[talaniman]

You could have cleared the air when this first came up, instead of letting it ride so long.

[atenik]

I have been seeing my boyfriend for one year and three months, and up late he has been talking about marrying me. Today he spoke to me about opening up an account together to save for vacationing and our wedding, he hasn't formely proposed to me yet but he seems serious about me. I never saw or heard him speak so highly about this. He is Tauras and I am Aries we are both serious people who wants what they want.

I love him a lot and would love to be his bride to be, but I have a question about opening up an account with him before we are actually engaged should I or shouldn't I that is the question?

We are both in our thirty's - not in our twenties to help with my answer.

Thanks in advance!

[ChihuahuaMomma]

We can't tell you what to do. You need to weigh the pros and the cons. If you are both serious about each other and responsible then go ahead.

[HeartTrips]

He should have already asked the question, that way he can make the leap... imo

[makapuu]

I think you should wait until you are married before you mix your money. You don't need a joint account to save money now. It sounds like he has trouble saving money on his own.

[Gemini54]

I would not open a joint account until you're married.

Life can throw some surprises, and I suggest it would be good to keep your money separate until you wed. You can always put money into a separate account in your own name to which only you have access if you want to save for holidays or the wedding.

Better to be safe than sorry. The relationship is still young and you don't know each other that well.

[talaniman]

Joining finances with anyone but your spouse may not be the best idea at this time, and as others have said, you can save without a joint account. If he scoffs at your reluctance, remind him that there are other ways to save, until your married, besides joint accounts.

[atenik]

I had a disaggrement with my boyfriend and it turned into something major. My boyfriend told me that "I need to leave my house with a police escort because I was going to end up in a morgue", after I told him I wanted to break up with him after seeing him for one year in a half.

When I spoke to him about his actions the next day he denied that he said the part about me ending up in a morgue, and that he didn't threaten me. I told him that he did say it and it was a threat, and he also threatened me earlier that day by telling me he knows where to find me and that if he has to stand and wait for me to show up at the destinations he knows I have to show up he will wait for me, he also said he would slap the shi@ out of me when he see me.

After all was said and done he finally told me he had a personalilty disorder/ and is clinically depressed. I knew all along he had split personality he had just never came out and said it to me that was his diagnosis.

I am torn because I love him and I can't just turn my back on him if he is sick, but then I don't feel safe with him either. I told him this but he still doesn't want me to leave him, but I know I can't stay.

When I am giving him what he needs and spending lots of time with him he is OK, but when I am not he becomes verbally abusive and sometimes emotionally abusive.

I told him all I can offer him is my friendship but I can't be in a dead end/abusive relationship with him.

I need some advice on this one.

Thanks,

[justcurious55]

Get out of the relationship completely. No friendship. No nothing. No Facebook, texts, etc. read the stickies on the relationship forum (I think that's where they are) they offer some really helpful advice. Sick or not, he does not have the right to threaten you or abuse you in any way. If need be, get a restraining order. If he continues to bother you after that, you can have him arrested. Were the police actually called the other night you mentioned? If you choose to stay, at least call the cops next time he starts threatening you. Enrolling yourself in some self defense classes wouldn't be a bad idea either. I know it's uncomfortable, but make sure the people around you know what's going on. That way they'll know to be watching out for you and if he actually acts on his threats, they'll know to act immediately.

[rosemcs]

He is mentally unstable and has become dangerous and unpredictable, because of his disorder. That is the objective way to look at it despite how sorry you feel for him. Take his threats seriously, because he is not in his right mind. At this point, you must help yourself and that is getting a restraining order, telling friends and family that you need to be cautious, because of what happened. Watch your back and don't go where he knows you will be alone. You can't reason with this type of person. It would also be beneficial to seek help with a therapist on how to emotionally deal with this.

[justcurious55]

Had to spread the rep rose, but I agree. Mentally unstable people are impossible to predict or reason with. They are truly dangerous.

[KBC]

It's such a shame those without a disorder can judge those of us WITH one so quickly and triumphantly.Shame on both of you for casting the stone.

I was,am,and will be in relationships.

