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DJ 'H' · Jan 9, 2006, 03:12 AM

Ok - this is a really delicate subject which I need to help my boyfriend with - but I am not sure how to.

My boyfriend is having problems when it comes to sex - and he is unable to actually go all the way. The foreplay is great - but for some reason he cannot actually go any further. I am not exactly sure what is going on down below and all he has said is that he needs me to help him with his problem.

He either cannot get his penus errect enough or he just cums to early on.

He says this happens an awful lot and I really want to help him past this. But I have never had this problem before and I really don't know how to help him. What can I do? Or what does he need to do? Does anyone relate to this??

JoeCanada76 · Jan 9, 2006, 03:39 AM

First of all,

I would like to say I hope you had a really good holiday. I hope everything worked out for you. Tried sending you a message but could not.

About your boyfriends problem, I can not relate. How can you help him. The only thing I can say is try to be supportive and understanding.

Has he talked to you about exactly what the problem is because it sounds to me that you are not even sure of what his problem is?

Best thing to suggest even though it could be embarrassing is talking with a doctor(Family Doctor)? This is up to you to suggest if you did not already.

One problem I just thought of is stress could be a factor for some men. Stress can cause men to not perform as well.

Hope this helps a little and always try to be supportive. Oh, another thing to remember is that you are so much luckier then some women. You siad that it is very good foreplay. Some or a lot of women do not get much of that from their partner.

Joe

DJ 'H' · Jan 9, 2006, 04:22 AM

Happy New Year to you Jesushelper. Christmas was great - My boyfriends mum asked me to spend Christmas with them - it was really lovely.

Going back to my problem - I have always had quiote a high sex drive - but if I am honest it has not really bothered me (about Pete) because I feel so much for him and he means so much more to me - being with him is not about the sex - but it is something that obviously we both will want at some point (even though it's not that important) and the fact he has asked for my help proves that it is important to him. He asked me for my help - but I really don't have a clue. I know I need to ask him nwhat is happening both down there and also what is going on in his head at the time this is ahppening? It's just very difficult and I don't want him to feel like less of man. I can see how frustrated and upset he is about it. It was stupid O clock in the morning, so I was half asleep. I started drifting off when he nudged me and said "I need you to help me with my little problem" - so I asked him "has this happended before" he just nodded a yes. So I just replied "Don't worry - I will help you, everything will be ok - but for now try and get some sleep" and then gave a him a kiss and cuddled him tightly. - I really do want to help him - it's just awkward approaching the sunject - it such a delicate matter.

JoeCanada76 · Jan 9, 2006, 04:31 AM

Happy New Year to you as well. I knew everything would work out for you at Christmas time. Happy to hear you had a really good time.

I am not sure what else to say about Pete. Maybe wait until he mentions it again or eventually he will open up to you again. You can help more just by listening to him and being supportive. I know it is a very delicate situation but when two people feel connected like you, I see a good outcome. Communication is the key, in my belief. You said you would help him now just be by his side like you are. I know it might just be a simple answer but like I said I do not have much experience in the situation. Wish I could help more.

fredg · Jan 9, 2006, 05:03 AM

Hi,
I have never had this problem, thank goodness!
But, I do agree with seeing a doctor. There isn't any subtle way to bring it up... just do it. Talk with him about seeing a doctor and get some Professional advice.
Best of luck.

DJ 'H' · Jan 9, 2006, 05:27 AM

Thnaks for your help Jesushelper & Fredg.

I have just been reading some articles on the net - trying to get an understanding of what might be happening. It has opened up a whole new world for me and is proving to be more common than I realised.

It says a cause could be that it has happened to them once before so it is now repeating itself because the man is putting too much pressure on himself to perform. It says what the man needs to do is disengage from the bad experience he has had before and just go for it.

Another thing was that it could be fear - the man may have been taught to have a certain outlook on sex and may fear he should not be doing it; may not like the thought of getting caught whilst peforming etc.

So they say it is all in the mind - what do you think? I think it could very well be wahts happening.

fredg · Jan 9, 2006, 05:41 AM

Hi,
Your research has brough up some very good points; which are all probably true. Question is; how to overcome them.
That's why I think talking with a doctor, with Professiona opinions, can help him. The doc may have some good ideas of how to overcome past feelings.

excon · Jan 9, 2006, 06:08 AM

Hello DJ:

You keep talking about "down there". Have you been down there to check out the action? Maybe with your hand, you could harden him up. Have you ever used your mouth?

If you did, you could use a technique I've read about - at least for pre-mature ejaculation. (By the way, he could have a physical problem with his erection, rather than a psychological one. If that's the case, medication will handle that.)

However, back to the premature stuff. With his penis in your mouth, you can tell when he's about to . When he's approaching it, STOP and squeeze his penis to stop the orgasam. Not too hard, just enough to get his attention. This will take some work and some time, but he'll learn to control himself.

And, good for him for asking your help.

excon

DJ 'H' · Jan 9, 2006, 06:18 AM

Thanks Excon - but I am quite experienced - and I we have done all of that - that's why it is so hard for him and why it is such a delaicate situation.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 9, 2006, 06:19 AM

Many factors, blood pressure, fatigue, ( use of some recreational drugs), stress, worry, medications from the doctor and being nervous can all cause these types of problems ** along with some old age but I guess that is not a factor for him right now.

Next there are some medical problems that can cause this and these should be looked into also.

A good medical exam is always a good idea. Also they have several medications out now that can help with male performance, they do work wonders on a lot of people.

But often a couple of bad performaces can make the man feel unsure about hisself and only make it get worst, the harder he tries the more he worries and so on.

And of course as a minister I should add that one should only have sex in a long term relationship and even better when married.

DJ 'H' · Jan 9, 2006, 06:47 AM

FR Chuck - we are in a long-term relationship - a very happy one!

PrettyLady · Jan 10, 2006, 12:08 AM

Hey, DJ. Sorry to hear about this. Most erection problems are due to a combination of blood vessel, nerve, and physical or psychological factors. Some men experience difficulty achieving and/or maintaining the relaxation they need to get and stay erect. For most men it only happens sometimes. For others it happens quite often. Try to get him to relax and use your hands to turn him on enough to get an erection. If you've tried everything and the problem still persist. Your next alternative is that you and your boyfriend go see a sex therapist. Sex therapists specialize in sex problems, and they may be able to help you and your boyfriend resolve the problem.