[blk_beauty]

Hi, I have three yr. old twin boys. They will be four in June. My boys brings a new meaning to the pharse CRY BABY! Wow they cry over everything. If they can't find a toy, if they want juice, want to use the bathroom etc. I've tried over and over to explain to them they are big boys now, and big boys don't cry when they need help they just ask.
But it doesn't help. Will they grow out of this? If so WHEN! They will start Pre-K soon, I don't want the teacher to call me because my twins are not allowing class to go on lol Thanks for your help.

[tickle]

When they start kindergarten it will be a whole different story. Meeting and playing with other kids rather then with themselves will certainly give them a new outlook on the big wide world. Put up with it for now, I am sure things will change soon. You sound like a good mom.

[lacuran8626]

They haven't learned another way to get what they want. Babies cry for everything, and your children are still using that tool.

First, do not give them what they cry or whine for. Ever. You need to set boundaries of how they may speak to you and others, and show them what gets results and what doesn't.

Second, use a time-out inspired technique for crying and whining. When they are crying or whining, they have a special "crying and whining" place. Nothing else goes on in this place - no toys, no books, no conversations, no television. Just crying and whining. Make it boring. When they learn that crying and whining is boring, they will loose interest in doing it!

Third, give them a voice - a productive way to get what they want and need. "Tell mommy what you need with words." If the words are whined or cried, pretend you didn't understand and send the child to the crying/whining place until they are ready to use their words in their "nice" voice. Only say this once and if they do not stop whining or crying and ask properly, send them to the crying and whining place to finish.

Fourth, teach them by playing with their stuffed animals and things like that what is a nice voice and a whiny or crying voice. "Mr. Bear, you cannot have your jar of honey until you ask with your nice voice." Mimick Mr. Bear crying and demanding the item in an unacceptable voice, and send him to the crying/whining place for bears.

Fifth, do not negotiate with three year olds. They do not yt have the intellectual capacity and too much talk leads to confusion.

Sixth, don't let them take control. If every day Billy whines for his cup, then goes to his crying stool, then comes back and asks nicely and gets his cup, he will make it into a game. After he tries this, for example, two times, don't give the cup the next time. Say, "not today. Tomorrow you can ask Mommy in a nice voice the first time."

Seventh, use "first and then". If they don't do "first" they don't do "then". For example, "First put your shoes on, then you can ride in that toy". Set a time limit and then, "Oh, well, we ran out of time to ride in the toy. Maybe tomorrow you can put your shoes on right away when I ask, and then you'll get a turn!".

Expect dramatics and tantrums. Do not give in.