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daughter · Jan 16, 2008, 05:53 PM

In summary, I miss my parents, but don't feel it recripricated from my mom... if anyone has some advice rather than criticism I would love to hear it. I have read many posts on here of mothers missing their relationship with their daughters... my situation is just the reverse. For the mothers out there with multiple children, how do I go about asking my mother for one on one time? I love my nieces and nephews and visit them everyday, but I would like to make the drive to my parents without being requested to bring them every time, how do I express this without stepping on anyone's toes?

twinkiedooter · Jan 16, 2008, 07:00 PM

You are grown up and in college. The days of you being a little kid are over. Face it. You need to start interacting with your sister and her children. They are not your enemies nor are they vying for your parent's undivided attention. They are your relatives. You feel slighted as your parents are paying attention to them and not to you. Why? You need to start enjoying your family again and stop whining that no one pays any attention to you! You must have been a spoiled brat when you were younger from the way you sound now or you are just too insecure as a person. Your mom loves you and all you need to do is just visit her or call her as she would be thrilled to talk to you. It's not like you live 5,000 miles away. You are just a block away. Hoof it over to their house for a chat.

daughter · Jan 16, 2008, 07:22 PM

I live a few hours away actually, and I call my mom everyday... sounds like you must have a wonderful relationship with your family though hope you enjoy it. By the way I visit my sister almost on a daily basis, so Im not sure what else I can do in that area.

Emland · Jan 16, 2008, 07:38 PM

Just tell your sister you would like to have some one on one time with your mother. I hope your sister isn't imposing on you and expecting you to take her kids every time you go. If she is doing that, just explain to her politely that you just can't do it all the time. Sometimes we tend to take our siblings for granted and unless you speak up you sister may not be aware she is being rude.

daughter · Jan 16, 2008, 07:44 PM

Emland, I think that is part of it... we are a very close knit family... my sister hates driving freeway traffic, so unless I take the kids they don't go (unless it's a holiday)... anyways thank you for the advice I think I might talk to her... of course I love her children and don't mind taking them sometimes, just not evertime...

Fr_Chuck · Jan 16, 2008, 08:08 PM

Often the best advice is the advice we don't like or want to hear.

Whlie you may not like the advice of some of the posters, they do offer good ideas and another point of view.

lacuran8626 · Jan 29, 2008, 03:46 PM

Just say, "Mom, I want to spend some time alone with you like we used to do. I'll bring the kids next time." Let her know that you miss the old days and are going to be selfish with her once in a while because you aren't always willing to share her.

Laticha4 · Jan 29, 2008, 03:55 PM

I understand you totally. Not that you are trying to compete, but who can compete for attention with little kids. They are attention hogs by nature! And there is nothing wrong with wanting to spend one on one time with your mom. The greatest relationships in the world are between mothers and daughters. There are conversations and feelings to be shared that are much too intimate to be yelled over the sound of little ones scurrying about. :p I am very close to my mom and we live about an hour apart. We talk on the phone often, but I have a busy schedule so I only see her maybe once a month. I would suggest planning outings together that kids are not allowed to go to. Like go get your hair or nails done together, visit a spa, and go shopping and have lunch afterwards. What does she enjoy doing? Find some womes' clubs in your area that involve things you both enjoy like bookclubs, bowling, knitting, etc.

Synnen · Jan 29, 2008, 04:05 PM

I've felt that distance from my mom, too. My sister has FIVE kids, and it seems every time I see my mom, they're there too. Not that I don't love them, but it feels like I constantly take second place to my sister and her kids. Because I don't have kids, it feels like I get treated like a second-class citizen, and that I'm being selfish if I don't do something to help them all out.

I finally put my foot down and told my mom that I was done. I was done trying to compete, and if she wanted to see ME, she could try to fit into MY calendar.

With you, it sounds as though just talking to your sister might help--or just don't tell her you're going over to your mom's, and just GO!

Good luck!

Beniasky · Nov 22, 2009, 07:54 PM

I agree with lacuran8626 just tell your mom how you feel and that you would like to spend time with her. When my sister had her first daughter I didn't the little time I use to spend with her and now that I live 1000 miles away from my family when I do go and visit they always want to see my kids. I've had to ask to spend time with my mom or grandma without the kids. I informed them that it was nice to have the family together but we're only down once a year if that and that we're only here for a few days. So why not have one family member take the kids while me and either my grandmother or my mom get together for even a few hrs would be great. They understood and even loved the one on one time with the kids without me around. I got what I wanted and so did they. She'll understand and love you for being honest with her.

Jake2008 · Nov 23, 2009, 08:50 PM

My mother in law was a living angel. She was so good hearted and energetic and fun with the kids when they were little. But, I realized along the way, that she would probably like some one on one time with her son, just the two of them.

What I did was arrange with my husband when they visited, to take his mom out to lunch. Just a couple of hours together. She would never have asked to spend time with him, and I'm so glad that lightbulb went off in my head. She is gone now, and I miss her every single day.

I see nothing wrong with you making arrangements with just your mom, for one on one time. I would think that your sister would completely understand, and you could consequently suggest that the next time she comes with the kids, that you will sit the kids, while she has some one on one time with mom too.

Life gets so busy and complicated with kids; before you know it another day has gone by and you haven't exchanged a single adult sentence with another grownup.

I see this as good for you, good for your mom, good for your sister. Both of you should have an opportunity to have a small pittance of time with your mom. You may regret not doing this. Life is short, and I suspect that making the effort now, will provide precious memories later on in your life.