[nick88]

Ive been going out with my boyfriend for a year and a half and we love each other very much. We are young and we are the kind of couple that might get married in about 8 years. But my problem is that I'm hispanic and he is white. He works in the corrections department. And the people who work in that field tend to get racist. Everywhere we go he makes comments and says little things and it bothers me. Even though I'm hispanic it doesn't matter to him,but he never gets too into it that it will make me very offended. But I do get offended sometimes. I have gotten so used to it that I just ignore and pretend like he never says anything. But this is a problem in our relationship that is bothering me and that is the only problem too. Ive been thinking.. and if I do get to marry him I don't think it'll work out because his job is what is going to keep him like this. He is going to be around it all the time. I thought of talking to him about it but I don't think that's going to even work. Because again of his job. Hes an amazing boyfriend but that's the only thing I dislike about him. What should I do? Do you think this is going effect us if we get married?

[Fr_Chuck]

First no working in the prison does not make you racist, since there are guards ( officers) of all race that you count on.
But what he does see is the worst of all races, and when he sees the gang members, that type of perosn on the streets, he sees them behinds bars in a few years.

And why "may be married in 8 years, that is a long time off for adults.

[shygrneyzs]

If it offends you now, chances are pretty darn good it is going to offend you later. Unless he gets a new attitude. You say you pretend like he did not say it or you did not hear it. That is like living with a stick of dynamite, isn't it? Someday he may say or do something that is highly offensive to you and then you blow up and let all the things he has said, that have bothered you, come out.

Wouldn't it be much better to have some honest and open communication NOW? If you do not say anything to him about how you feel, he is not going to know that this is upsetting you. There is the chance he does not realize what he says disturbs you. Give him the benefit of the doubt on that if you want - but TALK to him.

You say you love him and he loves you. Couples in love are not afraid to communicate about what affects their lives.

Don't go blaming the job. That is just the crutch here. He can manage his mouth and attitude better and not use the "but my job makes me do that" routine. If you have the thoughts that talking to him will do no good, then you have your answer to this. Would you want children with this man?

I do not see a future for you and him with the ways things are - as you have stated they are. Now if you two would go into some couples counseling together and work through this - you might have a happier ending.

Good luck to you.

[EuRa]

First no working in the prison does not make you racist, since there are guards ( officers) of all race that you count on.

I'm going to disagree. My mother was never really racist, until she became a nurse in the maximum security prison. Fast forward 20+ years, she's more racist than ever before. Our community is 99% white, the prison is easily 90% black. My entire community works at the prison... just about anyway. Everyone here is racist, and the prison is a huge reason for this.

The only black family I know in town is racist too... against his own kind! I don't doubt that prison life has helped mold your man into more of a racist than before, not one bit. But he doesn't feel that way about all people of a specific race. If he did, he wouldn't want to be with you.

If it offends you, then you must ask him to stop showing it in front of you. Don't ask him to stop being racist, just ask him to stop saying whatever that bothers you. If he's understanding, he should do just that.

[Fr_Chuck]

There is a big difference in racist and merely a dislike for a criminal type.

After years as a law enforcement officer I can drive down a street and point out hookers, drug deals that a regular person would never see.
Does it make you dislike certain dress, or certain manner of behavior, yes but it is far from rasist.

That opinon of disliking people similar in behavior to those in prison is common even in areas. The main difference is, they would dislike anyone who lives similar life to those in prision, but the race would not be an issue to staff who is black, or to upper middle class blacks or black business people. But perhaps turned very negative to the more "project" type of person regardless of their race

[raggablue]

Racism is unacceptable in any form, snide coments on the street or dressing from head to toe in white cloaks and burning people on stakes, it wrong, tell your man that it upsets you and you want him to stop. If he is the same man you fell in love with he will understand

[cerisa]

You will be dodging comments from him and his friends your whole life. So will your children or their hispanic heiritage will be minimised or dismissed. If he feels he is better than you, dump him. He does not respect you and that is no way to have a marriage. He is using the job as an excuse. Sure, he is dealing with criminals, it is not a pleasant environment. It does harden people. He is also using the 'us against them' mentality law enforcement tends to adopt. 'brothers in arms' and all that,which is necessary at work to watch each others back. If he blames the job,he could change jobs,work in a better environment and have a better income. There is not a lot of job opportunity or advancement in corrections departments.
Still, he is hurting you and he doesn't stop it. There is a rich hispanic history, maybe you and he could learn a little of it. BTW,look up race designations, and lose the 'he is white'- so are you. Wikipedia . And whatever his or your race or culture, mutual respect is key.

[talaniman]

If you have expressed your concerns over his comments, or behavior, and he continues to exibit that behavior, then his lack of respect will only get worse. I would certainly have a long discussion about it.

[MOWERMAN2468]

Let him be his own person, and if you are not comfortable with the changes that are making him more of a racist, perhaps it is time for you to hit the road. I only see the situation increasing the tension between you and I do not see you getting married in 8 years to him. Best leave now to prevent some of the pain of splitting up later, because it will come one day.

[TrueFaith]

He can't be if he is with you girl. He probable just sees a lot of blacks and spanish people in his prison and he can't help but think there all like that.

But he doesn't really because I said he is with you.

Well all have views in this world.. people have gone way to P.C relax
I think its so funny how you can't say anything now a days.

But oh well :)