very much; I would say loved. During a summer, the two had been apart due to working locations, and, even though he says it was due to the fact that they were too far away, they both ended up cheating on each other.

After that, Jake felt broken, like there was something missing. He dated other girls but they never seemed to fix things, and even in my jealous state, I accepted it. Although, dealing with it was difficult sometimes, especially when I would walk in on things...

At a time where I felt it was right, I let him know my true feelings for him; more than friends, I had stronger feelings for him. When I asked him how he felt, he said that he didn't feel anything like that. It hurt me alot; I wasn't sure why he didn't. He would make obvious advances towards me, then say something like that. I let it go.

Then, he ended up meeting a much younger girl. She was 17, and now she's 18. He said that she "filled in" that void he was missing and it made him feel good about himself again. The two dated for a bit, but then she said that she wasn't sure if that was what she wanted. He was slightly hurt, but he would still spend hours talking with her, hoping for more.

I didn't take the news of the two of them well. It wasn't only a feeling of jealousy, but this girl caused a lot of tension in the relationship between Jake and I. She is a rather jealous person herself, and although she's very quiet and well-liked, her behavior in front of him and her behavior when he isn't there is like two opposite ends of the spectrum. I hide my feelings, and for the better of my job (which involves dealing with her on a regular basis) and for my relationship with Jake, I smile at her and wave. When he's around, she is upbeat, bubbly and smiles at everyone. When I meet her in the hall and smile or wave at her, she gives me a very dirty look. A friend has suggested that she probably feels competition since Jake and I are close friends. Her behavior often upsets me, and when I would try and talk to him about it, he would want to hear about it, but then when I would tell him, he would tell me I didn't know her and that she wasn't that type of person. Did I mention that she's a church-goer? So, I felt as if he just didn't believe me.

So he and I had been socializing with a couple of our co-workers one night, and we ended going back to his place (we only lived together for the summer). We talked and just chatted like usual, but then we ended sleeping together. The next couple of days, we stayed close, spending hours and hours together. A couple of days later, he and I were just talking and she ended up coming over without notice. When she walked in, she didn't seem happy to see me and left soon after. I asked him is I should have left and he said no and that he was glad I stayed. We talked a bit, and then things came about again. The first time, had he been unsure, I would have understood, but the second time, I knew that it wasn't a mistake. Even so, I still wanted to talk about what our status was and what was going on with him and her.

At that time, she still was uncertain as to how she felt. I wanted answers from him. I asked him if it was just to fool around and told him that he could openly let me know. He told me that he wasn't sure.

The next day, I saw her go to his place and couldn't help but wonder what had been going on. He was honest with me and told me that she wanted to be with him. He said that he hadn't given her an answer so I asked him why. He said that the time that I asked him if he was attracted to me, that he lied simply because he didn't want to ruin the friendship. I asked if the nights meant nothing to him and why he would have done that if he just wanted to be friends. He replied that he didn't know why, but that it had to be that he felt more and that he wouldn't have wanted to jeopardize the friendship if he didn't want it to be more. However, he still has feelings for the other girl and still spends time with her and I.

I've asked him about making a decision and that it wasn't fair to us that he wouldn't make one up. She has no idea all this is going on, by the way. He said that he's not ready to make a decision, but that his options are: a) he picks her and feels guilty/unhappy because he misses out on a relationship with me b) picks me and feels guilty/unhappy that he can't be with her c) doesn't choose and leaves us both behind and feels no guilt, but isn't happy.

Any suggestions?

[toyota1068]

Yes, find someone else who will make you happy and spend time with you. Don't waste your time on him. If he breaks up with her and comes back to you then you'll know he cares about you. But I wouldn't waste any more time with him, there are a lot of other guys out there looking for someone like you. Good Luck !

[Bluerose]

Sorry. I can't read that.

[HistorianChick]

Hon, try not to use that light of a color for your question...

I guess my question to you would be, has he ever made any overtures to you to ask you to "be his girlfriend?" (I'm sorry, I can't read your whole post) That would be the first thing.

