[pw75]

I have a 3 1/2 yr. old little boy. His father has done the bare minimum to be in his life. We haven't gone through court to get a set child support because I haven't been wanting to take it there. I have been taking care of my son on my own for almost 2 yrs. Now with no to little financial help from him. He does see him 2-3 days out of the week but that doesn't constitute him as being a father. He only sees him so I won't take him to court. I have a fantastic finance who loves my son and wants to adopt him as his own. Yet, his biological father won't give up his rights for me to do so. My question is, how would I be able to force him to give up his rights? PLEASE help!

[J_9]

Unless you can prove that the biological father is a danger to the child you cannot force him to terminate his rights.

You need to be taking him to court for child support, this is for your son, not you. You may not need the money, but you can put it away for your son and give it to him when he is older, use it for college etc.

[Natalia2008]

Honey if you threaten to take him to child support, i can promise you that the dead beat will sure enough give you all and every right that he has ever had. Put it to the test and watch how u get what u want.

[Momma to three]

He's seeing the child two or three days a week, and you're saying he's not being a father? My daughter would LOVE to see her father that often, instead of two or three days a MONTH. If he's willing to spend that much time with his son, his son is benefitting from a relationship with Dad. IMO, as someone who's been a divorced parent for 16 yrs. the presence of the father is usually more important to the child than the money. Child support can't help you find your sense of identity, can't build your self-esteem, etc... but time with Dad CAN do that. Just look at it as your son is going to be lucky enough to have TWO male role models in his life.

[Natalia2008]

++ PW75, you know I totally agree with you in regards to two or three days does not constitute being a father, a father is the man who is there all the time, who is there for that child when they are sick and takes of work to take care of them, who goes to parent teacher conferences, who puts that child before his needs and not on a back burner until that 3 days for a couple of hours that he comes to see the child. You see I to was in your boat. Let me tell you It is so much better to have the play daddy step down and let the other Man who wants to be a full time daddy to your child be there financially, emotionally and to nuture that child on a full time basis. Why should the man who planted the seed take credit for the father title when the next man stepped up and handled the other mans responsibility and was willing, able and happy as well as honored to do this and to call this child His SON….. Sometimes things go a different way with some people but clearly your ex is doing things for the wrong reason. So what you need to do is do not make any special exceptions for him. Take his tail to child support. Daddy isn’t just there , daddy has to support his child to. After all he did help bring him in and anyway any money you receive is not for you but for that child with that said if he does not want to pay child support or help financially well it’s clear that he would much rather be a part time daddy and let you be the full time mom on top of the expenses of caring for a child etc. with that said. He has a choice. It can go his way or you can do what you have to do.
O’ I totally agree with the following statement Below,
Child support can't help you find your sense of identity, can't build your self-esteem,
Unfortunately if that were the case then mommy should not be paying either because she is with the child and that is more important. Right?, Well it is what it is and in this world you incur expenses as a result of having children amongst other things. And when you make this decision whether planned or not, you are responsible to that child!! You are to provide for that child, emotionally and financially etc.

I hope this helps. I can totally feel what you are going through.:)

[ScottGem]

I agree with Momma, many kids would love to see their father ONCE a week. So 2-3 times is a decent amount when the parents do not live together.

J_9 is also correct. Unless you can prove he is a danger to the child, you can't force him to give up his rights.

However, I think Natalia has a point. When faced with a choice of being ordered to pay child support or relinquishing his rights so your fiancée can adopt, the odds are he will give in.

I would wait until you married, then file for child support.As soon as he gets the summons, he will probably contact you. You can then offer to drop the petition if he allows your husband to adopt.

[Fr_Chuck]

You need to do many things, first you need a child custody order in place, and have set visits and court ordered child support.

It appears you are doing nothing to try and force the support and then complain when he is not doing it.

[Ayo its dayum]

I would say try to talk him about it, if it would be best for your son. Just tell him if you believe it's the best thing than try that, if not and he wants to be in his sons life tell him to step up to the plate and be a real father or don't be one at all. Goodluck!

