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greatone1987 · Jan 20, 2008, 04:22 PM

I am 20 and I have a friend who is 33. We both like each other as friends but she has admitted she wants me as more. She is very attractive but I have doubts

Age is no problem for us but I even have to say the gap is large. I am worried that she might feel bad after it. Also that her friends would talk about her.

So I just need a bit of guidance

Fr_Chuck · Jan 20, 2008, 04:28 PM

I see no reason to doom you to hell for dating someone 13 more years older than you.

And will people talk about you, of course, will her friends joke about her robbing the cradle , of course they will, will your friends joke with you and hand you AARP cards and things like that, of course.

I married a girl over 10 years younger, and I get the jokes on a trophy wife and all of that, But that is just part of it.

In the end, if you have doubts, wait till you don't have doubts.

danfie · Jan 20, 2008, 04:28 PM

You both are adults and if age is not a problem then I personaly do not see any thing wrong.

N0help4u · Jan 20, 2008, 04:49 PM

You could tell her you want to give it more time until you know each other better and sure about things.
Don't let age bother you. Nowadays it is so hard to find a good relationship that when you find one you should hang on to it and make it work.

Xrayman · Jan 20, 2008, 05:02 PM

Can't see the problem myself-her friends should not rule her life, or yours-move on enjoy your time together

Homegirl 50 · Jan 20, 2008, 05:10 PM

Originally Posted by greatone1987

I am 20 and I have a friend who is 33. We both like each other as friends but she has admitted she wants me as more. She is very attractive but I have doubts

Age is no problem for us but I even have to say the gap is large. I am worried that she might feel bad after it. Also that her friends would talk about her.

So I just need a bit of guidance

I'm thinking it is bothering you, if you have doubts, then don't do it. You are just now coming into adulthood and she has been there a while. Personally, I can't imagine what a 33 year old woman sees in a guy your age except maybe sex. But that's just me. Take your time. Don't do anything you are not comfortable with.

twinkiedooter · Jan 20, 2008, 07:55 PM

Age does matter in the end. Right now it's all rose colored glasses, but once you two do get it on and possibly get serious, things are going to change big time. You are too young for her to be anything other than a friend. A few years difference OK, but 13 years are too much seeing as you are just starting and she's been around the block a few times.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 20, 2008, 08:41 PM

Well as I said, there will be those that will think she is robbing the cradle, but in any relastionship if you really work at it, or course can work.
It has to do with shared interest and mutual respect.

Age has little to do with making a relastionship work, it is the commitment of each party to actually work at the relationship.

And in reality, with the women being older, it actually works out fairly well, since over all they have a longer life, so it could mean a older life together more evenly matched.

I would say that those that compain at 13 years at 20 and 33 would not if that was 35 and 48 where everyone has been around the block and back a few times.

In the end, if you both truly care for each other and if you both will work hard to make it work, it can work.

The reaso for our high divorce rate is more for the reason of lack of respect of each other and not being committed to workingit out.

Choux · Jan 21, 2008, 02:41 PM

I think that the older woman and younger man is an *excellent sexual pairing*,was my favorite in my younger days, but depending on your maturity, you could be a couple of years too young for this kind of situation. [The media keeps saying that young people grow up later... as in 26 is the new 18, and so on... I don't know if they are correct]

Consider, just because someone wants to have sex with you doesn't mean you have to hop into bed with every Tom, or Harriet. You don't have any real future with a woman this much older than you are, but on the other hand, you could have some excellent times with her depending...

Life is about choosing what to do... some choices are going to be good and some are not going to be so good... but,

Best wishes to you

N0help4u · Jan 21, 2008, 03:15 PM

I agree with Choux. Many 20 year olds grow up to realize they no longer are "In love" with the one you once were "In love" with and
A. mostly girls have a desire to be free again 'to go find myself'
B. mostly guys end up not being mature enough to *keep up* with the girl
They want to go hang out with the guys instead of doing things as a couple

If these two things aren't the case go for it!

supriya _82 · Jan 21, 2008, 08:09 PM

Your initial question was "IS IT MORALLY WRONG?" As for as morality goes since you are not committed to anyone else, nor related it is not morally wrong. As for it being wrong in the practical sense - you are an adult and can decide for yourself. But the very fact that you are having doubts should give you a clue!!

Homegirl 50 · Jan 21, 2008, 08:15 PM

It is not the morality or legality of it. You feel uncomfortable about it, and if you do, you should not pursue it at this point in time.

smoothy · Jan 22, 2008, 06:58 AM

There is a very real generation gap. Eventually She won't be fitting in with the crowd you feel comfortable with. Plus at 20 you really do not know what you want yet, (you only think you do) while she has already been through that stage of life.