If he's not even yours then you have no reason to be jealous. If he's your friend that you have a thing for... TELL HIM.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained!

Hopefully, you'll get these answers to your post and give us some more information - in black text! :)

[talaniman]

Can't be easy falling for a guy with that many loves in his life. Leave him alone, and get a man who you don't have to worry about sharing, with anyone else.

[thegirlishurting]

Reading that just gave me a headache! :) Don't do that again...

Anyway, seems like he's a confused guy so I don't suggest you demand him to choose between you and the girlfriend. You know what the repercussion are if he chooses one of you so why stress yourself with the answer?

Give the guy the space he needs, don't be a doormat either. Just because you know him very well that gives you the advantage over his affections. If he wanted something out of your friendship, he could have done the move with you years ago.

[mafiaangel180]

I didn't really read this, because I'm blind now lol. But basically, if you even have to ask if he likes you or another girl... WALK. The person you want for your future will make you feel special, and they would never have to make you ask that question at all.

[boulotdodo]

Thanks for your info guys. Things since then have been pretty rocky. I came over to his place one night and found her going off to the bathroom in her pyjamas; I'm guessing to hide. I was pretty upset, and told him that it was obvious that he had made his decision. He just didn't bother to tell me...

Meanwhile, his girlfriend has been giving me a hard time. If the tension between he and I wasn't enough, she's been causing a lot of problems behind the scenes. She does it discretely, even mocking me in front of co-workers and ignoring me in the corridors. He and I won't just be losing a relationship, out friendship is going downhill because of his choice and her agitation.

[ihatewestseneca]

Goodness, was I the only one smart enough to do the "click-drag highlight thingy" anyway, why would you want to be with this guy, knowing that he's cheated on so many girls, and with his recent one with you...

[iroc99]

I've known "Jake" for about three years now. It wasn't until last year that we started to get closer as we both worked together, and still do to this day. We're closer than we've ever been now, and even though we've come across many difficult times, this seems to be the most difficult.

I've always been attracted to "Jake". He's always smiling and his eyes light up the room when he walks in. However, he has a flirtateous nature in the sense that woman seem to be is weakness. He's also a very deep, concerned and emotional person, which is highly irregular for guys his age (22), but is also what makes him very attractive.

Since we're great friends, I know quite a bit about his past. On a couple of occasions, he has gotten caught up in the mood and, through some sort of infactuation, has previously cheated and/or fooled around with other women when he had a grilfriend. He has, however, always regretted his past mistakes.

Since our time together, certain girls have come into his life. On those occassions, I couldn't help but be jealous. It would bother me when we were living together if he would go out all night with a girl. I would wonder about what they were doing and if he ever realized how much it hurt me. I know he had an idea of my jealousy; I show my emotions openly even if I'm usually shy.

Before some of these girls, he was in a long term relationship with a girl he cared for very much; I would say loved. During a summer, the two had been apart due to working locations, and, even though he says it was due to the fact that they were too far away, they both ended up cheating on each other.

After that, Jake felt broken, like there was something missing. He dated other girls but they never seemed to fix things, and even in my jealous state, I accepted it. Although, dealing with it was difficult sometimes, especially when I would walk in on things...

At a time where I felt it was right, I let him know my true feelings for him; more than friends, I had stronger feelings for him. When I asked him how he felt, he said that he didn't feel anything like that. It hurt me alot; I wasn't sure why he didn't. He would make obvious advances towards me, then say something like that. I let it go.

Then, he ended up meeting a much younger girl. She was 17, and now she's 18. He said that she "filled in" that void he was missing and it made him feel good about himself again. The two dated for a bit, but then she said that she wasn't sure if that was what she wanted. He was slightly hurt, but he would still spend hours talking with her, hoping for more.