[dunno]

I agree with a couple of the others here about the fact that he is seeing his son 2-3 times a week. That's more than my boyfriend gets to see his daughter.

I do have an issue with Natalia's answer. My BF only gets to see his daughter 4-8 days a month. It's not his fault. That's what the court gave him. His ex won't let him see his daughter more than that. He loves his daughter with everything he has. SO should he step aside and let his daughters step-dad adopt her since the court gave custody to the mother and gave my BF the standard visitation for this state? Does this make him a bad father? NO!

MOst of the time there is a reason that guys don't see their kids more than 2-3 days a week. THe parents are SEPARATED. When that happens, a kid doesn't get to see both parents every day. MY BF would love to be a full time daddy but when parents separate, it's pretty hard for both parents to be full time.

For someone to say a parent should give up their rights, because they can't be with their child every day, is a load of crap.

[jasondbel]

Well put.

[Mikes_babe]

I went through this a long time ago with my oldest son. His father moved out of the state for awhile and then expected to walk back in when he was 6. My then husband wanted to adopt him since he raised him from the age of 18 months, but the "sperm donor" wouldn't sign the papers... so I took him to court for support, they ordered him to pay over 400 a month for this child, and soon after he was willing to sign just so he wouldn't have to pay. Try talking to a lawyer if you don't have one and see what they say. Consultations are usually free. Good luck

[ScottGem]

Its sad, but its all to frequent occurrence that the non custodial parent can be blackmailed into relinquishing their rights by the threat of support payments. Its sad that they are willing to abandon their child over money. Its sad that the custodial parent will deny their child getting to know their other bio parent. Its said, that he has to come to blackmail.

I'm not trying to criticize any specific person here. There are often circumstances where shutting the non custodial parent out is the right thing to do. But the whole thing just saddens me.

[Mikes_babe]

Its sad, but its all to frequent occurrence that the non custodial parent can be blackmailed into relinquishing their rights by the threat of support payments. Its sad that they are willing to abandon their child over money. Its sad that the custodial parent will deny their child getting to know their other bio parent. Its said, that he has to come to blackmail.

I'm not trying to criticize any specific person here. There are often circumstances where shutting the non custodial parent out is the right thing to do. But the whole thing just saddens me.

I never wanted to keep him out of his life, he decided to be out of his life. When my son got older he contacted his dad, they aren't close, but they do talk.

[wewed100606]

Hey, this isn't going to the heart of the question, but you people honeslty made me cry! This is fricking ridiculous! For you people to come in and say seeing your child 2 -3 days a week is not being a father? First, I will remove myself from this equation to start. What about father who travel throughout the week for work and can only be home on weekends? OTR truckers, traveling sales, construction, etc. They are not fathers? Second of all, a lot of times there are fathers who, like myself, by virtue of the judicial system who would love to spend more time with there kids, but a court doesn't think it is very important. I DID NOTHING WRONG... paid child support, hospital birthing bills, etc. and all the court would give me was every other weekend visitation for my daughter when she was born... and I had to fight so it didn't have to be supervised! I was 20 year college kid with a full time job, no criminal record, strong family support system. Who are saying you have to be there everyday to be a dad! IS ANY PARENT THERE EVERY DAY! Seriously, get off your high horses. Just because a mother and father aren't together doesn't mean one of them is an {expletive deleted}... mayeb it was a one night mistake, maybe things just didn't workout, whatever the reason co-parenting is important whether it is everyday or once a month. ALL OF YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES. I can bet the odds that I was twice the parent you are when I only got my daughter four days a month. Now I get to be with her everyday and you know what... she remembers all the fun we had... she doesn't remember the days daddy wasn't there. Just because someone doesn't live with their kid doesn't make them a dead beat!

{Expletives deleted-<>}

[ScottGem]

Wewed,
Please review the rules of this site about profanity and insults. I edited your post rather than delete it because you did have something valuable to say. But you need to calm down and be civil about the way you express it.