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nymphetamine · Jan 9, 2006, 09:00 PM

I dated this guy back in the day. I really liked him and then he acted like a jerk to me. He broke up with me to go out with some girl he had been trying to get with for a while. Well everyonce in awhile he calls here to find out how Im doing. He keeps bringing up taking me out to dinner, and taking me to pick out a ring, and saying" when we get married..." and sex stuff. I don't want to marry him and I don't want to have sex with him. He is ugly inside. The thought of him being near me makes me physically sick. I did not tell him that but I did tell him I don't know how many times I willl never marry him. The other day he called to find out if I had gotten his card. He brought up marriage and when I told him" I do not love you. I will be your friend if you want, but please dont bring up the marriage. It will not happen." He just snickered. He had told me on a few occasions that we would either have to get married or I would have to be his mistress cause he could never imagine not having me in his bed and that it didn't matter how much he loved his wife she would just have to deal with it. Who would want to be with someone who talks in such a way? Maybe Im being too nice to him. Any suggestions on getting him to get the darned picture?

confused25 · Jan 9, 2006, 09:04 PM

I think you need to be as honest as you can. Even it means being harsh. Tell him you don't want him to call anymore. You want nothing to do with him. Seriously from what your saying he sounds like he can be potentially dangerous.

nymphetamine · Jan 9, 2006, 09:27 PM

I believe you are right. I have a hard time with it though. I have wanted to say these things to him before but I can't make myself do it. I get scared and I panic.

confused25 · Jan 9, 2006, 09:35 PM

You need to tell him soon. Just tell him over the phone or in an e-mail. If he reacts unreasonably tell him you are going to call the police if he doesn't leave you alone. If he bugs you again then call the authorities and get a restraining order. I know it sounds like too much to deal with, but this can become serious and you need to protect yourself. Things like this need to be taken very seriously.

JoeCanada76 · Jan 9, 2006, 09:53 PM

Hello,

I know you maybe trying to spare feelings or other things? He is talking to you like you have something going on and in his mind there is something between you. Have you given him any reason to feel this way? I would say set him straight. No more marriage talk, no more sex talk, no more of any talk, no more dinner talk, no more ring talk. Let him know that you are not comfortable with the way he talks and that you do not want to be with him ever. You do not mind being friends with him but that behaviour needs to stop. If telling him the truth, letting him know how you feel does not work then Maybe you will have to take it to the next step. Go as far as saying you do not want to talk to him anymore. Enough is enough.
What do you think? May sound rash or tough but you said that just the thought of certain things makes you sick. Maybe you should tell him that. The only thing I would be afraid of is him going off the deep end and harassing you or even stalking you.

Joe

CaptainForest · Jan 9, 2006, 10:00 PM

If he is ugly on the inside, why do you even want to be his friend?

If you are having troubles approching him by yourself, bring a friend along to give you moral support when you tell him. That might make it a bit easier for you.

nymphetamine · Jan 9, 2006, 10:36 PM

He helped me in a bad time once before he decided to become a jerkwad. I really don't call him. I called him once to check on his mama because she had had an injury getting out of her car and she is a very sweet lady. When we had first started dating he was not confident of himself. He has a big scar from a surgery he had but I did not care about that. I always told him how handsome he was and I was affectionate towards him. His confidence seemed to grow from that which was great but then he turned into a big meanie. He had been married before and they got divorced because she would not sleep with him anymore and then later he was engaged to a virgin who broke up with him and broke his heart. She was very cruel to him. I guess he remembers I was kind to him.

JoeCanada76 · Jan 9, 2006, 10:48 PM

I am not saying do not be kind, but you do need to let him know how you feel and if he truly cares for you, he will back off. People change sometimes. I just hope that everything works out. Telling the truth may seem unkind but it is better in the long run.

jeffatl · Jan 10, 2006, 12:44 AM

Forget being nice, a lot of guys don't get it when women are nice about letting them down. You have tried that obviously, and its not hitting home with him. I would tell this guy to buzz off. I know it will suck for you, but in the long run it will make things a lot easier for the both of you. A lot of guys don't get the picture, or just refuse to recognize it all together. I say just lay it out plain and simple for him. :mad: :p

fredg · Jan 10, 2006, 05:32 AM

Hi,
If you don't want to call him, and politely tell him to stop calling you, then I would do either of the following:
1. When he calls, if you know it's he, using Caller ID or whatever, don't answer the phone.
2. If he calls, and you do answer the phone, just simply hang up. It's rude, but maybe he will eventually get the message.
At any rate, if you don't call him and tell him to stop bothering you, then don't talk with him at all; about his mother, or anything!