I have bipolar disorder.I wasn't diagnosed for it till I was getting divorced.Maybe if they had treated me during the marriage,I would still be married.

To the poster,atenik,

Just because someone has an illness doesn't mean that they are going to be a serial killer.You say he is aware of this illness, does he seek help for it?If not(and by the way it sounds,he isn't),make that a condition as to staying with him,, and if you are willing to go through rough times.

If someone had diabetes,would you leave them?They have mood swings,they have all kinds of 'insane' activities, while their diabetes isn't under control.Same with personality disorders.

Willingness to be there for someone requires a special person.Are you that person?

Look through this site,Setting Personal Boundaries - protecting self and see where setting boundaries for yourself protection can be used to not allow him to cross your safety lines.

I hope you make a good decision for you and for him.

[rosemcs]

KBC, there is a major difference between someone with a disorder and someone with a disorder that threatens to kill.

There better be judgement for the protection of your own life-disorder or no disorder.

And by the way, I live with someone that has a disorder.

[KBC]

KBC, there is a major difference between someone with a disorder and someone with a disorder that threatens to kill.

There better be judgement for the protection of your own life-disorder or no disorder.

And btw, I live with someone that has a disorder.

Another person who doesn't understand the use of the rating system, thanks for reading the site guidelines:(

I was not in any way factually wrong in my response, those are the guidelines to the ratings,, too bad.

A threat is just that,a threat, there was not any mention of physical action taken,the poster did what they felt they needed to do at that time.

Living with someone with a disorder doesn't make you some kind of expert,it might allow for an objective opinion,just as I gave(with examples,I might add)

To just tell someone to leave the situation because you said to is not what you have done,how then can you say do it?

[rosemcs]

I have left and had it eventually worked out, but my guard is way up. You don't need to know my situation and all the details. When anyone threatens you or you your family members, you have to take it seriously. You can't use the excuse of having a disability as a crutch.

Time may work things out between the both, but meanwhile, atenik is trying to get away from him. She has no responsibility to fix his problems and does not deserve a threat to her life.

I did not abuse the post, because your claim is absurd when you say it takes a special person to be there for someone when they threaten to kill you. Ask that to the families of victims of where it really happened, when no one took it seriously. How factual is it for the police if you told them "a threat is just a threat"? The law deals with people that make threats very seriously.

[justcurious55]

It doesn't matter whether he has a disorder. It is never OK to threaten someone's life, or any physical harm. I understand that disorders can be treated. But the person has to want to and be willing to accept treatment.
In any case, I agree with rosemcs again, that you kbc, are in the wrong here. Someone's life is being threatened here. I do not believe that encouraging the OP to stay is the right or responsible thing to do.

[J_9]

Nobody is in the "wrong" here... we just all see it differently.

I've been in the place of the OP and am still in my marriage to this man.

Things can work out.

However, the OP has to distance herself for a while. If she wants this relationship to work, she has to get mentally healthy enough to help the one she cares for. She needs to temporarily get away so that her man can see what is happening.

If he loves her enough, he will seek help and be compliant with medication. If he does not do this, then he is not in the right mind to be in a relationship.

Believe it or not, people with disabilities such as this can be in healthy relationships. It's just harder.

[Jake2008]

Had to spread the rep J-9. But, you make very good points, about particularly the OP taking care of herself and being strong first, then she can be healthy enough herself to help.

[atenik]

My boyfriend hit my son's hand with the remote control and when I said something about it he did it again and my son was crying he is (4 yrs old).

I asked him to leave my apartment and he refused, so I reached for my phone to make a call to have an escorted out of my apartment and he grabbed my phone and asked me if I wanted him to throw my phone at the wall or drop it on the floor to break it.

I got even more angry and scratched his face I didn't break his skin I just wanted my phone. He got angry and choked me and pushed me onto the stove.

I have had it with him. Can I get a restaining order against him even though I don't have any bruises or marks on my neck and my son's hand wasn't bruised?

[CarrotTalker]

I'd try calling your local police department non-emergency number. They might be able to help more with the process or understanding of a restraining order.