[yerba_mate]

I am totally confused about this.
I'm 37 and he's 31.
When we first met a year ago, everyone (his friends) kept telling me how he was obsessed with sex.
His ex wife said she had issues with him because of his high sex drive. She said he always pestered her and she was glad he met a nympho who could meet his needs.
His parents even told me about his high sex drive!
He fully admits he was obsessed with it and used to constantly nag his ex for sex.
Well... I am still waiting to see this high sex drive.
We live together, the relationship is strong. We are currently engaged, even.
When we do have sex, its good.
I just don't know how to take things, though.
We have sex about twice a week and usually I initiate it.
Usually, I give him a lot of foreplay. He generally won't get erect without stimulation.
Sex tends to be a bit one-sided, from my perspective. I feel like he gets most of the attention and receives while I do the giving.
At times, he even turns me down for sex.
I've asked him about this.
Even he says he only had sex with his ex wife once or twice a week and he was obsessed because he didn't receive it?? They had sex about as often as we do.
He says he doesn't feel the compulsion anymore because he used to use sex as a means for intimacy with her.
He says with me, we have a far more affectionate, loving, intimate relationship so he doesn't have to substitute sex for love.
I'm not so sure... he denies it but I can't help but feel he isn't as attracted to me as he was to her.

[hollylovesbrandon]

Sounds pretty reasonable from his perspective.

[Choux]

So the problem is: common gossip doesn't agree with your personal intimate experience?

I really don't know what to say here... perhaps, he is an immature 31 and you are an average, competent 37 year old woman. If I were you, I would look for answers to my questions there. He might be too young for you, I don't know.

[ampersandra]

"Obsessed with sex" in what way? Choux makes a good point.
Do you notice whether he talks differently when he's talking amongst a group of friends as opposed to when he's only talking to you?
How much weight can you really put on others saying he has a very strong libido.
I also question the circumstances in which his ex wife talks to you.

[yerba_mate]

He fully admits he's had a major drop in libido since being with me.
He says he doesn't fully understand it, either. He says he likes the change because always obsessing over sex made him miserable. Now he can take it or leave it.
I would like to think it is because he isn't using sex in place of love and affection.
I would have to say my biggest insecurity with it would be centered around the fact that his ex is much more attractive than me. I'm older, a little overweight whereas he is pretty good looking.
That and I am the main breadwinner. I pay for most everything as he doesn't make much money.
Perhaps its also wrapped with the feeling of being a "sugar momma"

[hollylovesbrandon]

Well, that's all well and good. Maybe he's just maturing and realizing that having sex all hours of the day is not as important as it was when he was in his 20's. And maybe he's thinking that you already take care of him, why does he have to do anything at all!

[smoothy]

He has issues... Hell, I'm in my mid 40's and if my wife doesn't get it nearly every day she wants to know what's wrong.

I suggest he see both a Dr. and if there is no medical problem he needs to see a psychologist. At 31 that low drive just isn't normal. If he was 71 that might be different.

[2personal]

Maybe he finds sex with you boring, and can't be assed with it... sorry if this sounds mean, but it is an option.

[yerba_mate]

Well we spoke with the medical dr...

Turns out its related to the anti-depressants he started before he met me.

So they are taking him off zoloft and trying buspar

Hopefully it helps!!