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spadenavy · Jan 19, 2008, 01:40 AM

I am a 20 year old male and have been with my girlfriend for only a few months recently. Long story short is we were together for a year before we broke things off almost a year ago. During that year we had sex multiple times a week, but would never orgasm. I tried different positions, scenes, settings, toys, role playing, and such... but it just didn't happen. At the time it didn't bother me because she had never had an orgasm in her life. After we broke things off she went off with other guys and that was that. As a couple months ago we got back together and things were better. But still I could not get her to orgasm which irritated me but did not come between us. 3 weeks ago I found out that while we were apart 1 guy made her orgasm. According to her it wasn't just once either. She had multiple orgasms. I also found out they had sex numerous other times and she still had multiple orgasms with him. She claims that we did the same things and measured up to each other.

So to my question then is what would cause the difference in her for him to be able to make her orgasm and I cant? She claims she's a lot more physical with me and closer to me. Yet it doesn't make since for me... could there be something blocking her mentally from having an orgasm with me?

Also I have an even larger situation at hand now. Since I found out about her orgasms I have been too afraid to have intercourse with her because I don't add up to her last partner and I can't get her to orgasm. We have not had sex since I found out. I'm also afraid that she will lose interest in me if I can't get her to orgasm. I know sex does not build a relationship, but it can help it. I don't want to lose her due to it. What can I do to get myself secure and back on the saddle? I'm embarrassed to even have foreplay because I know another guy has pleased her immensely and I cant. What can I do to make her orgasm?

Any advice would be amazing. I leave for boot camp in 3 months and she wants to stay with me but I'm afraid ill lose her if I don't step up. If all goes well while I'm at boot camp when I graduate I want to ask her to marry me, and I want to make sure ill be able to please her.

Thank you for reading this and your response to it,
-spade-

BBWfromPhilly · Jan 19, 2008, 06:12 AM

First things first, don't get uptight about this situation. If you are frustrated you are not having fun. Relax. Second, women are emotional beings. They react sexually first through emotions. It may have more to do about what is happening before you get to business. Foreplay is very important, and it's not all physical... it's also mental. Making sure she is relaxed, totally focused on YOU, and having fun will go a long way to getting things started.

Then instead of beginning physical foreplay with sexual techniques, try giving her an exploratory massage... meaning give her a whole body massage and during the massage touch, tickle, and rub sensitive areas that might get her turned on. Once she shows signs of arousal, you can then move on to physical sexual stimulation.

Choux · Jan 19, 2008, 02:10 PM

Perhaps, she picks up the flavor of your lovemaking being a contest!?
You vs. the other guy? :)

You didn't say how old she is, but I would guess she is young and more interested in the social ramifications and cuddle factor in male/female relationships than in developing and expression any passion she might have. BTW, having orgasms is the female's responsibility, not her lover's responsibility. Orgasms are initiated in the female's brain; females have to develop their passion.

Good Luck in the Military!

spadenavy · Jan 19, 2008, 03:51 PM

Originally Posted by BBWfromPhilly

Then instead of beginning physical foreplay with sexual techniques, try giving her an exploratory massage...meaning give her a whole body massage and during the massage touch, tickle, and rub sensitive areas that might get her turned on. Once she shows signs of arousal, you can then move on to physical sexual stimulation.

See I have tried that with her before and yes it gave her a dif stimuation and she reacted dif. To it but still no reaction that I was hoping for. It did make for a good time. It just frustrates me to not be able to please her like she does to me or the way she deserves to be taken care of.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 19, 2008, 04:03 PM

WE can never really live up to a memory, if you start judgeing yourself, just leave her now, you have to only think about the next time, not her or your last time.

Next she is there, and has to be telling you what feels the best and what she likes, does she get off by herself, let her show you how and what she wants.

simoneaugie · Jan 20, 2008, 11:18 AM

The memory she has of the other guy is a positive. She learned what works. Ask her to direct you. She can tell you what she likes without bringing him into it. True, the female orgasm originates in her own brain but who she is with is definitely part of the experience. She is back with you. She probably wants very badly to try things with you. Quit comparing yourself to another person.

Each person smells, tastes, sounds and feels different. There is only one you. That's who she is with. Go for it.

Some women need the guy to continue doing what feels good for 40 minutes or so. Can you hold back that long? Practice. You have an admirable mindset. I'd marry you, you're awesome. The other guy is not around, she wants to do it with you!