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jleibold · Jan 23, 2008, 10:22 AM

We are thinking about holding our 1st grader back a year in school. He is the youngest and smallest in his class. He has struggled with his reading skills since kindergarten. He is not at the maturity level of the other kids. He has a reading tutor and his kindergarten teacher tutors him twice a week after school. My question is if we decide to hold him back is it better to switch schools and get a new start, or keep him there and let him see his fellow classmates years from now always ahead of him? Will he get teased? Will he be known as the dumb kid? Or is it me as a parent just feeling like I will be judged. We like the school and have another one signed up for k4 there next year.

NowWhat · Jan 23, 2008, 10:28 AM

If he was in say, 5th grade and you decided to hold him back, then maybe you could consider changing schools. But at this age, I wouldn't worry about that at all.

I went through this with my daughter last year. She was the youngest in her class and struggled with reading. Her math skills were great as were her other studies. BUT, her maturity level wasn't what it should be and she was just struggling.

We held her back, got her the same teacher and this year (I am proud to say) she is at the top of her class.
She knows she was held back, as were 3 others in her class, we took total responsibility for why she was held back. We told her that WE decided to start her to soon, etc. Don't look at this as a bad thing. If you look at it in a negative way, your son will pick up on that and think the same thing.
Her teacher told us that our daughter has her academic footing now and she thinks she will continue to be a "star" student from now on.

And, as for the other kids, they don't even realize it.

oneguyinohio · Jan 23, 2008, 10:41 AM

My son went through something similar, and was very happy to have the extra year. He did not like being the youngest. He has really grown positively and become a leader as a result. Those other kids may not even remember much about who was in what grade as they get older. Talk to your son about having a chance to be one of the older kids. If he gets along with the teacher that is a large part of the equation.

I too wasn't sure about keeping my son in the same grade... He didn't fail, but it was a choice we as parents made to allow him time for maturity, and to be in a group that was more age appropriate for him. That can have tremendous benefits later on academically and socially.

Sarah48375 · Mar 18, 2008, 10:25 PM

I'm a parent now, and I have two sides to this. I switched schools when I got held back in first grade. I didn't make any difference. When the kids at my new school found out (older brothers told) I was held back, I got teased.

My best friends daughter on the other hand stayed back and stayed in the same school, and she never mentioned and problems. She is very well liked. She also caught up very well.

shellywright · Mar 22, 2008, 09:40 AM

I am being faced with this same decision. Although the research shows that it can have a short term benefit, it's not in their best interest long term.
Early-grade retention--are benefits real or imagined? My girlfriend who is a principal, sent me this most recent study done on the subject. Remember that there is a higher percentage of kids being held back and the drop out rate has increased. HUM?

I'm still on the fence. My child is very sensitive, so no matter what I tell her, she's going to feel like she did something wrong not to move up with the other kids. Since we all mature at different times, how much should they hold a child back so that they are "average". I'd really like to know who these "average" kids are. I don't know any personally.:eek:

emmaly04 · Jun 28, 2010, 04:34 PM

I feel that the drop out rate might be true, but... with positive support from all sides maybe the child will be successful in his/her education. I retained my son in 3rd grade after watching him struggle from Kindergarten. After struggling with the thought and arguing with the principal ofhis school. I retained him with the same teacher the next year. It was a good move because it was discovered he had Dyslexic tendencies.. which I am happy to say he was able to get help with. And with a mid September birthday he is right at the same age as his friends.

joshua102383 · Mar 14, 2011, 03:19 AM

I got held back at 8th grade, I'm 22 now. As a result, I don't love my parents anymore and I couldn't care less if they drop dead tomorrow (I'm not kidding). Right now I'm a after school teacher and very soon, I'll be a history teacher for secondary education. I live with my partner and where doing fine and were having children very soon. However, my parents will never get the chance to see them because I do not want them to held them back as well. Think very carefully for the long-run decision because I am the only child and for my parents knowing I do not love them must kill them inside.

DoulaLC · Mar 15, 2011, 03:01 PM

Originally Posted by joshua102383

I got held back at 8th grade, I'm 22 now. As a result, I don't love my parents anymore and I could care less if they drop dead tomorrow (I'm not kidding). Right now I'm a after school teacher and very soon, I'll be a history teacher for secondary education. I live with my partner and where doing fine and were having children very soon. However, my parents will never get the chance to see them because I do not want them to held them back as well. Think very carefully for the long-run decision because I am the only child and for my parents knowing I do not love them must kill them inside.

What was the reason you were held back? Were you truly struggling or were you not working up to your potential? If you were having a difficult time in school, it is very sad that you would hold this against your parents when no doubt they made a decision that they felt was in your best interest. Is there more to the picture for you to have such strong feelings? How do you equate your parents being involved in any of your future children's lives with their being held back?

Sometimes, parents have to make tough decisions, having to weigh the pros and cons of a situation. Their kids may not always be thrilled about it. Parents may come to have regrets as well, but something's you can't do over to see if there would have been a different outcome.

When you become a parent, you will find that you too will be faced with difficult decisions. Holding a child back can indeed sometimes be the best course of action. Much obviously depends on the individual and the situation.

It sounds as though there must be more that has transpired over the years.