I didn't take the news of the two of them well. It wasn't only a feeling of jealousy, but this girl caused a lot of tension in the relationship between Jake and I. She is a rather jealous person herself, and although she's very quiet and well-liked, her behavior in front of him and her behavior when he isn't there is like two opposite ends of the spectrum. I hide my feelings, and for the better of my job (which involves dealing with her on a regular basis) and for my relationship with Jake, I smile at her and wave. When he's around, she is upbeat, bubbly and smiles at everyone. When I meet her in the hall and smile or wave at her, she gives me a very dirty look. A friend has suggested that she probably feels competition since Jake and I are close friends. Her behavior often upsets me, and when I would try and talk to him about it, he would want to hear about it, but then when I would tell him, he would tell me I didn't know her and that she wasn't that type of person. Did I mention that she's a church-goer? So, I felt as if he just didn't believe me.

So he and I had been socializing with a couple of our co-workers one night, and we ended going back to his place (we only lived together for the summer). We talked and just chatted like usual, but then we ended sleeping together. The next couple of days, we stayed close, spending hours and hours together. A couple of days later, he and I were just talking and she ended up coming over without notice. When she walked in, she didn't seem happy to see me and left soon after. I asked him is I should have left and he said no and that he was glad I stayed. We talked a bit, and then things came about again. The first time, had he been unsure, I would have understood, but the second time, I knew that it wasn't a mistake. Even so, I still wanted to talk about what our status was and what was going on with him and her.

At that time, she still was uncertain as to how she felt. I wanted answers from him. I asked him if it was just to fool around and told him that he could openly let me know. He told me that he wasn't sure.

The next day, I saw her go to his place and couldn't help but wonder what had been going on. He was honest with me and told me that she wanted to be with him. He said that he hadn't given her an answer so I asked him why. He said that the time that I asked him if he was attracted to me, that he lied simply because he didn't want to ruin the friendship. I asked if the nights meant nothing to him and why he would have done that if he just wanted to be friends. He replied that he didn't know why, but that it had to be that he felt more and that he wouldn't have wanted to jeopardize the friendship if he didn't want it to be more. However, he still has feelings for the other girl and still spends time with her and I.

I've asked him about making a decision and that it wasn't fair to us that he wouldn't make one up. She has no idea all this is going on, by the way. He said that he's not ready to make a decision, but that his options are: a) he picks her and feels guilty/unhappy because he misses out on a relationship with me b) picks me and feels guilty/unhappy that he can't be with her c) doesn't choose and leaves us both behind and feels no guilt, but isn't happy.

Any suggestions?

You need to dump this guy and don't look back before you get in any deeper. You say he is very emotional... however, I suspect this is his way of getting women to chase after him. If he was as emotional and caring as you say he is he would not want to hurt someone or lead them on. Dump him and find a man that will look at the world and only see you. This man will never change and I would hate, hate for you to spend your wonderful years as an afterthought to this man.

[boulotdodo]

I've known "Jake" for about three years now. It wasn't until last year that we started to get closer as we both worked together, and still do to this day. We're closer than we've ever been now, and even though we've come across many difficult times, this seems to be the most difficult.

I've always been attracted to "Jake". He's always smiling and his eyes light up the room when he walks in. However, he has a flirtateous nature in the sense that woman seem to be is weakness. He's also a very deep, concerned and emotional person, which is highly irregular for guys his age (22), but is also what makes him very attractive.

Since we're great friends, I know quite a bit about his past. On a couple of occasions, he has gotten caught up in the mood and, through some sort of infactuation, has previously cheated and/or fooled around with other women when he had a grilfriend. He has, however, always regretted his past mistakes.

Since our time together, certain girls have come into his life. On those occassions, I couldn't help but be jealous. It would bother me when we were living together if he would go out all night with a girl. I would wonder about what they were doing and if he ever realized how much it hurt me. I know he had an idea of my jealousy; I show my emotions openly even if I'm usually shy.

Before some of these girls, he was in a long term relationship with a girl he cared for very much; I would say loved. During a summer, the two had been apart due to working locations, and, even though he says it was due to the fact that they were too far away, they both ended up cheating on each other.

After that, Jake felt broken, like there was something missing. He dated other girls but they never seemed to fix things, and even in my jealous state, I accepted it. Although, dealing with it was difficult sometimes, especially when I would walk in on things...

