[crispy_chick]

Damn ey 13 crap, still a child. So glad our law here stops that, Unless both parents agree on it and even then the courts need a really good reason before accepting your application to allow it to happen... I know this because My guy wanted me to marry him when I fell pregnant with our first, I was so relieved when It couldn't happen, and then after our son was born that's when he become violent towards me I then told him I couldn't marry him and broke the marriage off but I still stayed with him and he proposed again in jan 07 5months after our second child was born, I didn't really want it but I said yes and he said he wanted a long engagement anyway so that was a huge relief... To me I don't think marriage is important and I don't ever really want to get married, My parents devorce has just been finalised, my mum is onto her 4th marriage now and my dad has been married twice, and even though they were together most of my upbringing, I not only have had to see them battle it out in caught with nothing but hatred for each other but watched many others around me do the same... My older brother is getting married to his new mrs and has custurdy to his 2 kids from his previous partner and just had a baby to her, and my older sister has 2 kids to 2 different guys, so you can see it's a cycle happening here with my family, and I think that's why I don't want to get married.
Im sorry to hear that you had a bad upbringing.

[simoneaugie]

I agree with you about marriage. To me it is simply a Fornication Under Consent of the King licence. I suppose it has other benefits, but I don't think they're worth the risk. Please don't marry him.

[crispy_chick]

Yeah that's one way to put it, Nah I won't be esp not any time soon, I really am leaning towards leaving him for good and moving on with my life so me and my kids can be happy.

[talaniman]

Don't lean, give it all you got to escape this trap your in, need help, then get it, and get gone. That what I would tell my daughter.

[crispy_chick]

Yeah I would prob tell my daughter just that too, I guess I'm just finding it a real struggle I know what I have to do but doing it is another thing I suppose you could say, but It will happen, and it will happen within the month.

[Crista]

Know this is a comfort zone conflict, because you've been together so long.

Don't be worried about your two boys handling not having "dad" around all the time. My mother split with my cheating "dad" after giving him 2 chances. I always knew she made the right decision for our little family. She did it with everyone saying to her, stick with it, he's your husband. By the way, this was in the 80's. She knew she couldn't live her life so horrible with someone who didn't care anymore. So she moved out of her house, leaving lots of her own things behind and started fresh. Later on in life, she found someone new, who treated her respectively and kindly. She remarried happily and they have been together for 15 years. Imagine if she stayed all that time with a cheating/liar jerk. That environment wouldn't of been good for me as a child.

[crispy_chick]

Yeah well that's true... still sucks that you and your mum had to go through that though...
But I am glad to hear she found happiness in the end...

[lavenderly]

Sounds like Britney Spears before she divorced her husband!!

If you don't see the severity of your case, please refer to Britney's. Only difference is that Kevin probably did not beat his wife up and did not think she is wrong all the time.

I don't think you are in love. You are merely in love with the idea of "Love". Wanting a family, a man to cuddle up to when (and if) he returns home, liking the fact that you are now a mother etc.

Love does not tolerate physical and emotional abuse. Do not keep telling yourself that you are still in love. Because, my dear, you are not...

[crispy_chick]

Haha I don't know the whole Britney Spears case, I don't follow media on those lines..
As for been IN LOVE well I believe I am, I Have been in long term relationships and not so long term relationships, My other long term was puppy love and lasted 2yrs the days he cheated I walked out the door and never looked back... But you still could be right, I am not saying your wrong, but the way I feel for this man is almost compaired to the Love I have for my own children that's how strong it is, Except nothing will compare to the love of my kids as they are my own flesh and blood and anybody who has had there own children would understand what I mean by that.. And yes I am young, I am only 20, (well for the next wk) but the thing is age shouldn't come into this either)...
No I am not getting defensive here sorry if it sounds that way...
lavenderly I appricate your honnest opinion... But can I ask why do you say Love does not tolerate physical and emotional abuse?

[talaniman]

But can I ask why do you say Love does not tolerate physical and emotional abuse?

An azz kicking is not love, A black eye or fractured ribs is not love. Accepting those things is not love. It's a sick and twisted version of control ,manipulation and degradation, as is name calling, it's a character attack to subjugate and promote power by taking away some ones self esteem. Nothing to do with love at all, all about CONTROL.

[crispy_chick]

BUt because he does that to me, it doesn't mean that I don't love him. Because I do.

[cerisa]

Please,please move out on his terms, and after he is an hour away from you make it YOUR terms. He is a manipulative selfish childish man. You can certainly have a better life with him out of the picture.

[bushg]

Crispy chick , when you first met him how did you feel about his parents,siblings and extend family aunts and uncles? Is his mom and dad together?

[crispy_chick]

Well he didn't know his mum back then, he's only found his mum in the past few months, but she's awesome haven't met her yet though... His dad when I met him, meh okay I guess, we get on okay but he's a real prick too... as for siblings same as his mum,

[bushg]

DO they know how he treats you... Does his dad treat his women like his son does?

[crispy_chick]

Don't know how he treats him really, because he lives a fair way away, but he is a jerk and is emotionally abusive but not sure about physically my guy recons his dads never hit him in his life... but his dad is ill and has ms which can explain why he's verbally nasty...
HIs dad don't know how he treats me, I've told his mum a tiny bit and she says I shouldn't put up with it and stuff... but I can't tell her much because she is his mum after all and she don't even know him she hasn't seen him since he was 6

[bushg]

No, even if you told her everything it probably would not do much good. You think maybe he has a problem with all women because his mom wasn't around to help take care of him? Does he bad mouth women in general women can't drive, they are inferior to men that sort of talk?

[crispy_chick]

Nah he's genreally really nice to all chicks, he acts to others how he used to act towards me when we first met

[crispy_chick]

Kind of, caring, compassionate, loving you know all the great things that you won't in a bloke...

[bushg]

Yeah, he probably is on the surface until they do somehting that angers him. What does he do if a woman cuts him off in traffic, if a waitress does not get his order correct, if a woman in public generally pi$$es him off does he give her hell esp.. once he gets out of hearing range. Believe me no matter who he is with he is going to mistreat them. He may want you to believe that it is only you that he treats that way, but if there is another woman after you he will be the same with her as long as she sticks around and takes it.