[chris08]

I've just been told that my ex has secretly been seeing one of my mates, and apparently they are together. I am absolutely, as you could imagine, hurt. As her main reason for finishing me was "i can't cope with a relationship and uni all at once" She doesn't seem to care, I had to ask her if it was true and she kept saying "Who told you?" I said "I don't think that really matters, do you?" Now I feel like ripping his head off. I don't know if he knows that I know, but he will soon no doubt when she tells him. Obviously they tried to keep it a secret. I'm so angry, how can a friend do that to you? She is strongly denying that she's done nothing wrong. I told her how would you feel if we had just come off holiday and I finished you and then got with one of your mates. Am I not wrong to be angry? That's all I want to know everyone. How would you feel? I've told her I hate her and can't believe how hard I tried to get her back. I said "obviously you arn't the girl i thought u were" and her response was "oh well."

[ISneezeFunny]

Yeah, you can be angry. You told her that she wasn't who you thought she was... she said, oh well.

This means... it's over. It's done with. Her "i dont have time for a relationship" was bs. Usually... it is.

So. Stop calling the girl. Drop your friend. Don't speak to either of them. Make new friends. Go on about your life. Obviously, the girl doesn't deserve you. The friend doesn't deserve you either. If they work out, fine. If they don't, that's OK too. Either way, go about life like you've never met them.

[peggyhill]

I'm sorry to hear that are feeling so upset! All the emotions you are feeling right now, like anger and hurt, are normal. Anyone in your position (or at least most people) would be feeling the same way.

If you guys were already broken up, then I suppose she can date him if she wants. But that's kind of one of those "grey" areas in life as far as whether it is right or wrong. A good friend wouldn't have keep it a secret from you, and if fact, would have gone to you and told you first thing and asked if you were OK with it. So I would say that your friend was at fault there.

You mentioned that her excuse to you was that she didn't want a relationship even though she is in one now. That's mean that she lied to you. I think everyone deserves an honest answer.

You just have to accept that the relationship is over and that this girl wasn't as great as you thought she was. I know that's easier said than done, believe me. What has helped me when going through breakups in the past was to just stay really busy. Go out with some friends, go to the gym, whatever helps you and keeps your mind off her.

Remember that there is someone out there for you and when the time is right, you will find her. Don't give up just because this girl turned out to be dishonest. I agree with ISneezeFunny, don't have contact with her or him. They obviously don't care about your feelings. I hope that you start feeling better soon. The only thing that really helps is time. Good luck and if you want to talk about it, I'll be right here. :)

[Maggie83]

Chin up mate!

She's hurt you and so has he, forget them both if you see them in a bar walk with your head held high and watch them squirm, they both know they've done you wrong and now is the ideal time to show some class!!

He's no friend to you and she's lied to you I know it hurts but you can make it through!

[talaniman]

I can understand your hurt and anger, but you should know the part you played in this drama, as its not like you didn't know it was over. At last you can stop contact with her, and move on with your life.

[DR Ruth-less]

I've just been told that my ex has secretly been seeing one of my mates, and apparently they are together. I am absolutely, as you could imagine, hurt. As her main reason for finishing me was "i can't cope with a relationship and uni all at once" She doesn't seem to care, i had to ask her if it was true and she kept saying "Who told you?" I said "I don't think that really matters, do you?" Now i feel like ripping his head off. I don't know if he knows that i know, but he will soon no doubt when she tells him. Obviously they tried to keep it a secret. I'm so angry, how can a friend do that to you? She is strongly denying that she's done nothing wrong. I told her how would you feel if we had just come off holiday and i finished you and then got with one of your mates. Am i not wrong to be angry? That's all i want to know everyone. How would you feel? I've told her i hate her and can't believe how hard i tried to get her back. I said "obviously you arn't the girl i thought u were" n her response was "oh well."

Dude I can't believe how well you are handling this!

I would have gone postal! Seriously... its hard enough for me personally to trust because I firstly come from a single parent home and secondly similar has happened to me. I don't think people care about how much damage they actually do to another when they do the that your girl just did.

Having said that, you have every right to be more than ed off I would say. Also it tells me about the person that she is and believe me when I say, "you don't need someone like that in your life" out with the I say. She is trash and if you have any self respect I would say tell her to her face what a piece of worthless crap she is and get on with your life.

Once you've done this dude take that nice guy attitude and dump it. Just be assertive and concentrate on yourself. The next girl will probably feel (in your opinion) that you are a little sparing on the emotional side. Your assertiveness and confidence will keep her closer than you can imagine. And if she's going to mess, its not a reflection on you. It's the reflection of what she is!

[JBeaucaire]

Your ex and your friend like each other and have every right to date. You know that, it bugs you, you CHOOSE to be hurt by it since there is no real harm here, and the pain you feel is your own attitude on top of the simple facts.

I think you're missing the good here. These two people actually still care enough about your feelings to not rub it in your face. Two available people should not have to walk on egg shells to see each other. They chose to do it anyway for your benefit.

They didn't do that because they were guilty of doing anything wrong, but they knew you would be hurt by the fact, so they spared you... or tried to, at least. Now that you found out, you're proving their fear correct.

The sooner you can officially move on and give your blessing to these two who still are aware of your sensitivity on this, the better it will be for you.