At a time where I felt it was right, I let him know my true feelings for him; more than friends, I had stronger feelings for him. When I asked him how he felt, he said that he didn't feel anything like that. It hurt me alot; I wasn't sure why he didn't. He would make obvious advances towards me, then say something like that. I let it go.

Then, he ended up meeting a much younger girl. She was 17, and now she's 18. He said that she "filled in" that void he was missing and it made him feel good about himself again. The two dated for a bit, but then she said that she wasn't sure if that was what she wanted. He was slightly hurt, but he would still spend hours talking with her, hoping for more.

I didn't take the news of the two of them well. It wasn't only a feeling of jealousy, but this girl caused a lot of tension in the relationship between Jake and I. She is a rather jealous person herself, and although she's very quiet and well-liked, her behavior in front of him and her behavior when he isn't there is like two opposite ends of the spectrum. I hide my feelings, and for the better of my job (which involves dealing with her on a regular basis) and for my relationship with Jake, I smile at her and wave. When he's around, she is upbeat, bubbly and smiles at everyone. When I meet her in the hall and smile or wave at her, she gives me a very dirty look. A friend has suggested that she probably feels competition since Jake and I are close friends. Her behavior often upsets me, and when I would try and talk to him about it, he would want to hear about it, but then when I would tell him, he would tell me I didn't know her and that she wasn't that type of person. Did I mention that she's a church-goer? So, I felt as if he just didn't believe me.

So he and I had been socializing with a couple of our co-workers one night, and we ended going back to his place (we only lived together for the summer). We talked and just chatted like usual, but then we ended sleeping together. The next couple of days, we stayed close, spending hours and hours together. A couple of days later, he and I were just talking and she ended up coming over without notice. When she walked in, she didn't seem happy to see me and left soon after. I asked him is I should have left and he said no and that he was glad I stayed. We talked a bit, and then things came about again. The first time, had he been unsure, I would have understood, but the second time, I knew that it wasn't a mistake. Even so, I still wanted to talk about what our status was and what was going on with him and her.

At that time, she still was uncertain as to how she felt. I wanted answers from him. I asked him if it was just to fool around and told him that he could openly let me know. He told me that he wasn't sure.

The next day, I saw her go to his place and couldn't help but wonder what had been going on. He was honest with me and told me that she wanted to be with him. He said that he hadn't given her an answer so I asked him why. He said that the time that I asked him if he was attracted to me, that he lied simply because he didn't want to ruin the friendship. I asked if the nights meant nothing to him and why he would have done that if he just wanted to be friends. He replied that he didn't know why, but that it had to be that he felt more and that he wouldn't have wanted to jeopardize the friendship if he didn't want it to be more. However, he still has feelings for the other girl and still spends time with her and I.

I've asked him about making a decision and that it wasn't fair to us that he wouldn't make one up. She has no idea all this is going on, by the way. He said that he's not ready to make a decision, but that his options are: a) he picks her and feels guilty/unhappy because he misses out on a relationship with me b) picks me and feels guilty/unhappy that he can't be with her c) doesn't choose and leaves us both behind and feels no guilt, but isn't happy.

Any suggestions?

I do apologize for the font colour... If I knew how to edit it, I would do so right away.

You're definitely right. Sometimes I can't understand why I want to be with a cheater like him... I think it has to do with all the emotional attachment between us. My brain tells me the way it is, but it's hard to forget the sensual time we've spent together.

[talaniman]

To change the color, go to edit under the post, and go advance, highlight the entire thing and change the font color.

As to your situation, you are not alone as many of us hold on to long to the exes we love so much, until we get over them and heal and get clarity. I think you can benefit from the stickey's we have and just click on the links in my signature to read them. Much luck, with healing.

[s_cianci]

It sounds like Jake's been pretty honest and upfront about who he is, even if it isn't totally healthy. To me it seems like he enjoys playing the field and really isn't commitment material. There's nothing wrong with that but you need to be mindful of that in your considerations of where things between you and Jake seem to be headed.