DJ 'H' · Jan 10, 2006, 06:52 AM

Seriously - the next time he calls - just tell him straight that he is deluding himself and that you don't want anything to do with him anymore.

If you have caller ID and he phones again just don't pick up the phone to him ever again. If you don't have caller ID and you answer then do as Fredg suggested, hang up. If necessary get your number changed. This guy is just being a menice and it sounds like he thoroughly enjoys winding you up!

Wildcat21 · Jan 10, 2006, 09:16 AM

Qyuit answering the phone, Quit hanging out with him. Tell him you're busy - he will get it.

BUT, it sounds lie you may want more IF he passes your tests.

confused25 · Jan 10, 2006, 09:59 AM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Qyuit answering the phone, Quit hanging out with him. Tell him you're busy - he will get it.

BUT, it sounds lie you may want more IF he passes your tests.

I mean no disrespect WildCat but I think you have a distorted image of what women want.

DJ 'H' · Jan 10, 2006, 10:04 AM

I think crankie is a little weary of him and what he might do - if she wanted more from him she would have come right out and said so. Crankie is a very honest person and always tells things how they are. I don't think she would be asking us this question if she wanted more from the guy.

Wildcat; your womenometer is not working so well today!! Lol

Wildcat21 · Jan 10, 2006, 10:47 AM

Nope. I don't.

nymphetamine · Jan 10, 2006, 11:14 AM

Dear, darling wildcat. You may want to go back and read my post. I did not break up with him any way. He broke up with me to pursue someone else. I am not physically or sexually attracted to him or even mentally attracted to him so there's no point in a relationship. I do not hang out with him ever. I probably should get a caller id though. I am not testing him. There is nothing to test. You know what wildcat?? Yes, I want the darned pedestal!! That's riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight I said the darned pedestal!! I don't want him though. I loved a man along time ago. He always gave me the space I needed and didn't baby me. When we were together he treated me like a queen and placed me above everyone else. I appreciated the space he gave me but I loved the queen treatment even more. I love the pedestal!! Give me the pedestal!!

Wildcat21 · Jan 10, 2006, 12:04 PM

Of course. I read all that.

You still give this guy a lot of attention. Why??

Did I say anythig about a Pedestal? Nope. You don't want that. And if he gace you the sapce he knew what he was doing - that's not pedestal.

I am sure you want a needy, clingy guy, who calls you 5 times a day, pays for everything, always agreeable, never puts you in your place, worships you. Yeah, that's it.

nymphetamine · Jan 10, 2006, 12:19 PM

Wildcat you are a dumbbutt. The guy who keeps calling me is not the one I was referring to who gave me the space that I was talking about. READ MY WORDS VERY CAREFULLY!! I do not ever call him. I do not ever hang out with him. You don't know a darned thing about women. No I do not want a needy clingy guy that pays for everything. Women do not want all the stuff that you said. Women don't want to be smothered no but we do like attention. Most of the time women have affairs or dump men is not always because of clingyness but because the man doesn't give the attention needed. Get over what ever woman screwed you over and stop thinking you know everything about women. You mention pedestals all the time in your posts. Yes I do want a pedestal. Don't tell me how I feel.

confused25 · Jan 10, 2006, 12:21 PM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Of course. I read all that.

You still give this guy a lot of attention. Why?????

Did I say anythig about a Pedestal? Nope. You don't want that. And if he gace you the sapce he knew what he was doing - that's not pedestal.

I am sure you want a needy, clingy guy, who calls you 5 times a day, pays for everything, always agreeable, never puts you in your place, worships you. Yeah, that's it.

A guy who calls 5 times a day is not clingy, he has some serious problems.

Wildcat21 · Jan 10, 2006, 01:13 PM

Hahaha! You don't read my posts - I know who you're talking.

Thanks for the rip. Read my post again - I know who you're talking. You're the one not reading.