[beth911]

Well, my uncle was shot to death a couple days ago. He's only my uncle because he married my aunt. Although they lived less than a mile away I never saw them much and my family seems to think very little of him. However, I always wished I could get to know my aunt and uncle better. I don't know why people don't like him. I haven't been around them enbough to know. Anyway, should I be sad about it? I know the story itself is sad because its hard to imagine the pain that his wife and his 2 young doughters (both under age 12) are going through and it was one of the daughters birthday.

[twinkiedooter]

How sad for the daughter having this happen on her birthday. If you want to go see your aunt and talk with her. Showing her you care right now would make a big difference in her life.

[beth911]

I want to but I don't even know her. I knew something happened with my uncle and I figured he just got arrested again or something... but I asked my mom what happened and she said "clark was killed" I almost had to ask who he was. I planned on visiting them more when I got my license but I didn't get it in time. My dad doesn't even want to go to the funeral. He just says the worlds better off without him in it. So I don't want to show my parents that I care because then they might not like me either.

[cerisa]

Your parents are right to want to keep you away from trouble. Not all family are people good to be in your life. Maybe that is the case here.
It is sad for your Aunt and your Cousins. but if you don't even really know them, all you are feeling is curious and excited to be almost close to something so interesting.
Kind of like standing around watching a house burn, unless it is your house.
Pay attention to what your parents ask of you,They know the reasons not to be involved. Ask if you can send a card or note expressing your sorrow for their loss.

[lacuran8626]

There are three feelings people often have when this kind of thing happens. You might feel your own sadness and feeilngs of loss - as you would if you had been close to him and felt the loss in your own life. You might have sympathy for someone in that you feel sorry for them, and you might feel empathy - that's when you can imagine to some degree what it feels like to them, and have a sense of what that would be like if it happened to you.

I think you feel sympathy and empathy which is appropriate. You have acknowledged that you feel badly for his daughters, for example, and understand how hard it must be for a girl to loose her dad so violently on her birthday.


For you to feel a personal loss though - don't expect to feel that if you weren't close with him. It's not wrong for you to maybe just not feel particularly emotional about it yourself because you aren't the one who experienced the loss.

You care enough about the situation to have given it a lot of thought, and you clearly know this is a serious and hurtful event in your family. You probably don't know what was bad about your uncle, if anything, because your parents didn't want to expose you to the negative aspects of his life. Perhaps you can forgive him and pray for him and his daughters, treat them kindly, and know that your feelings are perfectly fine and normal.

[peggyhill]

That is so sad, especially since it happened on the poor girl's birthday. Are you under 18? Then I would ask if it would be OK to send a card expressing your sympathy to your aunt and her daughters. Perhaps your parents are trying to protect you by not telling you the details. If you are an adult, then of course, it is up to you what you do. If you wish to go to the funeral, then if your parents get angry, explain that you went to support your aunt and cousins. It's normal to be sad when something tragic happens. Even if he was a bad person, it is still sad for a life to end like that, on a daughter's birthday.