[youtooqt]

My back is full of scars and my ex-bf used to look at it and ask whether I could get surgery to get rid of them and his comments always upset me terribly. I have a new boyfriend now that has felt my back but has never seen it and always says how lovely it is and how soft it feels and how warm I feel--he says the same thing about my body. I am not a skinny minnie, but I am an avergae size 8 and just like my back, my ex-bf used to say I needed to lose more weight and tone up while my new boyfriend tells me he loves my body. I don't know if this makes a difference, but I had a sexual relationship with my ex and he saw me naked and really saw how I looked like truthfuly while in my new relationship we've both agreed to be celibate---I feel like my new boyfriend doesn't know the truth about my body and how unappealing it really is--am I lying to him? Should I tell him the truth about it? He always tells me he loves it, but I know his opinion would change if he actually saw it--should I actually show him my back or tell him about this? Am I being too hard on myself? Should I show him even though he thinks I am beautiful and destroy his good idea of me? Do you think it would be beneficial to our relationship?thanks you very much

[Fr_Chuck]

Beauty is not really the looks, but the emotions and the love. If some jerk is verbally and emotionally abusive because of looks, it is their problem and not all people are like that.

As you start to get emotionally close, you perhaps show tell him so he understands. And honestly if he really loves you, it will not make a bit of difference. The girl with the scar on he face that can be seen will also find and have a love of her life, only a fool is only concerned on looks.

[letmeno]

Love, it sounds as if you have been robbed of yourself esteem. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I have seen some really lovely women who are nice to look at but the second that they open there mouths and show their personality, they turn into the most ugly people in the world. If you feel comfortable enough to tell your new boyfriend about the scars on your back, then by all means do what is comfortable to you, when it is comfortable for you to be able to do so. From the way that you describe him he sounds as if he is a warm, wonderful, gentle, kind and accepting individual. The fact that he has agreed to remain celibate speaks volumes about his character. I do indeed think that you are being too hard on yourself. He sounds like a winner and I think that you should give it a chance.
The best of Luck

[s_cianci]

You'll probably get a lot of the usual philosophical responses like "your body shouldn't matter if he truly loves you." While that is true, it doesn't necessarily keep one from feeling self-concious. You don't provide a lot of details regarding the scars on your back. Are these scars confined to your back only? Is it the result of a treatable medical condition such as acne or rosacea? Keep in mind that the back is probably one of the least looked at parts of one's body. Furthermore, when being sexually intimate in the "missionary position", your partner will never see your back. Your best bet is probably to explain to your loved one as frankly as your own knowledge permits about the scars on your back, what they're the result of and assure him that they're not contagious. I know that last part may sound silly but a lot of people worry about things like that, as irrational as it may be. As long as the condition causing these scars isn't something that's threatening to health or life I wouldn't obsess about seeking medical tratment or anything like that.

[nymphetamine]

There are always people in this world who want to bring you down. The man you are with I think he will be good to you. Keep us posted.

[JoeCanada76]

You are with somebody that loves you so much. He says that you are a beautiful person. He may have not seen your scars but I would think that if he truly loves you that he will still tell you that he thinks your still beautiful even with the physical scars on your back. I would be open with him and tell him how you feel and open up to him and be honest. Communication is the key. Now on the flip side of things if he reacts negatively to it or does not except it he is not the right person to be with. People who love each other unconditionally will except each other and love the person for their heart and soul.

Joe