[Romefalls19]

If you sound retarded then I'm right with you. I have been playing scenarios inside my head of things I would say or do if she calls.. Hell I write them down. I say don't pick up the first time she calls simply because you can take a minute and reflect and think about what to say to your ex. Because well, we are both guys. Since when do we ever say the right thing out of impulse.. thats right never... So lets sit back and think about it before we pick up that phone. She won't think you moved on if you miss one call. Don't wait a week to call back though ha ha

[aiyerrc]

If you don't say the first thing that comes to your mind, then she isn't worth getting back together with her. You shouldn't have to overthink about what you would say in a surprising situation. I thought a lot the way you did while I was still dating this girl... overthinking is the most quick way to pushing someone away... when a relationship flows, naurally, you don't think about every word you say, that's when its something real.

[Romefalls19]

No because he doesn't want to come off as needy or desperate so you chose your words wisely. You don't want her to call him and say hey, how are you and he goes "I love you baby, take me back" lol.. that would defeat the purpose. I have acted on impulse far to many times and it only leads to a fight.

[MLB33]

That's it Rome. I don't want to just tell her how much I miss her and love her even though Im thinking it. I want her to really realize that she messed up and could lose me. And she could I don't know how Im going to feel down the road. But, as of right now I do want to be with her and I do realize that a lot of things need to be worked out. I don't want to sound desperate but I don't want to sound impossible either. There's got to be some kind of fine line between those two things. I guess if she really wants me back she will tell me all that stuff. I know when I broke up with her about a year ago, because I wanted to be with my friends and felt like I had to "report" to her, I called her back and she didn't answer the first couple times. When I finally did get to talk to her I was the one telling her how much I needed her. This is ridiculous to be like this over a girl. Its not like my life has stopped or anything but I think about her all the time!

[Romefalls19]

Yea I know how you feel... You constantly search for any glimpse of hope. I actually did very well this weekend, it's my first weekend of N/C and I didn't have the urge to text her. Her friends say she is really starting to miss me, and all I said was oh, well I hope everything works out for her... So I'm trying to be strong, but it gets hard, nights are the worst, but now girls are starting to come around again so I'm pre-occupied and now it's my ex who is stalking my myspace and my comments and friends.. So I don't know, one thing for sure is I'm sticking to this N/C plan.

[Skell]

Don't worry about something that may never happen. Your not worried about what to do if she does call, your hoping like hell she does and that's why your asking this questions. It is consuming your mind. Try and find something else to think about. Its hard but asking hypothetical questions isn't going to get you feeling better.

[MLB33]

Yeah you're right skell. I just have a feeling she is going to call. I don't know when and I may be totally wrong. I just want to know what to say when she does. And Rome, it was my first weekend of NC too. Our situations are a little different though. My ex g/f has had b/fs ever since she was prob 15 (we are 25 and dated for almost 3 yrs). So here needing space and your ex needing space are a little diff I guess. And, we have different friends so I never here from her friends of what she's doing. It must be a little comforting knowing she's thinking about you.

[MLB33]

I posted on here recently. Just to update you, been dating a girl for almost 3 yrs but she broke up with me a week ago because she has this whole new group of friends and now she needs space but she loves me. Yeah yeah anyway, just curious about this. I always here that guys are suppose to stay a challenge. I understand the idea behind all of this but I just wondered, after almost 3 years is it not OK for each other to just know that you have the other? I mean, not to come off needy but it seems like it's a big game to stay a challenge. I hope you know what I maen because its hard to explain this.

[Fr_Chuck]

This woiuld most likely be better put in a response ( like an asnwer) to your other thread, I was going to join it to it, but you have seveal threads out there and I am not sure where to put this one.

If you read this thread alone, without any knowledge of another post, it does not make a lot of sense.

[Skell]

I just want to know what to say when she does.

If you don't know what to do then your not ready to answer. It will only make it worse for you and any progress you have made will be lost. If she wants space then why would she call you?

[talaniman]

All this time your worried about what to say IF she calls is keeping her and false hope alive in your mind. That hurts your healing. The part you need to understand is, this is YOU doing it to yourself. If you have healed properly you will know what to say, if indeed she does call. More than a few here have gotten that call, and dealt with it, because they had healed enough to think better, and make decisions for themselves.

[Romefalls19]

Yea it is a little comforting, all her friends tell me is that she is just out hanging out with the girls. Not out meeting other guys, which may be true, it may not. But in the long run, I'm doing good with NC and healing now and if she calls or talks to me I'll handle it accordingly to how I feel. And if she does ask for another try, then I will sit and think about it to see how things will be. I don't want the same relationship, I want a fresh start and to work out the problems we had before, not sweeping under the rug. Granted the problems we had were usually stemming from my jealousy but who knows...

