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jeffatl · Jan 11, 2006, 02:59 PM

Ok, I have been talking to "the new girl" in my life (sorta) for about two weeks now, and we pretty much talked everyday. She lives in California and is a pretty busy girl. Everything seemed to be going goo, getting to know each other better, laughing, all the good stuff, then *poof* I haven't heard squat from her in about 5 days. I know she is busy and all, but I just think its weird that we went from talking all the time to nothing. Am I looking too much into this, or should I just back off and let her contact me now? Im not trying to start a relationship with her right now or anyhting, but I really like talking with her, and just getting to know her. I would call, but I don't want to come off as pushy or needy. I guess if I don't hear anyhting from her by next week I will shoot her a call. Advice here?

nwsflash · Jan 11, 2006, 03:22 PM

It could be as you said that she is just really busy right now! As you said she leads a busy life... I think you should try and give her a call or maybe leave a voicemail or something... And then I would leave it too see if she called you back.

If you have both been talking for a while I think you would have got the idear from her if she wanted you to back off, just call, come on what you got to lose nothing so its worth a try if you want to be friends with her ;)

talaniman · Jan 11, 2006, 06:02 PM

Good to see you out and about Jeff,Hey after 5 days a phone call is in order just to check things out and leave a short message if you have too,then wait and see if she calls you back!:cool:

jeffatl · Jan 11, 2006, 06:06 PM

I agree with you guys. I think I need to stop questioning what I am doing, and "just do it"tm. I will wait it out until Monday I guess, then call her butt up! I have this thing with women now called "the 2 week rule". I pretty much understand that women run on emotions a lot, and they can change in the blink of an eye, so I give them 2 weeks to come around, or I give them the AXE! HAHAHAHAHA! Im soooooo loving life right now!! :p

DrJ · Jan 11, 2006, 06:56 PM

Is this a girl you met online? Or have you actually met her in person??

jeffatl · Jan 11, 2006, 07:01 PM

Hahahaha! Yea, Ive known this girl for a LONG time, about 8 years. She went to my HS and we both liked each other, but were involved with other people. I have hung out with this gilr about 1000 times. Its just a weird situation now that she is so far away. I have never been one to get myself all worked up about someone that I have no way of dating (for now). That would be Weird to meet a girl online...

DrJ · Jan 11, 2006, 07:07 PM

LMAO... you'd be surprised! When I first read your post, I assumed it was a girl you met online since you are both far apart and she is your "new girl." So I was thinking... psycho!! Lol

But yeah, if you have known this girl for sometime, it seems that she wouldn't likely just blow you off. It is difficult staying in close contact with someone so far away on a consistent basis. My guess is that life is catching up with her. Give it a few days and give her a call. MY ADVICE: don't say ANYTHING about why she hasn't called or contacted you. Simply say hi and that you just wanted to give her a call and see how's she's been. You want to be interested in her life but not overly obsessed with her wondering why 5 days has passed and she hasn't called. Remember... you have a life, too and you are a busy guy, too. Maybe even go as far as saying "sorry for not getting in touch with you sooner... i wouldnt want you to worry, ive just been busy" ;)

Keep the upper hand... always!!

DJ 'H' · Jan 12, 2006, 03:12 AM

I would wait for her to get in contact with you.

I have been there many times, met a guy, started getting to know them, talking & hanging out lots, really starting to like them, then nothing. Each time I waited for them to contact me, most of them didn't; so I knew they were not really interested. However a couple did. It on;ly resulted in friendship but they are still in touch today on and off - when they have some time to spare.

Just be patient and wait for her to contact you. If it goes weeks then send her a message just asking if everything is Ok? And see if she responds.

Keep us posted - I hope she gets in touch!

Wildcat21 · Jan 12, 2006, 09:30 AM

I wait over a week... BUT, I would advise giving her one last contact - and just one - call/vvoice mail - e-mail - NO TEXT.

No pressure, no neediness.

Just - "Hi it's Jeff, wanted to say hi and see what's going on with you, I know you're a busy gal (give her an excuse wh yshe hasn't called you - make it her idea), anyway take care"

SHort and simple, no pressure!! Women HATE pressure.

Do NOT say give me a call!

Do NOT say lets make plans OR lets hang out etc!!

jeffatl · Jan 12, 2006, 01:59 PM

COOL! I just heard from her!! She sent me a message, and like I thought, she has been BUSY. I feel like a little girl or something!! LOL! She has been trying to get a job at Lockheed Martin in California, so she has been pretty stressed out lately too. That is one of the things I find SO attractive about this woman, she has goals in life and works HARD. I am so used to these "bar chicks" that all they do is drink and party... over it. I think I will wait until tomorrow to respond to her, just to make her wonder what I am up to! LOL! Thanks for the advice guys, I will keep you posted on the details... I have some pretty juicy stuff sometimes!!

talaniman · Jan 12, 2006, 02:18 PM

Atlanta to California is quit a challenge!:cool: :eek:

Wildcat21 · Jan 12, 2006, 02:20 PM

Good move Jeff... remember - LESS IS MORE!! Less of you is more to her.

