[DayHell]

This may be a little long, but please take the time to read I could really do with some advice.

I met my ex at school when we were 16. She was absolutely GORGEOUS, everyone at school knew of her and stared at her. I had a couple of classes with her and found out through one of her friends she had a crush on me. I had literally NO idea she felt that way, we’d flirted and stuff but I thought it was just harmless fun. Anyway, I found out and, I’ll be honest, I thought I’ll see her for a few weeks almost just for bragging rights. I didn’t think she was really my type but thought a few weeks could be fun. So we started hooking up at parties and stuff.

A few weeks later I found myself surprisingly happy when I was around her, and she had expressed concerns over my motives and so I decided to show some commitment and ask her out. We started going over each others house and spent every day on the phone. I liked the attention she gave me, and sort of felt invincible, like she’d never leave. I always had my doubts but somehow, one year later, there we were still. Then, completely out of the blue, she broke up with me. I was devastated, but at the same time glad because it had shown me what she really meant to me. I realized I was completely in love with her and determined to get her back. We kept hanging out and within a month we were back together, better than ever now that we were both into it.

We’d been going out for two years (one before the break, one after) when we decided to move in together. We were only 19 but I felt we were both pretty mature. For the next year we woke up to each other every morning and the relationship never dulled. Our relationship was extremely strong for our age and we'd always talk about our future. We would cuddle every night and I specifically remember just before our 3 year anniversary how into it she seemed. Every day she’d tell me how into me she still was and how good the relationship was. Then one night we had a minor fight, nothing major, but I could tell she was a little upset, so I spent the next few days trying extra hard. We went out together that weekend though and she completely ditched me and hung out with a bunch of other guys. We got home and I told her how I was angry at her for it at which point she stated that she wasn’t sure what she wanted anymore and we should sleep apart tonight. I was shell shocked, 5 days earlier she told me how much she loved me, how she hoped I never left etc, and now she was saying to sleep apart! The next day we talked more and I said if she wasn’t into it I wasn’t going to hang around and so we broke up. I guess I thought it would scare her a bit and she’d realize what we had and we’d try again. But boy I was wrong! We kept hanging out for the next few weeks but nothing was really happening so I moved out, hopeful we could get back together (we’d still been sleeping together every now and again, and she’d been dropping some hints) or at the very least to maintain at least a good friendship, she was after all my best friend.

She said she still wanted to catch up a couple of times a week, and be best friends but over the next few weeks she started going to clubs every weekend with a new bunch of friends, and every weekend she was hooking up with another guy. I said to her does she really want to be like that, and that it was making it really hard on our friendship. She simply stated that she was really happy and didn’t want me to ask her to throw that away. I decided it was time to severe the ties, hopefully she’d miss me a bit and want to hang out again. A month or two after we broke up though I saw her out with some guy, and the next day I found out he was some 27 year old new boyfriend! I had to go and pick up the last bit of my stuff from her house the other day and saw all these pictures she’s got of the two of them kissing. She’s got the whole house to herself so I’m guessing he’s staying over there all the time now, and all the beer in the fridge suggests she has him round to drink and watch movies and then stay over. I even found morning after pills on the counter!! I was mortified.

Sorry to be so long winded, but I just really want advice as to what I’m supposed to do. She’s changed so much, and took all of 30 seconds to get over what we had that it crushes me. I had done nothing wrong and yet I’m left here 2 months later still feeling so down about it. She on the other hand is so attractive that she can go out any night and forget about me. She’s done more than that now and gone and got a new boyfriend. We’ve spoken once in the last 4 weeks and it was just a fight in which I expressed how unfair it was to me and how ty she was making me feel and her response was basically kind of, whatever. She was like well I still want to be best friends but I’m moving on with my life if you can’t be friends with me then OK.

And now I’m not sure what to do. The girl I loved has changed, and all the best bits about what we had she’s giving to some other guy and all I could hope for is spare time when she gets it. I know I have to move on and forget about her it’s just that it’s really hard. How am I supposed to move on? I want to forget about her, but the fact that I was so in love when we broke up is making it really tough. I have a small circle of friends I try to hang out with to take my mind off it, and try to do other things I enjoy but I’m still really hurt by it. Why am I still so hung up on her? I’m so angry at her and so upset but for some reason there’s still that stupid part of me that would drop every thing to go and be with her. Any advice, comments, suggestions? Anything would be appreciated, thanks heaps.

[ihatewestseneca]

I'm new to the break up scene as well, but, first of all, don't talk to her... and really, really keep busy. I kind of went through the same thing, except we weren't living together. And yes I would bet my life that my ex is just as beautiful, if not more, than your ex... I know she could get anything she wants and I always thought I was so lucky, but anyway... she's made it clear that she doesn't want to be with you anymore. You sound like a good guy, and if your time was spent wisely she'll realize that you were perfect when she gets a little more mature... but by then you'll probably have moved on, and won't want anything to do with her. But yeah, No Contact all the way... you'll feel better in like a week... you'll still have rough days here and there and I find it is especially hard at night, that's where this site comes in, if I can't sleep I just check this out and give my suggestions, because it makes me feel good to give advice too. Anyway... women are crazy... it still freakin boggles my mind how fast they can just flip a switch and suddenly they're not in love with you anymore.

[talaniman]

Yeah those young break ups suck, but she has been thinking of it a while, and finally ended things, same with me, my high school sweetie did the same thing. Move on man, as she has, and get over it. Its hard, but leaving her alone will help, and time will heal you. Read the links in my signature, " what to do when we get dumped" for some good ideas to help you move on. Tell me what you think. Oh, by the way, You will move on and have many g/f's, and be fine as you learn to cope with your feelings, and different situations. Be patient and give yourself time.

[DayHell]

Thanks heaps for the responses, I guess I'll try and keep busy and take my mind off it. The fact she's already got a new boyfriend and seems so into him already is getting to me but I'm starting to say to myself that either it'll end soon, or they'll stay together for ages in which case I guess I should be happy for her and not care.
What sorts of things did you guys do to stay busy?
And would finding a new girl perhaps help? I'd just feel a little guilty starting a new relationship when I'm still thinking about my ex. All the girls I meet at clubs and what not aren't really my kind of girls either, how do I go about finding someone new? Or should I take time to enjoy single life?

[DayHell]

And thanks heaps for the link talaniman it was really good.

[talaniman]

and thanks heaps for the link talaniman it was really good.

I hope it helps.

how do I go about finding someone new? Or should I take time to enjoy single life?

Build yourself a happy life being single, and enjoy it. There are a lot of single females out there.