[MLB33]

Ok, dated her for almost 3 yrs and she gave me the whole she needs space thing. Which I might add seems pretty common on here. Anyway, there was no closure at all. I know that sounds stupid because obviously the space thing I mentioned is just an excuse. Just hear me out on this one. Oh yeah, its day 8 of NC. Its killing me!! I was just wondering if there was any reason to call her and just straight out ask if its over over. Know what I mean? Its really not an excuse to call her believe me. Im having a hard time thinking I can go on, hanging on to a hope she might see she messed up. Would it be easier if I just heard she was dating another guy or something hell I don't know. I don't want it to be over, I don't want to hear her say its over but I think I need to. What do you think?

[ISneezeFunny]

If she hasn't called you in 8 days, then yes. It's over over. It's true... she might see that she messed up... regardless, whatever you do won't help her see that. She has to see it on her own time, on her own agenda. Currently, I'm stuck in the same situation. 3 years, no closure. Out of the blue. There are rumors she's with someone else... but not confirmed. No clue what's going on.

Simply move on. I say simply... but that's a HUGE understatement. I'm on 4 weeks of NC. I've just learned to accept it.

Trying to move on is difficult, especially with no closure, but her not contacting you for 8 days may be closure enough to you.

She might contact you later on, but don't expect it. Find some buddies you haven't hung out with in a while, go join a gym, find a new hobby, learn something new. Take your mind off her. Best of luck.

[MLB33]

Hey sneeze, I have been at a gym for a long time and I do OK ocupying my own time. She lives in the same humpin apt complex as me. And she met this new coworker but they "were just friends." Whatever, to save some space, my gut tells me she's prob hangin out with him a lot. Who freakin knows, maybe just to ease the pain of us not being together. I think she prob hurts too. Not as much as me but I think she does some. I know its what I would do if I were in her situation. I don't know if you read my other post but I broke up with her about a year and a half ago for the whole space thing. And sure enough, that's really what I needed. Of course I thought about her but one day I just couldn't stop thinking about her and the next and the next so I finally called her. It wasn't easy getting back together but I realized she was it for me and now this crap happens. I almost puke, when I think about what she could be doing with him (like a rebound think or something I dnot know) or anybody else for that matter. I know its prob over over but in a few months if I haven't heard from her I think I'm going to call and just be like what the hell. Or maybe I won't even care then I don't know. Funny how your heart literally hurts huh

[ISneezeFunny]

Yep. When it happened to me I thought... THAT'S WHERE THE WORD HEARTBREAK COMES FROM.

I'm in the same boat as you. New guy... they're "just friends" I try not to think about it too much. It still bothers me of course, but I'm learning to deal with it.

Doing the same thing you are. I'm at the gym. I'm chilling with friends. I'm reading a book. I'm writing a book. All that good stuff.

I haven't thought about what I might do in a few months. Right now, I'm just trying to get through this week. One week at a time.

I start school this week, which means I will probably run into her this week. Should be interesting. As I said, I'm on week 4... and it's true. It does get better. I still think about her daily (nostalgic), but the "pain" is less and less... and the thoughts are less intense and shorter and less frequent. Hang in there.

[Romefalls19]

MLB I am going through the same as you... On day 9 of N/C right now, and I still have the urge to text or call her... I also imagine the things she could be doing but I'm reminded of a quote my friends band put into a song. "What you do on your own time is just fine, my imaginations much worse." We as the dumpee will always assume the worst because our head thinks that's what we need to hear in order to move on(or so I've read) when in truth she may not be doing a thing.

[HurtingALot]

Well... I can tell you that in my last "break/breakup" with my current ex... the story in my head was MUCH better than what was actually going on. I literally made myself sick thinking he was dating others... etc... etc...

Well... at least in my case... He wasn't. I won't say that he was MISERABLE... but he was missing me enough to come back to me and try again after a period.

I don't know if that's always the case... but I think the story in your mind is always better than what's really going on. It's not worth making yourself nuts over... (believe me... I know.)

So I'm suffering again... but I don't play those pictures in my head nearly as much... What's the point? It's probably not even real... and I don't have control over anything other than myself anyway.

Stay strong... what's meant to be will be... no matter what. (This is helping me too... )

[Romefalls19]

Exactly... I do other things to make my mind think about better things. She could be off with some guy, she could be off crying over me. I don't feel like playing that game in my head. I feel better not knowing anything, if she comes back fine.. If she doesn't I got plenty of love to give to the next person :-)

[MLB33]

But are you not curious? I mean, I know this sounds really stupid and God knows I'm going to catch hell over saying this but... I don't want her to call back and me be like "oh yeah, we can try again but I did this and this and this over the month we we broken up." I know she did it but I hope you know what I mean. Its like I need to hear her say we are through for good.