[ladybug77]

I am 30 - have had an orgasm before. Can achieve an orgasm with masturbation (unfortunately I can never bring myself to do that enough). Anyhow, I am with a new partner whom I love deeply. I can't stop pleasing him... but he can't seem to please me. I want to have an orgasm, but every time he touches me and I get aroused... I plataeu and then the feeling just stops. Its so disheartening and confusing. I thought maybe I needed to relax... but I don't know how or why I can't with him. I have never had a problem with anyone before. He tries and we have even tried toys and clitoral stimulation but it all ends the same way... him confused and me hurt. Anyone have any suggestions, I don't want this to ruin our relationship.

[Caralyn]

If I may suggest not having sex for a week or so and then spend lots of time building up to the big event. A meal for two, bathing together, massaging each other, both dress sexy, smell nice, use sexy innuendos, dirty talk, hold back for as long as you can and then go at it and enjoy yourself.

[Fr_Chuck]

Are you instructing him on what and where you wish to have stimulation.

Also from the mental side, if you put too much stress on it, often you won't because of the pressure

[Choux]

What I get from your question is that this relationship is extremely important to you, and you are probably thinking marriage and happily ever after... am I correct? Piling on all these expectations onto the sex act has "paralyzed" you, so to speak. In addition, you do not have a history of orgasmic copulation which is very important.

I think you would benefit greatly from going to a sex therapist who can teach you how to accept pleasure and orgasm. A few lessons and a little talk would go a long way in helping you relax. Help you learn what to focus on... the moment!

Best wishes to you,

[George_1950]

Also, research the topic online. There are instructional videos that can help.

[SaraKammeraad]

I agree with pretty much everyone. The only thing that I want to point out is that it could all just be in your head. Emotions have a lot to do with things. You might not be completely comfortable with him or with however your having intercourse. Example: I personally don't like intercourse in the day due to lighting, or at night with the lights on, but I ave no problem walking around naked in front of my spouse. It might be something similar, but not as noticiable to him or you.

[penelopiepink]

Sex isn't really about the organism. Are you enjoying what comes before that. Try to not care about that but really enjoy the moment of what you two are experiencing. He is a new partner and you just need to enjoy each other. That is the best part. I am sure if you do that, it will come along with it.