[c2b]

Last night my husband told me he wanted a divorce. We have been together for 3 1/2 years and we've only been married for 3 months. We also have a 1 year old child. I'm really confused about everything. He has threatened me with divorce before, but this time I have a feeling he's serious. It seems that he thinks being in a good relationship means that there are no arguments. I've tried to explain that there are going to be arguments simply because we are not going to agree on everything. He's filing for divorce tomorrow (Wednesday) and I'm kind of scared to go home tonight. I know he would never physically hurt me, but it's his words that hurt the most. What makes everything harder is that we are celebrating our baby's first birthday this weekend. I really just need some advice on how to handle everything. I really appreciate it.

[MrsAdams]

A lot of people say that marriage ruins a relationship... and their right! For one.. the first year is always the hardest! Have you talked to him about marriage counseling? Its obvious that he doesn't realize what marriage is all about. It's a lifetime commitment not a 3 month thing. I'm sorry to hear about this but... some people just aren't marriage material... I think its all about the label that scares people. Good luck!

[suziQ]

Sorry, to hear about your trouble. Hate to say, been there done that.:(

But I have heard that arguing is actually healthy in a relationship (unfortunately). I mean, at least there is some form of communication. Right? I never had that. Divorce is a very harsh thing to threaten.
Do you know of someone your husband looks up to? Maybe an older guy that might be willing to talk to him? Like a pastor or something? Sometimes I think it helps them to open up to someone they look up to, and find out what the real problem is. How does his family feel about divorce? It would be great if he would talk to somebody if he won't go to counceling with you.
I noticed you said, "it's the words that hurt you" Is there any emotional abuse going on? If so, You have to ask if you want your child raised with that kind of influence for a father.
Does he know how much he is appreciated? I'm just trying to think of some things here. I know men really need to hear those kind of thing too. Build up there self esteem. They will only love you more. Honey catches more flies than vinegar. Just heep on the kindness and see if you see any changes? He might just be needing some extra attention and to know that being married is very special. You should also be encouraged that you are trying to save a marriage. Divorce is hard on everyone especially the children. Hang in there. Even if he files, it's not over. You still have plenty of time. Maybe he needs a little space. who knows? I will be praying for you.;)

[fredg]

Hi,
My first marriage ended in divorce after 7 yrs. I am 63 yrs old now, and my second marriage is going on 29 yrs... we both feel we are "keepers"!
I am so sorry to read this, and knowing that this happens in over half the marriages now in the US, doesn't help one bit.
Since your husband is filing for divorce, then it's no use suggesting both of you go to a Professional marriage counselor.

My strong suggestion is to get yourself a lawyer. You husband may already have one, and if so, DON'T USE HIS.
Don't sign anything, unless you have a lawyer. Ask around in your local area, find one that has experience in divorces. Reasons I am highly suggesting this are:
Your husband will have to provide for child support payments, until the child is 18, in most states. If you try handling this in court by yourself, you might not even get anything.
Your husband will be entitled to visitation rights, and you might not want him having your child, every weekend, and for 3 months during the summer, and every holiday. You need a lawyer to ensure a court judge doesn't give your husband everything he wants.
Please don't try handling this divorce all by yourself; you will lose "big-time".
I wish you the very best, and hang in there. It's a very, very difficult time.. been there, done that. See a lawyer as soon as you can.