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Ceasefire · Jan 9, 2008, 08:00 PM

I'm 18, and I've honestly never kissed a girl. Sadly, I've only hugged and held hands only once or twice.

This is all partially due to my inexperience in relationships, as well as there not being much affection in my family. I've had 5 relationships to date, from 1st grade to the most recent in 9th grade, I am now a senior in high school.

Relationships as a senior have changed a lot since I was in 9th grade. I have no idea how to go about doing anything to make an intimate relationship work.

The reason why I am concerned about this, is that I've found a girl that I'm extremely attracted to.

I have a real problem with this whole "showing affection in a relationship" thing. I am currently not dating this girl, but I like her, and I know she likes me. I am afraid to move forward because I'm not quite sure how.

She doesn't seem to be the type that is very experienced in relationships either, so that may be my only saving grace.

To get to the long drawn out point... What should I do to initiate the relationship, and how do I keep it going in a boyfriend/girlfriend manner (I don't want it to turn into an affection-less friendship) ?

To explain myself, in 9th grade as well as previous years, it was as easy as literally saying "do you wanna go out?" referring to "do you want to be my boyfriend/girlfriend?" These days, it's considered dating, and I don't know how to start the relationship off, it's not a good idea to ask "do you wanna date?" I can assume.

After the relationship has essentially "started", what are some of the first things I should do to show affection, hold hands? Hug when prompted or necessary? *shudder* kiss?

Any suggestions, or personal experiences would be appreciated!

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For those of you who care to know my own thoughts on why I've gone this far without an intimate relationship, stick with me. I have been shy my whole life. This has saved me from bad trouble, but has kept me from experiences such as love. There is also not a lot of affection in my household, my parents have been divorced twice, my mother is an alcoholic, and she has moved out three times to date, now living back home with us after my parent's remarriage. To add to these issues, I have experienced depression and low self-esteem throughout my entire high school career, it wasn't until recently that I've begun to find joy in life. I had even contemplated living a single life. I have also learned to live in a comfort zone throughout all of that, so stretching that has been very difficult.

talaniman · Jan 9, 2008, 08:16 PM

I would suggest trying to get past the shyness, rather than starting a relationship with an underaged female. A much more mature, and older female would be better and start as friends until your comfortable. I cannot condone, such an experiment by you, on this underaged female. I hope you heed my words as you could be in trouble just for kissing a minor, and your inexpeience can hurt her emotionally. Do what's right, as your going about this all wrong.

terellowens · Jan 10, 2008, 04:06 AM

I thought the same when I was around 13 and I am very shy in front of girls I like but not girls in general if your shy with both then I can understand your troubles. And do as talaniman says but the 1st kiss will come naturally of course your going to have to take charge or your going to watch the cookie crumble for a lot longer!

JoeCanada76 · Jan 10, 2008, 04:12 AM

You can be 30 and never kissed a girl and it is okay.

Your still very very young and you still have lots of future ahead of you.

There is no need to rush into a relationship or try to get involved in somebody just to experience your firsts. Wrong reasons to get involved in somebody anyway.

As far as all your life experiances. Do not want to make it as it does not matter but in the scheme of things you're an adult. You can make your own decisions in life and you can mold your life in anyway you want. Need to also learn how to let go of past experiances. Sure you can learn from them but do not let them dictate your future experiances.

raggablue · Jan 10, 2008, 06:59 AM

Things don't just happen on their own, you need to be assertive. Get to know this girl really well and try and make as many female friends as you can, the internet is good but don't get stuck to it

Ceasefire · Jan 14, 2011, 06:14 AM

Coincidentally ended up back on these forums and was reading my old questions. Here's an update:

The girl I was referring to in this question is now my fianceé after just under 3 years of dating. Kind of funny how things work out.

talaniman · Jan 14, 2011, 06:39 AM

Welcome back, and glad you have such a good thing going. I hope you can clear up something though, as to the age of this female you are with, because for some reason (okay I presumed), I took your reference to her inexperience in relationships, as her being much younger than you, and may have done you a disservice in that regard, as to the advice I gave you. If that is the case I owe you an apology.

Are you both the same age?