What If.

Romefalls19 · Jan 8, 2008, 06:15 AM

Ok guys, I posted my problem with my ex on here yesterday under "is there hope" and I am doing the NC plan. Yesterday while I was home, I had my away message up. Out of no where.. and I mean no where my ex's best friend sent me an IM saying "helloooo" now naturally you're thinking "no big deal" but I had deleted this girl off my myspace and we haven't spoken a word to each other since a few days before New Years. Any ideas on what this could be? Should I respond to her... Any course of action would help ha ha.. I don't want to stray from anything so I figured I'd ask my support line on here

talaniman · Jan 8, 2008, 07:03 AM

Have you changed your ways in the last 30 days? I doubt it. She is taking your temperature, seeing where your head is at. Do call, and if you think it will stop you from addressing your issues, leave her alone. Whatever you do, keep working on that jealousy/control thing no matter what. Last chance with her, don't blow it. There will be a test, don't blow that either. She is looking for change, of the long lasting kind.

Romefalls19 · Jan 8, 2008, 07:06 AM

Well that's just it... It is my ex's best friend doing the contacting... Her friend's name is Jordan... And me and her don't speak because while we were mutual friends I feel as though her being my ex's best friend would be on her side... I have no idea why she would message me considering we haven't spoken since 2 days before New Years, not even hi at work.

mafiaangel180 · Jan 8, 2008, 08:12 AM

Wow, this sounds like high school. Don't talk to her friend. If your ex wants to talk to you, she will. Don't buy into these games.

Romefalls19 · Jan 8, 2008, 08:19 AM

Yea.. That's what I was thinking. I had no desire to respond to the IM at all.. I'm just going along with the NC plan and sticking to it.. Anything I would have said to her would end up getting switched around anyway ha ha

ISneezeFunny · Jan 8, 2008, 08:21 AM

It's quite possible that it's just as innocent as her saying hello. My ex's friend still call to catch up with me, and we even had lunch the other day. I don't think she called me to snoop on me, nor do I think she has an interest in me. She just called to see how I was doing.

Granted, if you have an inkling that she's snooping for the ex, then cut the connection. If not, then where's the harm?

talaniman · Jan 8, 2008, 08:23 AM

My mistake, as I hadn't had coffee, so I misread your post. Disregard my other post and the ex'es best friend, though I have little doubt she is working on behalf of her friend. Keep working on you.

Romefalls19 · Jan 8, 2008, 08:24 AM

The thing is, they are like closest of closest friends... Hang out all the time and I would assume anything I say would get told to my ex.. Which I don't want to happen because I want her to feel as though I'm moving on and make her wonder what's going on... Maybe that's the wrong way to go but I don't know

Romefalls19 · Jan 8, 2008, 08:25 AM

Yea, I am going to keep working on myself. I need my time to myself in order to fix myself. And with the support of friends and the people on here, I have the confidence that I can not only change, but make this whole no contact work.

mafiaangel180 · Jan 8, 2008, 08:28 AM

You say you don't talk to this girl, so I highly doubt she is going to IM you to catch up for for some cute little chit chat. Bah. Yeah right. Every single word you say will get back to your ex. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if she was sitting right there. It's best to just stay away from games. And even by chance if it's not a game, it can't be any good to start talking to her best friend.

ISneezeFunny · Jan 8, 2008, 08:28 AM

Two things you can do here:

1. you can just ignore it. Continue all sorts of NC. Her friend included.

2. you can talk to her... keep it low profile... just let her know you're still breathing... etc. but once you get the feeling she's snooping around, bail out.

Romefalls19 · Jan 8, 2008, 08:31 AM

Yea, I mean we used to talk but haven't in over a week. I deleted her off my myspace so I wouldn't be tempted to check her pics with my ex.. My New Years resolution was to not check my ex's myspace.. Which I haven't in 9 days.. I am almost 100% positive that she is snooping so I'm going to stay away. She saw me at work a few times and didn't say hi.. So obviously it's got to be a set up

talaniman · Jan 8, 2008, 08:39 AM

I smell set up too, buddy.

Romefalls19 · Jan 8, 2008, 08:48 AM

I am curious as too what the motives are though.. Like why the set up, granted I am going to be 100% strong and not respond to any advances made from her friend... If she says "hi" at work, I will be short but respectful and say "hello" back

talaniman · Jan 8, 2008, 09:01 AM

Their keeping tabs on you, what other motivation could there be? No contact will do that, but work on you. NC is for you to heal, not get her back.

ISneezeFunny · Jan 8, 2008, 09:03 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

I smell set up too, buddy.

Couldn't rep tal again, but yeah. Reason why there aren't a whole lot of female field agents. Yeah, I said it.

Romefalls19 · Jan 8, 2008, 09:08 AM

Yea, it is helping me heal.. Actually a lot more than anything else I have tried. The hardest thing is still knowing that if she did come back.. I would take her back, simply because I know that it could be better for us and worth the shot. But I won't be telling her that anymore... I'll keep my feelings away from her, don't want to come off as needy.. Haha yea girls are really the best for setting up.. Especially since today her friend signed on and didn't try to IM me this time, but last night did.

AnnieMac713 · Jan 8, 2008, 09:17 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Ok guys, I posted my problem with my ex on here yesterday under "is there hope" and I am doing the NC plan. Yesterday while I was home, I had my away message up. Out of no where..and I mean no where my ex's best friend sent me an IM saying "helloooo" now naturally you're thinking "no big deal" but I had deleted this girl off my myspace and we haven't spoken a word to each other since a few days before New Years. Any ideas on what this could be? Should I respond to her....Any course of action would help ha ha..I don't want to stray from anything so I figured I'd ask my support line on here

The only thing I think is hello... If I contact someone, its obvious I'm doing it for a reason. Other wise why bother. RIGHT? CALL or write, if not anything a new friend.

Romefalls19 · Jan 8, 2008, 09:19 AM

Annie... I don't understand your post, what point are you trying to convey? That it was just a simple hello? Or what... Thanks

Romefalls19 · Jan 9, 2008, 08:39 AM

Ok guys and girls... I have a few scenarios I want to get some advice on for tonight at my second job. For those familiar with my situation I hope you do continue the support and advice, and to new comers, you can check my earlier posts for the background... But my ex and her best friend both work where I work my second job. Her best friend has already tried talking to me(as mentioned in a earlier post) and I didn't respond. So her coming up to me at work is likely. My questions are about how to handle the situation if it does so happen

1. What should I do if her friend asks "Do I miss my ex" "If I am seeing anyone else" "Am I still getting the help I was getting" and anything of that short..

2. What should I do if my ex tries to talk to me?

Any advice would help... I'm kind of nervous, because I am on the whole No Contact plan right now...

Thanks guys, you have all been great

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