[mred]

Being a doctor wasn't really my dream but a choice that I had to make to fulfill my parents' dreams. As I waded through large volumes of medical books and survived the ordeals of each sleepless duty, I learned to love the profession, my friends, and my patients. Somehow I knew then that I should be thankful that my parents put me through medical school.

Little did I know that the biggest nightmare of my medical career was just about to come. Halfway through medical internship, I contracted a neurologic illness that nearly shattered all my dreams of becoming a doctor. I might have physically recovered from the illness in six weeks but I remained emotionally and socially tortured when I got back to my clinical duties. I continued to lag behind my peers and lose interest in any clinical work. I guess being competitive ever since I was a child did not become healthy after all.

I had a relapse of my illness and was cleared by my neurologist to take the medical licensure examination at a time later than my peers. After passing the examinations, I juggled through jobs as medical reviewer and medical lecturer, which up to this day are the positions I'm still holding. My superiors, peers, and students ask me why I ain't practicing medicine. I always reply that it will be very soon. Until now, I haven't applied to any residency training. At the back of my mind, I have apprehensions that I might not be a good medical practitioner. I haven't been training in two years and I fear that I might not be able to remember the skills I barely acquired in medical school. How do I overcome this fear? How do I learn to love the medical profession again as I used to?

[vingogly]

There are plenty of careers in medical fields that are non-clinical. Being a medical reviewer and medical lecturer are two examples. Also, there's the health care administration field - hospital executives are paid well, and have important & responsible positions. Most of what I see in your question relates to what you don't like about the profession: you say you love it, what *do* you love about it? Sounds like it's something other than clinical work... the people contact? Teaching/mentoring? Research? Administration & management? Maybe you could think outside the box of purely clinical work and see what other sorts of roles you could play in the medical profession.