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IS there any hope for this relationship ?
I have been with my boyfriend for 9 1/2 yrs. We have two children together. I have been with him since I was 18 yrs old. I know that I love him, I am not sure if I am still in love with him. There is just no spark there for me anymore. I do not want to leave him , I do not want anyone else, I never think about cheating or leaving him. I just don't know what to do . I feel like I am living with my friend. Is there any hope for us ? What can I / we do to bring the spark back, I want to fall back in love with him ,I am afraid there is nothing that I can do. I need someone's advice please!! :(
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Sometimes it is good to be "married" to your best friend. You hooked up with him when you were quite young. 18 is too young to get "married" or tie ones self down with a man in a permanent type relationship in a lot of people's cases as they have not fully grown up and experienced the world around them. So far it sounds like you two have been playing house and it has gone on too long now to be any fun any longer. Do you work? How does he feel about you? You sound like you need some activities or hobbies as you have become "stale".
Also, if you have not gotten married by now, what is the reason for that? The only advantage I can see is that if you want to just up and leave each other you can without a lot of necessary paperwork, hassle or money. The children are the only concerns you two would have to squabble about, i.e. child support payments and visitation. A lot of married people do not have the "spark" in their relationship either yet they still stay married. If you are looking for excitement, honey, the honeymoon has been over for quite sometime. Reality seems to be setting in on you now. |
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I do not want to break up. I do love him . I am a stay at home mother of two. He works,everyday . I really haven't told him I felt this way,he loves me,tells me how important I am to him everyday. I know he doesn't feel the way I do. We are starting to talk about marriage, and I do want to marry him. When I say there is no "spark" there, its like BLAH.. really. We act more like friends, I am not into holding hands and being all lovey dovey like he is.
We have been through a lot in the last few years and I know it only mad us stronger but we do argue A lot No, he hasn't cheated or anythimg, just little issues. I just don't know if this is how it is suppose to be after being with someone for so long. I thought that all those little feelings would still be there but they aren't. But on the other hand, I couldn't see myself without him ,I love him... but I want to fall back IN love with him... if that makes any sense. |
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Dear, you have a bad case of too much time on your hands to pick apart your present situation. Staying at home is great, but can lead a woman down the road that you are presently are on. It's called boredom with a capital "B". You need some other activities in your life to help you understand that what you have now is reality. Reality that your man loves you and actually wants to marry you now! What's so bad about that? Nothing that I can see.
May I suggest you sit down when you have some quiet time for yourself and make a list of "Things I have to be gratefu for" and see just HOW many things you actually have in your life now that other women would truly want. The fact that you say it's blah now, well, honey, for starters people change, things change. You can in fact fall back in love with him when you think of all the swell alternatives ahead of you should you decide to leave him (or if he leaves you). Heartache for years, pulling out your hair wondering how to pay bills, trying to be a single mom, having a boyfriend who punches out your lights on a regular basis or sends you to the hospital for a long stay, the possibilities are endless here but I think you get the idea Work on your list and then tell me how you feel, OK? You'll see that right now you ARE bored and nothing else and that you have a wonderful life. |
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