[mrscess]

Im 22 and 6 months pregnant, and for the sake of my unborn I want to stop all the paranoid thoughts that keep going round in my head, I have been with the baby's dad for just over 2 years and all started well until a year later I found out he had lied to me for the past year and had met two other people "just for a drink" after been with me for two months, I try to put this behind me but can't help but bring it up during arguments and I'm always looking for something to catch him out, Im not saying I'm innocent either as I have also cheated once but this was an attempt to get the truth out as my gut feeling told me something was wrong. I have now had enough of feeling like this please if anyone has advise please help me. Thank you

[talaniman]

You may need to consult with your doctor, to get a therapists to reconcile your actions, and get past them. Something is wrong, when his having a drink with someone is cheating, and your soul searching is not.

[lhemilie202]

Life can be confusing and you are both to blame and not that what you or him did was right but you need to decide what to because there is a child involved. Him having a drink is something you rightfully should be mad over and it should not be negated by the fact that you cheated. 2 wrongs don't make a right and you cheating is definitely wrong s well I think you need to look at the bigger picture and if the two of you don't work then you just don't and there is nothing wrong with that it sounds to me like there has been something you are both needing and not getting from the other person which is why you both went looking else where and now I think you both need to figure out a rational way t co-parent your child I left my daughters father when she was two weeks old without a penny to my name and no financial support and I can say that she is now 3 1/2 years old and we are both fine it is possible and when that child is born you will not believe the drive it will give you to make the impossible possible I am living proof I'm not saying your situation is that bad but you can make it work I suggest having a game plan before your child I born never stay together just because you are having a child it won't last and it will all happen in front of innocent eyes you don't need to be together to be awesome parents just be honest and hve good communication and remember you are on a time line to make some decisions and get adjusted with whatever you decide when it looks rough just stop close your eyes and breathe there is always a light and as the saying goes this to shall pass. I believe you will make the right decision

[cerisa]

Okay, I understand he went out for drinks when you were dating for a year? And then you found out and cheated on him? Physically? And now after a period you got pregnant. Is the child his? If he has not made going out for drinks with other women a serial pursuit, and you have not cheated again, it seems to me you have a fairly stable relationship, and a baby on the way. Work on the good things you have going on. The future is the only thing you have any control of, work on making it a good one. Both of you.

[mrscess]

Ok just to answer the above, Yes the child is my other halfs as I have been faithful for nearly two years, the fact that does my head in is that he lied for over a year and you know yourself when something is wrong and he only went for a drink with these other people is only what he told me but I found message evidence that in fact with the one girl if he had somewhere to go to he would have taken her back and slept with her, I do feel like I can trust him now as we have been stable now for ages but I just can't seem to get the thoughts that he will do it again and that drives me to say things to him, I think it may be best to go and see a thearipist as we hardly ever argue and do have a good relationship now its just something I can not let go of.

[talaniman]

If things were as stable as you say, then you must see how your reactions can drive a wedge between you?? Instead of reacting to those feelings with negative actions, you must train yourself to act differently, when they surface, and a professional can guide you through the process, if you need help!

[mafiaangel180]

Wait, so let me see if I have this right... you found a year into your relationship, that he cheated on you in the beginning. But yet, now a year later you are mad about it? You should have dealt with all of this way back when you first found out. How did you manage to continue so far? This all seems so unhealthy for you, and you need to put your baby first. I'm going to say... that since cheating happened so early in the relationship... definitely get out of this situation, but know he will be a part of your life forever.

[mrscess]

You have misunderstood I found out after a year that he had cheated in the first couple of months of our relationship and two years on I can not let this go as it still bothers me, I need someone to give advise on how to deal with the thoughts of this that are still going on what I can not forget.

[cerisa]

You need some professional help with your obsessive worries. A good counselor would help you both to resolve your problems. Having a child on the way should make you both want to have a stable home. You both made mistakes early on,chalk some of that to being young (and foolish)! Seemingly they have not been repeated. That alone is a very good indicator of how your relationship is going. I am not a promoter of 'once a cheater" sometimes we make stupid mistakes, especially when young, that we learn from. Hope that is the case here.