[mrstyoung]

My boyfriend is in federal prison, and he wants to get married NOW he has 7 more yrs I love him so much... but I don't know what to do...

[Wondergirl]

How did you meet him, and how long have you known him? How long has he been in prison?

[mrstyoung]

I grew up with his cousin and I also met him through his cousin. We started dating Sept 1995 we broke up in Oct 2000. He's been lockedup since 2003.

[Wondergirl]

What is he in for? And have you seen him since 2003 -- like, how have you kept up a relationship?

(Sorry for all the questions, but I need a little more background info.)

[shygrneyzs]

So you have been broken up with him since the year 2000. So you say. What prompted the reunion between you and him? His lock-up?

[Wondergirl]

How can you call him your boyfriend after 8 years of no in-person contact??

[mrstyoung]

We write each other 4 to 5 times a week,, we also talk 3 to 4 times a week, and I visit every 4 months... we started back talking in 2005... and for the last yr he has really been trying to get me to marry him now more than before...

[shygrneyzs]

How much longer does he have until he gets out? I would wait until he got out, got re-instated into life, and then see about dating him. My fears would be him needing some kind of soft spot to land and call home (namely you). That you would be having the job and paying the bills, etc.

Plus, you do not know what he will be like once he is out. Just because you two dated previously, it has been a long time. It would like starting from scratch. Take your time with this. I am not saying it cannot work but do not rush this. You will end up regretting it.

[mrstyoung]

Welllll he gets out in 2015, yes 7 more long yrs... his sister helps out a lot she sends him money and makes sure that I can get down there.

[Wondergirl]

It will still be 7 more long years if you are married to him. Why is he so bound and determined to marry you while he is incarcerated? Like, what's the hurry?

[Fr_Chuck]

Well a few things, there is no sexual visits in Federal Prison ( unless they change the rules siince last I dealt with them) So even if their warden would allow a marriage it would be in name only.

You are much better just being his friend and waiting till he gets out and see if he will make a honest life after he gets out.

[wewed100606]

WHy don't you ask him and yourself what you are going to gain by being married? It is just a piece of paper that is really meaningless, or at least it has been made into a joke by society today. If you guys are committed to each other, leave it at that. When he gets out, see if you can live together. From what I hear the transition for cons back into society is pretty tough and has some severe ups and downs. Maybe just commit thaqt you will be what he needs you to be, but you want to make sure it will work because you take marriage vows very seriously. Do you need the tax break that bad? Probabloy not. Why rush? Is he going somewhere? Weigh the pros and cons (no pun intended)... what do you really have to gain other than a piece of paper anda ty image of being married in a damn prison? You know what the answer is... you arejust looking for someone to tell you that you are right for your train of thought. You are right. You don't need to marry him. Follow your gut!

Love you babe!

[mrstyoung]

Oh please believe I did ask, I asked him why could'nt he wait until he came home or right before and his response was: I love you, and we were suppose to do this a long time ago and I want to marry my soulmate now- we can always have the wedding you want when I come home... soooo what am I suppose to say behind all that he's lost his mom since he's been there and I don't want him thinking that I don't love him

[mrstyoung]

Thanks To Everyone For Giving Me All This Good Advice In A Positive Form... I Really Like This Site And The People On It... Again Thanks A Lot

[Wondergirl]

Do you love HIM?

How does he figure you two were supposed to do this a long time ago??

What are you supposed to say? You are supposed to say, "Let's wait until you are home. I will be your friend meanwhile."

Is he guilting you into marriage? Poor guy, lost his mom and now no one loves him?

And what was the crime that put him behind bars for such a long time?

[mrstyoung]

Girl You Sooooo Crazy, But Seroius I Like You, I Love The Fact That You Are So Out Spoken Keep - Keeping It Real!! Yes I Do Love Him And Yes We Were Suppose To Have Gotten Married Back Then. And He's In Jail For Selling Drugs He Was Big Time... I Did'nt Want To Say Why On Here, But He's Taken Up A Trade So When He Comes Home He Can Work With My Uncle In Rehabbing Homes...

[Wondergirl]

Does his prison allow conjugal visits? Like an overnight thing?

Why marriage? What advantage would there be to being married when you can't live together?

[shygrneyzs]

When he comes home you and he can start a new life. Let him work, establish himself. DATE the guy. Watch to see how emotionally stable he is. Observe and know him through all the seasons before making that marriage commitment. I say that to anyone dating. Please get the book, "Single Wisdom" by Dr. Paris Fenner-Williams. Invaluable help for single people.

[mrstyoung]

I'm Just Saying On His Behalf, Maybe It's Just Something To Hold On To. I Guess To Know That He Has Someone, I Don't Know Your Guess Is As Good As Mine...

[Wondergirl]

He's got you to hold on to. The piece of paper doesn't mean a thing at this point. And his pushing you into marriage is a big turn-off. He should use his energy to work on his education and training.