Wait for the call back.

Isn't it better this way?

People ARE busy... and She may just be unsure. BY YOU BEING PATIENT it allows her to reflect, wonder about you, miss you,. for some reason woman NEED to build these things up in them.

Like when you go on a DATE - women almost enjoy MORE thinking about and anticipating a date than the actual date.

Good for you! You are learning. Confidence and patience.

PLUS - this gal sounds like a keeper. She most likely WILL NOT pull the crap you went through with the cheating-gal. You most likely will never experience that crap from a gal like this.

But, she may be a little harder to bringing in. Be patient. She, I bet, has much higher standards.

DrJ · Jan 12, 2006, 02:23 PM

Great news! And good move on holding off a day or two before getting back to her. I agree 100% with the post above me.

jeffatl · Jan 12, 2006, 02:34 PM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

PLUS - this gal sounds like a keeper. She most likely WILL NOT pull the crap you went through with the cheating-gal. You most likely will never experience that crap from a gal like this.

But, she may be a little harder to bringing in. Be patient. She, I bet, has much higher standards.

I agree with you on this one wildcat, and I think that these are just a few of the factors that attract me to this girl in the first place. I LOVE a challenge in a woman, the chase is really the fun part for me. I have learned a TON about women and myself over the past few months, now it is just time for me to use that knowledge and above all be me.

jeffatl · Feb 14, 2006, 12:28 AM

UPDATE: Getting closer and closer as the weeks go by. She just called to say happy valentines day (its like 11pm there on the 13th) I thought that was SUPER sweet. She tells me I am "amazing" "cool as sh@t" and "a real catch". The problem I am running into is, now I am thinking about her A lot, and don't want to do any type of long distance relationship. I don't want to back off because I care for her A lot. But I don't want anytype of long distance relationship and neither does she. How can we go about this? Cut off contact so we don't burn it out before it can even begin? HELP!!

jeffatl · Feb 28, 2006, 03:33 PM

Update: Thigs are now getting into the "complicated" area. We talk about 3 times a week, but I am starting to think "whats the point?". I really do like this girl a lot, but she is so far away there is no way we could make this work. I would Love to start something up if or when she comes back, but I feel like for now this much communication is not good. I mean, if we talk and talk, there will be nothing else for us to find out about each other when we do hang out. Wildcat, how should I play this one out?

Wildcat21 · Feb 28, 2006, 03:44 PM

Well - this is a Long Distance relationship right?

Much different animal. You have to be really patient. 3 times a week is OK. But, you could do less - I've read where you could/should go 3 weeks without contacting. I hope your not on the phone for an hour or more - keep it short, make sure you ALWAYS say good bye first - leave them wanting more!! You have make sure to plan to meet once or twice a month at least eventually.

It's way too easy to cheat though. Hard to trust.

You can ALWAYS over communicate. I hope your not on the phone for hours?

Several years ago I called a gal every day who was LD - 3 hours... I showed WAY too much interest. Crashed and burned.

LD are really hard to do.

You want to manage this properly - READ the free articles on LD relationships at: www.lovetactics.com - awesome stuff. There's a section LD that I kNOW will give insite and answers.

jeffatl · Feb 28, 2006, 05:47 PM

Nonono, not on the phone too long. MAYBE about 30min or less, never an hour (I would kill myself). It is just weird because of the whole "talking" thing. That's all we can really do right now, and I want her to know Im interested and stuff, but I want to make her chase me. Don't know, I guess I will play it by ear...

momincali · Feb 28, 2006, 06:09 PM

Jeff, my prodigal son has returned! Good to hear you're text (haha)! Would it be absolutely out of the question to consider flying out to visit her for a couple of days? I know you don't want to come off as serious, and it really doesn't have to be... Tell her you've always wanted to go to Disneyland, you've always wanted to audition in Hollywood for a role on "Grey's Anatomy" LOL or you want to go to San Fran or whatever and then maybe you two can hang out? It would kind of scratch your itch and you'd have fun at the same time.

Make it sound as though the primary reason for your visit to Cali is to go to... X and since you're out here, you can maybe stop by for a day or two.

This might also give you some insight as to how she see's the relationship, if she thinks it's headed anywhere in particular or if she's happy with the no pressure, a couple of calls a week thing. I mean, did you guys ever talk about not dating others??

jeffatl · Feb 28, 2006, 06:32 PM

Not a bad idea actually. Maybe I can make a "trip" out to San Fran for a few days this summer (she lives north of there). I will keep that in mind. Disneyland!! LOL, I LOVE IT!!